To be furious husband pretended he had covid

[Thatsnotevenmyusername]

DC and I have had covid for almost a week now. Second time round, first time was thankfully very mild for all. This time I have felt like I have been hit by a bus, 39c+ fever for days, extreme fatigue, headache, nausea, pains, malaise and flu feeling etc DC have been very unwell too with high fevers and vomiting. DC are preschool age and a baby.

DH says the day I tested positive he feels unwell too, doesn’t have similar symptoms to us (no fever, etc just feels tired and under the weather, some diarrhoea.) DH tests negative but we assume it will be positive in the coming days. The next few days are spent in a blur caring for the sick children, very ill ourselves (supposedly), taking turns to nap while the other cares for the DC. I was lying in bed with fever feeling really unwell but was told to come down and help with the DC as DH was “really sick too.” Even when he was up he lay on the settee the whole time complaining how ill he was for days and how he was “just as bad as me” even without the fever.

I tested again today with a very strong positive (initial lft was a faint positive) so I asked DH to test again too as his should definitely be positive by now. (I had my suspicions at this stage as his supposed symptoms weren’t anything like ours.) Lo and behold his test is negative. He’s adamant he’s been just as sick as us even if it hasn’t been covid (what are the chances, eh?) I am absolutely disgusted that he would drag me out of bed with a fever to make me look after sick children while he lay sleeping on the settee feigning covid. I am so upset and now a huge fight has ensued and I don’t even want to look at him. He says how dare I say he hasn’t been sick (he has had no outward signs of illness, only symptoms he can say are affecting him.)

For info he has form for doing things like this, any time I am sick he says he is too. My most recent pregnancy he honestly spent more of it ill than I did.

AIBU to be this upset?

Fwiw, Dh and dc had COVID in December (positive LFTs and PCRs), all my tests were negative. I had very similar symptoms but without a cough. I assumed I must have had something else as I’m asthmatic so definitely would have been the one with the worst respiratory symptoms.

We all had it again in March. My symptoms were the same, down to the constantly dry mouth, still no cough really. I tested positive that time, but I’m sure I had it in December too.

A friend was really ill last week with COVID symptoms but negative. Her partner got ill and tested positive a few days later.

That said, if you think your Dh is faking being ill, that’s quite dick-ish.

For info he has form for doing things like this, any time I am sick he says he is too. My most recent pregnancy he honestly spent more of it ill than I did.

OP some redeeming features then if you're still having sex with him 🙄

When dh was positive I felt rubbish and was sure I had it too but tests were negative. I think my body was fighting the germs which is why I felt exhausted. Dh only felt ill for 2 days. I then had it in March end slept solidly for 5 days, hardly eating etc, dh mentioned he felt off and exhausted but was negative and think his body was fighting too.

however, when I was negative I worked from home (full time nhs role), replanned Christmas as we were supposed to be visiting family in USA but couldn’t with covid and walked the dog daily. Similarly, dh did everything with dc while I was ill (minus Christmas planning but he did have to completely rearrange my 40th).

You have covid and need sleep so go and rest and he can suck it up until he gets a positive. (If he has a temp then I’d be more sympathetic)

What a failing, poor quality male he is. He cannot abide you getting anything that he doesn’t get (even some rest during a bout with Covid?!), so he piggybacks your illness and pretends he’s just as bad or worse. Doing it with Covid is bad enough, but to do it with your pregnancy?!

It’s really common on here that men do this to women during illness/pregnancy. I think they resent the necessary rest/attention women get and demand a slice of it for themselves, revealing a total inability to care for another person and a total sense of male entitlement.

It's been proven that the same parts of your brain light up if you are suffering yourself to if you are present for someone else's suffering. So it's hard to tell who's ill sometimes!

Also I've had COVID symptoms exactly the same 4 times and only tested ever so faintly positive on one single day about 4 days after symptoms started for one of the infections where I tested almost every day. My partner the second time also got ill and their test was super positive the moment the liquid landed, and stayed very positive for about a week I think.

I think it depends on immune response, possibly explaining why I've had it so many times.

Having said all that I think you have other problems in your relationship. You need solutions not problems, and if the solution is that the other person does what you think is right, it's not going to solve anything. Good luck!

i think its boy who cried wolf he could well be ill but why would you believe him when he fakes it so often

I’ve had Covid all week with husband away on business trip. Managed all kids fine, now he’s home and working from home as he’s got a sore throat- negative test, just doesn’t want to go into office so now I’m confined to our bedroom so he can be on constant zooms. FML. He had no sympathy when I sent him a txt to say I tested positive just told me he could feel his hypochondria kicking in. Every Illness has to be about him, it’s his way of doing fuck all to actually be helpful. I swear as he ages he is more like a small child and I’m sick of trying to navigate it.

When I had covid I had multiple negative OCT tests until I finally got a positive. LFTs are less sensitive. My DS was the same.

My DH and I had covid at exactly the same time and had completely different symptoms.

There is also the possibility he had another illness.

Or of course he could have symptoms psychologically like when someone starts coughing and suddenly you have a tickle in your throat and need to cough.

*PCRs

Covid or not, the thermometer tells a pretty accurate story about how a person must be feeling.

He sounds like a massively annoying twat and I’d be pissed off if I were you.

However DP and both DC had covid, then I was ill the next week but I never had a positive test! And I was actually more poorly than any of them but with a range of different symptoms and exhaustion that lingered on for ages. It was strange to be feeling so bad and still getting negative tests every time.

We’ve all just had COVID. I was pretty ill but my test stayed negative throughout although DH and DS were positive. It is possible - LFTs aren’t desperately reliable.

He’s not exactly a team player is he? He does no housework; doesn’t look after you when you’re ill

He can be a good dad when you separate op which you absolutely should do

My mum always does this.
If I'm ill, she has to be ill.
Even if it is something she can't possibly have- pregnancy etc.
I feel your pain.

Well you did have two kids with him knowing this and knowing he is shit with house work. What did you expect, him to miraculously change? He's a shit father, shit husband and shit person, sorry to tell you the blunt truth. But no good father is scared of his baby or looking after it. He is shit. And no good husband is lazy with housework either, he does his fair share.

Accept he is a useless twat and put up with it, or leave him. You certainly won't change him, and complaining about it does nothing.

So Covid is the only thing we're allowed to feel ill with these days is it?

If he's got form that's a whole different issue.

And can't you tell if he's ill or not. Iltheres no way my husband feigning it would get past my bullshit radar.

I would find it impossible to respect him and would burn with anger every time I thought of it. Only you know if this is something you can move past it and it become a long term family joke or whatever.

I couldn't.

As I was reading the post I was thinking maybe he was ill but with different symptoms to yours op, but as I read in full and he is always doing this made me really angry and thinking what a complete attention seeking man child,,

It doesn't matter if he's genuinely ill. It's the fact he always does it.

It'll chip away at your patience. I think, in your shoes when all is well again. I'd schedule a proper come to Jesus conversation and tell him that his hypochondria is making you lose respect for him. The next time he does it, he can bugger off somewhere else until he's 'well'. I'd rather get on with it alone than seethe at him lying on the settee putting it on.

I had all the COVID symptoms for a month in February but was testing negative. Felt ill for a couple of days last week and tested positive multiple times. My friend & her family, who were the source of my infection had completely different symptoms to me as did my niece

Another perspective from me too

My OH and I attended my daughter's graduation on a Wednesday. On the Friday I went to a funeral (had tested before I went and negative). Went to a friend's house before the funeral and had lunch with her, in her house, drove in her car to the funeral, sat beside her at the service, back in her car to the 'do' afterwards. Sat beside her again. Then back to her house where we sat and chatted for an hour before I drove home

On the Saturday My OH and I both woke up with very sore throats and were not well for about 8 days with all the symptoms of Covid but mildly so. Have had worse head colds. All LFD's were negative and by the time I decided I ought to get a PCR it was 5 days later, which is a bit too late to go for one.

My friend from the funeral phoned me on the Wednesday to say she had tested positive on the Monday. I am convinced that we both had a mild dose of Covid and I passed it to my friend. I asked my GP about it and she said that it could very well have been Covid and that LFD's were not really reliable

So....I think your DH may very well have/have had Covid and it doesn't follow that his symptoms would have been the same as yours. I think you may need to cut him some slack there

Having said that, as you and your children were clearly suffering more severe symptoms than he was, he's still very selfish not to have given you more help - but then we all know about Men and the 'Man Flu'. You are not being unreasonable at all to have expected more assistance from him and he is the one who was/is being unreasonable

My feeling is "no fever, not sick". If you don't have a fever you can go to the gym and work out, in fact it is considered a remedy for colds and minor ailments. There is nothing that explains that not being just possible but recommended and at the same time you can't do housework or childcare.

OP, I really don't know why other posters are bending themselves out of shape to try to find an excuse for him. You know your husband best. Regardless of illness people still have to manage. That he has form for this alone speaks volumes. YANBU at all!! I'd read him the riot act.

I got covid last year, theu believe 23 dec as youre meant to go back 72 hours. I felt fine until xmas day but put it down to overindulgence and just went to bed early. Felt horrendous 26, 27 and didnt test positive until 28. I was staying with my parents and my uncle and brother were there.

They all tested positive four days after each other. My point is, if doesnr always show.

However, he sounds like a pain!