To not understand how can you live on £60 a week?

[Frequency]

19 year old DD's social worker has arranged for her to have chaperone at her UC appointments which means she can now claim. She has severe anxiety and cannot leave the house without another person much less speak to a stranger.

I've just helped her fill out a form on Entitled To to check how much she would get.

£60 weekly.

How the fuck is she meant to survive on £60 a week?

Does this mean HMRC still expect me to fund her?

Obviously I will but if I refused what the feck is she supposed to do? how can she eat and clothe herself on £60 a week? What about contributing towards gas and electric? Paying for her mobile phone? Accessing social activities?

I just don't understand how this can be deemed enough to maintain any kind of standard of living?

They asked for my income so I assume they've taken this into account. They didn't ask if I was related to her so would a friend also be expected to feed and clothe her?

You must see OP that the government can't just hand out hundreds of pounds a week to any 19 year old who essentially self certifies as "too anxious to work" but won't engage with any medical or social support that might a) get them help or b) actually evidence they are unwell?

Can you imagine what would happen if they did? Anyone who couldn't be arsed working could just have essentially unrestricted access to an amount of money that meant there was zero incentive for them to work.

Also, if your DD is not getting LCWRA or LCW, how does she cope with interviews and speaking to prospective employers?
Part of the criteria for UC when you're out of work is to seek work and go to interviews.
If your DD cannot engage with a GP, how does she go to interviews?

I dont understand how you think your DD is going to get more help, or what you expect professionals to offer if your DD wont engage with them.
What can the social worker possibly offer her?

In this case, as she’s still living at home with her mother the amount doesn’t have to cover much more than out of pocket expenses. If she didn’t have her mother supporting her she would be entitled to more help.

Another thought OP, how long does your daughter plan to claim for? Indefinitely or until she receives help for her trauma?
At the end of the day this might be the boost she needs to start engaging with services to better her mental health enough to work and support herself.
If she wants to go to the pub with friends, pay for a phone and buy clothes this might be the moment of realisation that claiming UC will not provide the lifestyle she wants.

pay for her own phone, contribute a small amount towards the cost of keeping her and leave enough for her to maybe have a night out once a month and save for some clothes

If she can get the UC, then she can do all of this - it’s just that her contribution to you for the cost of keeping her will be less, or she can contribute a sensible amount to you and have less for socialising. It’s not at all ideal, but it’s £66 more a week than nothing.

I really do hope you can persuade her to do this - for you as much as for her.

how much do you feel it would be reasonable for her to receive? You have said that you will obviously support her so I assume you have the funds to do so

And what if the OP can't afford to support her? Does it occur to you that there are many parents out there having to support adult children, regardless of whether or not that's really affordable, or force them to move out when they're not really ready for it? Given that the OP's daughter would cost a whole heap more if she moved out, maybe a system that gives something back to parents of over 18s still at home would be useful?

I also don't understand how she can manage going to a pub. Surely it could be full of strangers, bar staff she wouldn't know etc. If she can manage that she could stack shelves in a supermarket or something? You dont have to interact with basically anyone to do that.

Or be a cleaner or something where you work alone.

Would her mates go with her to the gps

I work from home. I've suggested that to her. The main issue she would face is left school shortly after turning 15 so has no qualifications at all.

She's really good at art and creative activities. I have offered to help her set up a business selling hand crafted candles or soaps etc or set up on freelancing sites doing art. I've offered to teach her photoshop so can work in design as a freelancer.

She cannot do anything new. She doesn't have the confidence. Even things she loves.She's convinced it will fail and then she "will feel even more shit and useless and might as well just throw herself of local high building". Most days she cannot actually leave her bed.

Re social activites: she often doesn't manage to get to them. She plans them and then backs out at the last minute. She was supposed to be going to a local gig tomorrow night and has already told me she's likely not going so can she please stay here with me and can I please not invite my work friend around so she can sit with me in the garden and have a bottle of wine. Out of every planned activity she manages to actually attend approx 1 in every 5 planned. These are mostly the ones myself and my sister will attend with her. Me, my sister and my mum attended her boyfriend's 18th with the rest of their friends. It was the only way he could be guarenteed to get her there.

carer's allowance is less than £70 a week, and no other benefits kick in.

