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Original poster

To want bills to be split 60/40

81 replies

Soggycrisps · 15/07/2022 13:12

Mine and and my husband's finances are all over the place. I pay for child care and food he pays for mortgage and bills. My family expenses are a little more that his.

I don't want us to have a joint account that we both just use because we have different spending habits. But I do want us to have a fair way of contributing to the household bills.

We have a joint account which I'm going to suggest all bills come out of. Let's say the family bill comes to £2000 per month.

I work 20 hours and the rest of my weeks is taken up with childcare we have 2 children. He works 40 hours a week.

Roughly our pro rata is the same. He earns £34,000 I earn £28000 per year actually not prorata.

I think he should pay £1200 and I pay £800 according to the ratio of what we both work rather than what we earn. Does that seem fair?

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 15/07/2022 14:13

I earn 21k, DP earns 32k.
We have a joint monthly bills account, this is for literally everything including food, pro rata amounts for yearly insurance renewals, monthly cat prescription, TV licence, basically all our outgoings. I pay £750.00, DP pays £1,100.

Bubblesandsqueak1 · 15/07/2022 14:14

So his take home pay before pension is 26760 and yours is 22513, who claims the child benefit of 1885? If it you then only 2362 difference in income, so works out you should pay more like 900 to him paying 1100 based of a 2k costs however as he pays all the bills and mortgage which is ever increasing and the childcare costs won't be forever, or you could also up your hours at work to make the same income sounds like you would only have ro do a few extra hours a week to match

Quincythequince · 15/07/2022 14:21

Soggycrisps · 15/07/2022 13:12

Mine and and my husband's finances are all over the place. I pay for child care and food he pays for mortgage and bills. My family expenses are a little more that his.

I don't want us to have a joint account that we both just use because we have different spending habits. But I do want us to have a fair way of contributing to the household bills.

We have a joint account which I'm going to suggest all bills come out of. Let's say the family bill comes to £2000 per month.

I work 20 hours and the rest of my weeks is taken up with childcare we have 2 children. He works 40 hours a week.

Roughly our pro rata is the same. He earns £34,000 I earn £28000 per year actually not prorata.

I think he should pay £1200 and I pay £800 according to the ratio of what we both work rather than what we earn. Does that seem fair?

So how much, after all your family expenses are paid, are each of you keeping for yourselves?

Based on this, what would you have left per month after payday, and what would he?

BarbaraofSeville · 15/07/2022 14:24

As the OP is self employed, you should regard your pension contribution as a household expense/statutory deduction as this is already taken care of for your DH once he receives his take home pay.

hoorayandupsherises · 15/07/2022 14:28

I am more concerned about your update saying that you are scared to talk to him as he gets heated.

That is not OK. Is there anything else going on? Hope you're alright.

wombat1a · 15/07/2022 14:29

Split on the income so 55/45%, any other measure means using details and its the details that normally cause arguments.

Original poster
Soggycrisps · 15/07/2022 14:35

You want to do 60/40 (which would include children centred activities you would do)
He says 55/45 and he'll bung you extra cash.

No at the moment I pay childcare and food which comes to a couple hundred more than what he pays for which is mortgage and household bills.

OP posts:
SquishyGloopyBum · 15/07/2022 14:38

It's wrong that you earn less but contribute more.

Why does it get heated when you raise it op?

CallOnMe · 15/07/2022 14:41

You should both pay the same percentage of your wage into the joint point and all bills should come from that.

If it’s 50% each he’ll pay in £17,000 a year and you £14,000 which is not much difference compared to most households.

If 50% each is not enough to cover all of the bills then you can increase it to 60, 70% etc but both of you need to pay the same percentage to make it fair.

MajorCarolDanvers · 15/07/2022 14:42

BarbaraofSeville · 15/07/2022 13:29

Or you could put all income into a joint account, which is to pay joint/family expenses but not personal ones, and then you each get an amount in a personal account for your own spending/savings.

Then you don't have to worry so much about the percentages if this is something you can't agree on and you both have equal spending money.

This is sensible.

alanabennett · 15/07/2022 14:43

Quincythequince · 15/07/2022 13:58

I will never, ever understand threads like this.
You both make sure all expenses are paid, contribute equally time wise (paid or unpaid) to family life each week, and you both get the same spending money each month.

How you achieve that is up to you, but this divvying up to the tune of a couple hundred quid per month when you are married with a kid is just mealy-mouthed, penny pinching.

Honestly.

Completely agree. People share homes, children and bodily fluids. But not money. Madness.

