What would you think to say?

[Giraffe235]

i have been trying to arrange another meet up with the man I am seeing. We’ve been seeing each other for just over two months. He said he would see me this week but so far hasn’t so I asked if he could do this evening. He said ‘hopefully, I will yes’ what would you think to this?

@DoingJustFine yes I would say so

Personally I’d text back ‘actually don’t worry about tonight, I’m going to catch up with a friend’ and see when he contacts you to arrange a date again. 2 months in should be easy.

He sounds awful. If you've only been dating 2 months, why not just move on. You tell him he doesn't seem to want to see you and his response is to tell you that you're being silly? Ugh. I got the ick just reading that.

It’s just a lot of hard work at the minute. Doesn’t seem promising that he will see me. Maybe he thinks it’s funny to string me along and leave me wondering all day which is quite frustrating as he knows how much I want to see him. I think he is playing mind games

The last two times he has suggested seeing me he said ‘I’ll come and see you tonight if I get back in time’ he didn’t even ask if I was just available just said that. I did see him but not until the last minute he came over to my house.

the other time he said ‘maybe even a quick visit tonight’ and didn’t even end up coming round

So even when it’s him suggesting seeing me it’s still an if or a maybe.

To be fair, he might genuinely want to see you but just doesn't know. The problem is that he's not willing to engage and commit and so yes, you're being strung along. He thinks you can and should just hang out and wait for him. Bollocks to that.

I hate wondering all day when or if I’m going to see me. well don't, make your own plans and if you're free you're free if not you aren't. Don't sit around and wait for him to be free.

Honestly - your last two updates make it clear - he’s a chancer and not a good bet.

I’ll confess I also take against any man calling a woman ‘baby’ as an affectionate term. But that’s a personal thing.

So it's not that he wants the OP to make the effort, he just has a problem with the timescales? Yeah, right. The correct response - if you're keen - is to say something a bit more definitive like 'sorry, I can't do tonight' or 'work is really busy at the moment, can I confirm later? If I can't make tonight can I see you tomorrow/Saturday/whenever?'

OP - I wouldn't be making any moves or being available until he could be bothered to be bothered about me. Then I'd have a think about whether I wanted someone like him in my life tbh - he sounds like he has good line in chat, but not much else.

Sorry but he's not bothered. His message is stringing you along so you'll be available if he can be arsed. I've been there OP, it never changes. Save yourself the hurt and throw this one back, you deserve a man who is excited to spend time with you.

but he will turn it on me to try and make me feel like it’s all in my head.

So he won't make definite plans, he's doesn't show up having made plans, expects you to just be there when it's convenient to him, and turns it round on you if you try to pin him down.

Sounds like a catch.

I know it's old fashioned, but I have to say men still like to do the chasing. I'd leave it to him to contact you and if he doesn't, he doesn't! That speaks for itself.

OP would you respond like that to someone if asked the same question?
You wouldn't because it isn't polite or respectful to leave someone hanging on. I'd let him go and find someone who is polite and respectful.
As PP have said, if he wanted to meet you, he would do all in his power to meet you. You can do better OP. If something starts like this, it will only get worse.

If it was tonight that was in question, why not leave it and see if he contacts you. That will tell you all you need to know.

Make plans to go out in any case - even if its just to the cinema.
if he contacts to say he can't make it.. that is something and worth discussing with him, but I suspect he's waiting for you to call. and that sounds like game playing.

Have you posted about this guy recently?

Please read the Rules.
Never accept a date for the week end after Wednesday - you're busy.
(Or at least 2 days notice )
Sounds like this has turned into a casual booty call......
I know you like him , but this is not on.
It will chip away at your self respect and no man is worth that.

Based on your updates, I'd say it's time to call it a day on this one.

He doesn't respect your time.

I have a personal rule that if plans aren't confirmed with at least 24 hours notice, then they're not happening. My time is too valuable to wait around all day on a "hopefully" or a "maybe".

He’s asked me if we can do tomorrow evening instead

Say maybe...

Say yes, then make other plans. Don’t contact him, leave it. If/ when he makes contact and says he’s coming over say “Sorry I’m no longer free, I’m going out.”

Do what exactly? Is he making plans to take you out on a date? Booking a restaurant? Or is he saying he'll come to yours tomorrow evening if he can be bothered

Do you ever go anywhere or is it just you sitting at home hopefully waiting for him to turn up? Because if it is like this after 2 months he is very very clearly showing you ate not a priority to him and he just isn't interested. And you deserve a lot more than that.

Of course you can’t do tomorrow, you have plans.

@Giraffe235

He’s asked me if we can do tomorrow evening instead
^^^
It's a NO from me!

Yes. I’m worried he’s had a better offer so decided against seeing me. He’s told me the reason is that his back is bad.