I'm not sure AIBU was the best place for you to post.

There is a limited amount of money available for those who need state support. Whichever way you cut the cake, the slices will always be small. Under 25's have historically been paid lower amounts as the assumption is that they are less likely to be living independently and do don't have rent and bills (even though I appreciate that if they are living at home they may still be required to contribute towards household expenses).

You and the SW need to impress on your daughter the need to engage with the GP in order to get help with her anxiety. You say that "She didn't choose to be ill" and I get that (my DD has stress, anxiety, panic attacks and depersonalisation - derealisation disorder) but in the eyes of the state, she is not I'll because there is no medical proof. She needs to be encouraged to take that first step and engage with the GP- get a med cert as she may then be entitled to more financial support.

The UC questions will ask who she lives with - entitled to is just a guide to what a person my be able to claim.

Claiming PIP is another option, but I imagine that a claim would be unlikely to succeed at the moment as there is little/no medical evidence to support the claim. However, if you think she is entitled to help, it's always better to claim it than not.

can you imagine what happens if the young person is orphaned...

Its a shit show

The difficulty with applying for PIP is there are only 2 areas she is likely to score, socialising and making journeys but actually she can do both of those things some of the time / to certain places / with certain people. So you would really need some good evidence (social worker report, doctors letter etc.)as well as ideally someone knowledgeable to help complete the forms appropriately and explain exactly what the impact is.

Out of interest, I looked up how much students live on and found this Which article.

student fiannce

Excluding accomadation, it totals £514, per month,ie £128 per week. However £200 of that is food, bills and transport, which reduces the weekly bill to £78, not so far off the £60.

(I’ve assumed a four week month, but if you average it over 52 weeks, it comes to £118 per month, or £72 without above costs).

so can she please stay here with me and can I please not invite my work friend around so she can sit with me in the garden and have a bottle of wine.

I hope you said that she’s welcome to come and sit with you and your friend?

Unfortunately avoidance makes anxiety much worse. It’s really hard and distressing but the best thing is not to give in to requests like this. You can’t force her to go out but you can certainly not make your world and her world smaller still.

You have my sympathy @Frequency. I hope your DD eventually finds a way to overcome her anxiety. The mental health services are completely overwhelmed and so many young people are falling through the cracks.

if she is living at home I think £60 is doable £25 for food maybe less ( we feed a family of 3 on about £70 a week), £ 5 towards electric /gas; £10 for clothes, £5 for toiletries and make up ( this is 750 a year which is way more than I spend as an adult) leaves about £15 for socialising

a SIm only card with unlimited minutes and texts is about £5-10 a month

Was sympathetic until you said she hadn’t been to the GP as she was too anxious but could go to the pub with mates. You want the state to provide £100 pocket money indefinitely to an adult with no diagnosed medical issues. To be honest in that situation I think £60 is generous.

This is hard to read. You’ve been enabling her anxiety. The more she avoids situations the worse it gets to the point you’re at now. You need to have a clear plan of action rather than blind hope the benefit system will send her money and all will be fine.

You also have just said that she has a boyfriend. Surely to develop that relationship she must have had initial contact, messaging, phone calls, dates.... I understand that she clearly trusts him now but if she can do that to get a partner surely even a GP appt on speakerphone with you next to her may be possible?

How is she going out socialising if she can't leave the house or speak to a jobcentre worker

Carer’s allowance is pitifully, but someone wouldn’t live off carer’s allowance alone. They would either have a DH/DP that was earning or the could claim UC.

This would allow her to pay for her own phone, contribute a small amount towards the cost of keeping her and leave enough for her to maybe have a night out once a month and save for some clothes.

If she gives you £100 per month towards the cost of keeping her, that still leaves her with £140+ per month to spend on her phone, clothes and socialising. That doesn't seem too bad to me in the short term if she is only 19.

OP, as DD is NEET have you considered applying for an EHCNA? Would DD engage with an indirect form of therapy e.g. animal assisted therapy, art therapy?