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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious husband pretended he had covid

119 replies

Thatsnotevenmyusername · 14/07/2022 20:11

DC and I have had covid for almost a week now. Second time round, first time was thankfully very mild for all. This time I have felt like I have been hit by a bus, 39c+ fever for days, extreme fatigue, headache, nausea, pains, malaise and flu feeling etc DC have been very unwell too with high fevers and vomiting. DC are preschool age and a baby.

DH says the day I tested positive he feels unwell too, doesn’t have similar symptoms to us (no fever, etc just feels tired and under the weather, some diarrhoea.) DH tests negative but we assume it will be positive in the coming days. The next few days are spent in a blur caring for the sick children, very ill ourselves (supposedly), taking turns to nap while the other cares for the DC. I was lying in bed with fever feeling really unwell but was told to come down and help with the DC as DH was “really sick too.” Even when he was up he lay on the settee the whole time complaining how ill he was for days and how he was “just as bad as me” even without the fever.

I tested again today with a very strong positive (initial lft was a faint positive) so I asked DH to test again too as his should definitely be positive by now. (I had my suspicions at this stage as his supposed symptoms weren’t anything like ours.) Lo and behold his test is negative. He’s adamant he’s been just as sick as us even if it hasn’t been covid (what are the chances, eh?) I am absolutely disgusted that he would drag me out of bed with a fever to make me look after sick children while he lay sleeping on the settee feigning covid. I am so upset and now a huge fight has ensued and I don’t even want to look at him. He says how dare I say he hasn’t been sick (he has had no outward signs of illness, only symptoms he can say are affecting him.)

For info he has form for doing things like this, any time I am sick he says he is too. My most recent pregnancy he honestly spent more of it ill than I did.

AIBU to be this upset?

OP posts:
ThreeLittleDots · 14/07/2022 20:56

I think his previous Munchausen's-like behaviour is clouding your ability to rationalise the likelihood of his illness being genuine. Like the boy who cried wolf.

TuftyMarmoset · 14/07/2022 20:56

I am 99% sure I had covid in May (fever, continuous cough, felt like crap) but all of my LFTs were negative. So I don’t think that’s enough to prove he was pretending.

Glencanto · 14/07/2022 20:58

False negatives are very, very common with LFTs. If everyone else in the household had Covid, it’s extremely likely he had it too, even with negative tests.

Original poster
Thatsnotevenmyusername · 14/07/2022 20:58

While the vote lies predominantly in IANBU I can see from the comments that obviously there is a possibility that he has had covid and still be testing negative. But because of his previous (constant) hypochondria I am finding it very hard to believe. That and the fact his only symptoms have been diarrhoea (which he suffers from several times a week anyway) and tiredness which could also be misconstrued as laziness. I am not quite so angry now however still very doubtful

OP posts:
Original poster
Thatsnotevenmyusername · 14/07/2022 20:59

ThreeLittleDots · 14/07/2022 20:56

I think his previous Munchausen's-like behaviour is clouding your ability to rationalise the likelihood of his illness being genuine. Like the boy who cried wolf.

This is exactly it

OP posts:
CallOnMe · 14/07/2022 21:00

I’ve not voted as if he pretended he’s an absolute twat and so frustrating but there’s no way to tell if he was lying or not!

He could have genuinely had a different illness or he could have had covid but hasn’t tested positive yet. I know the symptoms often start and last longer than what the LFTs show.

If he has form for this then I can see why you’re annoyed.
Covid is really difficult especially if you have DCs to care for too and someone not pulling their weight when they could be is really unfair.

CrappyNHappy · 14/07/2022 21:02

Thatsnotevenmyusername · 14/07/2022 20:33

I am finding it hard to accept his two negative tests when he tested positive for covid in January…

If he's got form for this kind of thing then that of course makes a difference but otherwise I wouldn't rely too much on a negative test. All of us had COVID. I definitely had symptoms but didn't test positive for about ten days after everyone else in my family did. The baby had symptoms too but never tested positive. I think the baby had probably COVID but even the PCR didn't pick it up.

EarringsandLipstick · 14/07/2022 21:02

I am not quite so angry now however still very doubtful

But you are on a hiding to nothing. You can't prove it.

He may very well have Covid.

You doubting him will achieve nothing.

Rather, you need to address his general hypochondria & laziness, not this one specific incident.
(PS re voting. Many of us are on the app, can't vote via the app. Comments are probably more reflective than voting.)

sobeyondthehills · 14/07/2022 21:04

I might apologise for doubting him, but say to him, that since he has form it is like the little boy who called wolf.

FawnFrenchieMum · 14/07/2022 21:06

It took over a week for me to test positive when DH & DD were positive, I was most definitely feeling sick long before the positive test. I had so many negative tests I started to wonder if I was imagining how I’ll I felt. I then only showed positive for about three days.

Concerned3 · 14/07/2022 21:09

I wouldn't assume he's lying... could be different infection, or could be at levels that were too low to turn the test result, that is definitely not uncommon.

Take care

FunDragon · 14/07/2022 21:09

There’s a certain kind of man who absolutely can’t under any circumstances let his wife be iller than him, in case he has to do housework and childcare. You see it on here all the time.

Sounds like you’ve bagged yourself one of those.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 14/07/2022 21:11

However he is very lazy with house work.

Objection, M'Lud! Irrelevant and subjective.

It speaks to his character!

Well, the prosecution would say that, wouldn't they?

Sustained. Jury, please ignore the 'lazy with the housework' remark.

Badger1970 · 14/07/2022 21:15

I'd be raging OP.

He didn't have Covid, he just didn't want to step up to the plate.

Not sure I could spend the rest of my life with someone so avoidant of responsibility.............

mellicauli · 14/07/2022 21:17

My husband tested positive. It took me 5 days to test positive too. I felt pretty shit in those 5 days (but not as bad as DH who got it badly). So he might still test positive and be telling the truth.

ImFuminHun · 14/07/2022 21:20

honkeytonkwoman38 · 14/07/2022 20:23

Our gp says my DH has had covid this week despite his negative tests. She said many covid cases not testing positive so maybe be less hard on him.

How would she possibly know this?

Intransigentcat · 14/07/2022 21:29

Even if he was ill (which given past performance may not be the case) it was still an absolute dick move to get someone with a high fever out of bed to care for the kids, especially given the OP has said he DH had no outward symptoms of illness other than a brief bout of diarrhoea Massive temperature trumps feeling a bit grotty in my book.

Jalisco · 14/07/2022 21:29

Well, since there are absolutely no other illnesses in the world except for Covid, then he's obviously lying. Or he might have the other virus that has been falletning people across the country that isn't Covid (and that is true - we have dozens off with whatever the hell it is - testing negative but really ill with similar symptoms). Pick your choice.

Darbs76 · 14/07/2022 21:31

A friend of mine has all the same symptoms as her husband did, even loss of taste but is negative. So he might not be lying

ReneBumsWombats · 14/07/2022 21:35

He is an amazing father

Well initially I wondered if maybe he had a false negative or a different bug, though you did say he has form. Now you've felt the need to say this, though, I know he's a malingering knob.

Original poster
Thatsnotevenmyusername · 14/07/2022 21:37

ReneBumsWombats · 14/07/2022 21:35

He is an amazing father

Well initially I wondered if maybe he had a false negative or a different bug, though you did say he has form. Now you've felt the need to say this, though, I know he's a malingering knob.

🤣

amazing father to our eldest. Slightly afraid of any care involving the baby, hence the need to get me out of bed with a fever because the baby had wakened from their nap!

OP posts:
Original poster
Thatsnotevenmyusername · 14/07/2022 21:39

Intransigentcat · 14/07/2022 21:29

Even if he was ill (which given past performance may not be the case) it was still an absolute dick move to get someone with a high fever out of bed to care for the kids, especially given the OP has said he DH had no outward symptoms of illness other than a brief bout of diarrhoea Massive temperature trumps feeling a bit grotty in my book.

Yes absolutely. Had he genuinely been feeling ill I can guarantee I was feeling much worse with my fever!

OP posts:
Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 14/07/2022 21:41

Doesn't really matter if he had it or not. He didn't have a high fever and was acting like he was as sick as you, when evidence is clear he wasn't. I diagnose penis, seems to cause all sorts of base lowlife shit behaviour.

ReneBumsWombats · 14/07/2022 21:42

Thatsnotevenmyusername · 14/07/2022 21:37

🤣

amazing father to our eldest. Slightly afraid of any care involving the baby, hence the need to get me out of bed with a fever because the baby had wakened from their nap!

Show quote history

Fuck's sake. Baby isn't his first child, what's he scared of?

TheBigPeach · 14/07/2022 21:46

Did he swab his throat, we kept getting negatives here until we did the back of the throat.

I voted uanbu though because that was unkind knowing how sick you were