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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you think to say?

65 replies

Giraffe235 · 14/07/2022 13:14

i have been trying to arrange another meet up with the man I am seeing. We’ve been seeing each other for just over two months. He said he would see me this week but so far hasn’t so I asked if he could do this evening. He said ‘hopefully, I will yes’ what would you think to this?

OP posts:
Lefeutraining · 14/07/2022 13:17

He's lazy or married or not that into you.

Original poster
Giraffe235 · 14/07/2022 13:18

I wrote the title wrong! I meant to put ‘what would you think to this?’

OP posts:
user1471517900 · 14/07/2022 13:20

I'd assume he's busy with work, so is hoping that he can get away on time but he isn't sure yet. So he wants to meet you but work might stop him.

MarshaMelrose · 14/07/2022 13:21

That he's not going to show. Which, honestly, is better to know now than later.

StrangeCondition · 14/07/2022 13:22

I wouldn't be asking again, if he wanted to see you he'd give you more of a definite answer. Don't chase him

Original poster
Giraffe235 · 14/07/2022 13:26

Thank you. He does work long hours and out of our town, sometimes very long motorway drives but it’s only more recently that it’s been harder to arrange something with him

OP posts:
HangOnToYourself · 14/07/2022 13:29

Have you asked him why he cannot confirm?

alphapie · 14/07/2022 13:40

I'd take it as he would like to but isn't sure if he can at short notice.

Merryoldgoat · 14/07/2022 13:47

Every man I know always makes the effort with people they really like.

He sounds a bit indifferent.

After 2 months my (now) DH and I would’ve seen each other every weekend and our plans would’ve been made in advance.

burnoutbabe · 14/07/2022 14:00

user1471517900 · 14/07/2022 13:20

I'd assume he's busy with work, so is hoping that he can get away on time but he isn't sure yet. So he wants to meet you but work might stop him.

Yes this.

If you have other options you'd do if not seeing him give him a deadline to let you know. Else just say you'll here from him later then.

yellowsmileyface · 14/07/2022 14:43

I personally am not a fan of "hopefully".

If it's becoming increasingly difficult to make plans (after only 2 months) I'd say he's not particularly interested, and is stringing you along.

He could claim every excuse under the sun but if a guy really wants to see someone, he'll find the time.

Triffid1 · 14/07/2022 14:48

Well, personally, "hopefully" would not work for me. It's a beautiful sunny Thursday and if he's not going to come meet me, I'd probably want to arrange an evening out with friends. But that's me.

If he'd said, "hopefully, but I'm not sure. Should we definitely arrange to meet Saturday and then if I CAN do tonight, I'll give you a shout as well" that would be different. But it doesn't sound like he's prioritising you.

Original poster
Giraffe235 · 14/07/2022 14:48

Yes this is what is worrying me. It’s giving me anxiety. It was always him asking to see me and making plans at first but something feels different.

I hate wondering all day when or if I’m going to see me.

I have questioned it to him but he will turn it on me to try and make me feel like it’s all in my head.

OP posts:
Original poster
Giraffe235 · 14/07/2022 14:49

The message is really confusing too. It read ‘hopefully baby. I will yes’

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 14/07/2022 14:50

After two months it should be getting easier to see him, not harder. He’s being very noncommittal for a reason - he’s either not that keen or he’s keeping his options open. Either way, don’t engage and don’t be too available.

alphapie · 14/07/2022 14:51

Giraffe235 · 14/07/2022 14:48

Yes this is what is worrying me. It’s giving me anxiety. It was always him asking to see me and making plans at first but something feels different.

I hate wondering all day when or if I’m going to see me.

I have questioned it to him but he will turn it on me to try and make me feel like it’s all in my head.

If it was always him maybe he is tired of being the one making the effort and wants you to for once?

Original poster
Giraffe235 · 14/07/2022 14:52

He was the one asking before but it’s been me most of the time the last few weeks but I never seem to a straight answer more recently.

the worse part is, he only lives two minutes away

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 14/07/2022 14:52

I have questioned it to him but he will turn it on me to try and make me feel like it’s all in my head.

What does this mean? Could you elaborate a bit?

SirChenjins · 14/07/2022 14:53

alphapie · 14/07/2022 14:51

If it was always him maybe he is tired of being the one making the effort and wants you to for once?

Show quote history

In which he’d be delighted at the OP asking him out and would jump at the chance to see her - not a half-hearted ‘hopefully…’

alphapie · 14/07/2022 14:53

@SirChenjins she asked him very short notice, if someone messaged me with less than a days notice I'd probably reply the same.

DoingJustFine · 14/07/2022 14:54

Did it all change after you'd shagged him a few times? #cynical

Original poster
Giraffe235 · 14/07/2022 14:55

@Merryoldgoat I said to him that it seems he has lost interest in seeing me and gave him the option of me not contacting him again. He says things like ‘don’t be daft, of course I haven’t’. I said to him more recently that I think it feels like I’m bothering him and he just said ‘STOP saying things like that baby’

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 14/07/2022 14:56

You wouldn’t reply with ‘sorry I can’t tonight’ or ‘maybe, I’ll let you know at 5 how work’s going but it’s unlikely’ rather than the unclear twaddle he’s sent OP?

Ontomatopea · 14/07/2022 14:57

Giraffe235 · 14/07/2022 14:48

Yes this is what is worrying me. It’s giving me anxiety. It was always him asking to see me and making plans at first but something feels different.

I hate wondering all day when or if I’m going to see me.

I have questioned it to him but he will turn it on me to try and make me feel like it’s all in my head.

In that case he doesn't sound like someone I'd be wanting to spend any time with

Original poster
Giraffe235 · 14/07/2022 14:57

The thing is that he told me he’d see me this week but with it being near the end of the week he still hasn’t so I asked him he could do today or tomorrow. (This was last night). He said possibly Thursday. So I asked him this morning just to see if he thinks he will be able too and that was his response. He knows I’m not available this weekend

OP posts: