To be furious husband pretended he had covid

[Thatsnotevenmyusername]

DC and I have had covid for almost a week now. Second time round, first time was thankfully very mild for all. This time I have felt like I have been hit by a bus, 39c+ fever for days, extreme fatigue, headache, nausea, pains, malaise and flu feeling etc DC have been very unwell too with high fevers and vomiting. DC are preschool age and a baby.

DH says the day I tested positive he feels unwell too, doesn’t have similar symptoms to us (no fever, etc just feels tired and under the weather, some diarrhoea.) DH tests negative but we assume it will be positive in the coming days. The next few days are spent in a blur caring for the sick children, very ill ourselves (supposedly), taking turns to nap while the other cares for the DC. I was lying in bed with fever feeling really unwell but was told to come down and help with the DC as DH was “really sick too.” Even when he was up he lay on the settee the whole time complaining how ill he was for days and how he was “just as bad as me” even without the fever.

I tested again today with a very strong positive (initial lft was a faint positive) so I asked DH to test again too as his should definitely be positive by now. (I had my suspicions at this stage as his supposed symptoms weren’t anything like ours.) Lo and behold his test is negative. He’s adamant he’s been just as sick as us even if it hasn’t been covid (what are the chances, eh?) I am absolutely disgusted that he would drag me out of bed with a fever to make me look after sick children while he lay sleeping on the settee feigning covid. I am so upset and now a huge fight has ensued and I don’t even want to look at him. He says how dare I say he hasn’t been sick (he has had no outward signs of illness, only symptoms he can say are affecting him.)

For info he has form for doing things like this, any time I am sick he says he is too. My most recent pregnancy he honestly spent more of it ill than I did.

AIBU to be this upset?

Several friends have reported ill family members who have never had a + LFT when other have Covid, so sometimes it doesn't show up - he's not necessarily 'pretending'

Yes swabbed both throat and nostril! Same method as when he tested positive in January

I would’ve said YABU as I was very ill a few months ago -wasn’t covid though. However you say he has form so, YANBU.

, it’s that if he has it now why isn’t it showing on an lft (sorry two lft’s) when it did show positive when he had covid in January

Why are you obsessing about January? That has nothing to do with whether he had Covid now or not.

I hope you feel better soon.

I had a former co-worker who would get sick and take time off every time I got sick. What he didn't know is that I would get period flu. Something he couldn't get ever, but he always blamed me for getting him sick and would take a week off. Every. Month. My boss knew what was going on because I had to explain it to him as to why I was coming to work sick. After 6 months of documenting it, one week off every month, my boss called him on it.
He didn't stay much longer after that because we didn't believe anything he said.

First time I had covid I was negative on lateral flow, only showed up when I went to get a proper test. 2nd time I had it the lateral flow was pretty clearly positive. It doesn’t always show up.

He's a twat, sorry!

Isn't this literally why we tell people not to lie? If you do, and get caught, then people won't believe you next time. Even if he is ill, he is reaping the rewards of being a skiving liar all the other times because you have a legitimate question of whether he is genuine this time. If he didn't want to be questioned, he shouldn't have been such a dick and if he is really ill, it serves him right for all the times you have taken up the slack when he was swinging the lead.

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My ex said he had covid all week and so couldn't do an important thing but now fancies doing something else and is feeling fine - tosser

You don't know he doesn't have it. My DM was feverish for three days and never tested positive, DF was positive but only feverish one day and had a much milder case.

It's a very convenient excuse which they roll out when needed Imo (not all of them, I add)

There were 4 of us in the house when covid hit. 3 of us tested positive with similar symptoms, 1 tested negative but with stomach flu type symptoms. Similar happened in a colleague’s house, youngest child kept testing negative despite being ill. Some people might just test negative. Also, how sure are you that he done the test accurately? Could have been a poor swab

I suggest that in future when you are ill you just brush it off with a laugh and an eye roll when he says he is ill too. "Oh I have a cold and you have flu...what a surprise. Have you taken the bin out?"

"Oh I am ill and so are you.....is it Man Flu, Maningitis or Manthrax this time?"

Do not take him seriously and DO NOT get out of bed when he demands your time.

"No. I am ill I am not leaving my bed"
"But I am ill too"
"Then call a babysitter".

He is only doing this because you enable it. And on the odd occassion he is actually ill well, he will learn a lesson wont he?

My husband tested negative for Covid with about 3 lateral flows, it wasn’t until we paid for a PCR for travel he tested positive. The second time we got it he also tested negative despite feeling ill for about 5 days, and then eventually tested positive. I also tested positive on one PCR (ordered through gov one) and negative on the other PCR (ordered through private travel company) after being abroad. The tests are really not that reliable and I think it is a bold statement to accuse your husband of faking sickness!

DH always feels really ill when one of us is. He's been able- through gentle discussion- to realise that it's psychosomatic. He genuinely thinks he's ill, but he isn't. He was convinced he was ill when I had Covid. Took time off work etc. then a few days later actually got Covid from me and realised he'd not had it before 🤣.

I think it's a confusion with empathy (which he isn't very good at). Instead of seeing you are ill and looking after you as an expression of empathy and concern, DH sees you are ill and ..... gets ill too!

He's much better now we've talked about it.

Your DH is upset because he thinks you think he's deliberately faking it. He probably isn't.

^^ This.

With his past form I think it’s rational of you to be livid at him. This isn’t the behaviour of someone who is trying to be supportive in an equal partnership. It’s the behaviour of someone who, consciously or not, cannot bear the idea of doing more for a short time or, possibly, of having to take on the “wife work”.

This is an interesting take on it, pickle. I’ve just posted a very unsympathetic post about the DH but had not considered this possibility at all. But I can see how, in our culture, this could be why the behaviour seems so widespread.

What he didn't know is that I would get period flu

What on God's earth is period flu @crazeelala2u ?

He could definitely be ill with another illness or have covid and be testing negative.
When my DH had covid in 2021 I had very similar symptoms to him (also without the fever). I was so unwell but multiple tests were negative. I don’t know if it was covid or just a coincidence but I wasn’t making it up.
We both tested positive for covid recently and I had very similar symptoms to the time in 2021.

If you and your children have covid and he has been in close contact it's highly unlikely that he hasn't caught it too. The tests aren't always accurate.

When I had covid the first time, when I was at my worst and felt like I was dying (yes this is meant to be dramatic) I kept getting negative lateral flow tests. Only my pcr test was positive from the hospital. Not everyone gets positive lateral flow tests and they're sometimes incredibly ill with covid. If he was faking it I doubt he would have willingly done a test in the first place if he knew it would be negative

@saraclara

Instead of normal PMS when I get my period, I get flu symptoms. I get the aches and a headache and feel generally like crap for 3-4 days like I have the flu. I even get chills without a fever. It sucks so bad.
It's just something I get and no one can 'catch' it as it's just something my body does. It's not that common according to my doctor, but he definitely thought he got the flu once a month from me.

I’d be suspicious too.

If he has form you are right to be suspicious.

But just to play devils advocate, false negatives are common on home tests.

DH had Covid in March and it was like the worse cold ever. Buckets of snot and mild fever, Covid cough for about 4 weeks, tested positive for 10 days. I tested negative twice during this time but had a fever and a banging headache 24/7, and I'm not a headachy person. No idea if I had it but it seems likely as these were two main symptoms at the time. Luckily no kids here so it didn't matter that we were both sick. DH always gets obvious colds with loads of sneezing and blocked nose; I get a sore throat (sometimes) and a fever. So it's possible to have different symptoms.

I do think he was probably putting it on or playing things up a bit though.

DH had Covid with a positive LFT.
I didn’t.
Two days later, I had exactly the same symptoms, but was still testing negative.
Another two days, my symptoms were significantly worse (possibly because I was pregnant) and DH was on the end.

Given his past behaviour, I can understand you doubting him but in this case it might be real.