Original poster
Soggycrisps · 15/07/2022 14:44

It's a mess. We are splitting up once youngest is in school anyway. I just don't want to feel like I'm being financially fucked until then.
He would never agree to us working it out so that we both get equal spends but I do feel like I can get him to agree to spending a little more each month for me to cut out this thing of me having to ask him for money based on him working more than me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Soggycrisps · 15/07/2022 14:44

It's a mess. We are splitting up once youngest is in school anyway. I just don't want to feel like I'm being financially fucked until then.
He would never agree to us working it out so that we both get equal spends but I do feel like I can get him to agree to spending a little more each month for me to cut out this thing of me having to ask him for money based on him working more than me.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 15/07/2022 14:49

He would never agree to us working it out so that we both get equal spends

I can see why you're breaking up! Are you on the mortgage?

Nancydrawn · 15/07/2022 14:51

Soggycrisps · 15/07/2022 14:44

It's a mess. We are splitting up once youngest is in school anyway. I just don't want to feel like I'm being financially fucked until then.
He would never agree to us working it out so that we both get equal spends but I do feel like I can get him to agree to spending a little more each month for me to cut out this thing of me having to ask him for money based on him working more than me.

This puts quite a different spin on things.

I generally do think you have to split according to what you earn. But if, for instance, your childcare bill is vastly decreased because you work part-time rather than full-time, and you intend to break up in a couple years, then it might be worth valuing out that contribution.

Quincythequince · 15/07/2022 14:58

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/07/2022 14:49

He would never agree to us working it out so that we both get equal spends

I can see why you're breaking up! Are you on the mortgage?

They’re married. Doesn’t matter if she isn’t.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/07/2022 14:59

They’re married. Doesn’t matter if she isn’t.

Except the world is full of people who call men their H when they're actually their P and so on. Worth asking the minutiae.

GCHeretic · 15/07/2022 15:05

Soggycrisps · 15/07/2022 13:12

Mine and and my husband's finances are all over the place. I pay for child care and food he pays for mortgage and bills. My family expenses are a little more that his.

I don't want us to have a joint account that we both just use because we have different spending habits. But I do want us to have a fair way of contributing to the household bills.

We have a joint account which I'm going to suggest all bills come out of. Let's say the family bill comes to £2000 per month.

I work 20 hours and the rest of my weeks is taken up with childcare we have 2 children. He works 40 hours a week.

Roughly our pro rata is the same. He earns £34,000 I earn £28000 per year actually not prorata.

I think he should pay £1200 and I pay £800 according to the ratio of what we both work rather than what we earn. Does that seem fair?

You want the person who works the most hours to also pay the largest share of the bills, in an amount unrelated to their wage?

Quincythequince · 15/07/2022 15:06

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/07/2022 14:59

They’re married. Doesn’t matter if she isn’t.

Except the world is full of people who call men their H when they're actually their P and so on. Worth asking the minutiae.

Fair enough! I always assume if someone says DH, they mean it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/07/2022 15:08

Fair enough! I always assume if someone says DH, they mean it.

There's lots of MILs around here who aren't as well Grin

BarbaraofSeville · 15/07/2022 15:09

You want the person who works the most hours to also pay the largest share of the bills, in an amount unrelated to their wage

The OP spends a lot more time on childcare for preschoolers, and probably cleaning, cooking, laundry, household admin etc. Are you saying this is not a worthwhile contribution to the household because it is not monetary? I suppose the 'D'H could pay a childminder while he is at work instead leaving the OP to work fulltime to save up her running away money.

Hillary17 · 15/07/2022 15:09

We used to. do % of our salaries but it meant my husband still had considerably more than me each month. Now all of money goes into the joint account and we take out £xxx a month for ourselves to spend on whatever want. It works much better this was as we have the same amount of “fun” money and no resentment.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 15/07/2022 15:10

Quincythequince · 15/07/2022 13:58

I will never, ever understand threads like this.
You both make sure all expenses are paid, contribute equally time wise (paid or unpaid) to family life each week, and you both get the same spending money each month.

How you achieve that is up to you, but this divvying up to the tune of a couple hundred quid per month when you are married with a kid is just mealy-mouthed, penny pinching.

Honestly.

this.

luxxlisbon · 15/07/2022 15:11

I think he should pay £1200 and I pay £800 according to the ratio of what we both work rather than what we earn. Does that seem fair?

I mean, no that isn’t fair. It sounds like there is a lot going on in your relationship but I can see why a suggestion like that isn’t going down well.

On 28k paying for part time childcare and food you really shouldn’t be running out of money.
Your split should be 55/45 based on your earnings and if you are basically splitting up I would be doing whatever possible to cut spending and save money.

Original poster
Soggycrisps · 15/07/2022 15:14

This isn't about running out of money this is about fairness. I pay £800 per month on childcare and it's only that low because I pay the childcare so I do as much evening work as possible to reduce it. if our finances were split fairly I wouldn't work evenings.

OP posts: