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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Things you consider bad manners that others don’t

1000 replies

Novasmum · 13/07/2022 17:13

Inspired by an experience earlier today of having to listen to a man whistle for 10 minutes in GP waiting room.

Not only is it annoying but I do think it’s bad manners but I know other people wouldn’t class whistling as bad manners.

what’s yours?

OP posts:
feistyoneyouare · 30/07/2022 14:40

Cam22 · 30/07/2022 11:49

The descriptions of nose blowing or sniffing are gross. Do you have to? It’s not good manners to discuss such things.

@Cam22 you seem to be going out of your way to either seem controversial or wind people up (or both). It's boring. Might I suggest a hobby or two?

ilovepixie · 30/07/2022 21:35

Allthegoodusernamesareused · 13/07/2022 18:35

Not putting sleeves up when eating a meal. Although I totally accept that this one is very personal to me, I find it really unhygienic when people eat with their sleeves down, and potentially dangling in their food. My children know to put their sleeves up, I bite my tongue when eating with others though!

Weird! Someone pushing their sleeves up before eating would indicate they are going to get stuck in and ram the food in!

pixie5121 · 30/07/2022 22:46

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

DuesToTheDirt · 30/07/2022 23:32

Walking two or more abreast on a narrow pavement. Drives me demented. Seems like the vast, vast majority of people find it acceptable to force oncomers into the road and into traffic so they don't have to go into single file for a moment. It's so pig ignorant.

A couple of times during covid (so there was the distancing thing as well as just the annoying arrogance/obliviousness of the culprits) I was faced with people taking up the whole path - once it was four people in a park, mud either side of the paved part, and another time it was 6, yes 6 people across the pavement. I just stopped and stuck my arms out wide and made them go round me.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 30/07/2022 23:35

Walking forwards through a busy town centre, whilst looking backwards.Then being completely surprised when you’ve banged into someone.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 30/07/2022 23:37

The 4 abreast thing is annoying AF, I know just barge through people. I’m too long in the tooth to be too polite that I chuck myself into the road

SirChenjins · 31/07/2022 11:00

Walking two or more abreast on a narrow pavement. Drives me demented

YY to this! Same in shopping centres when they spread themselves out right across the direction of travel and walk reallyyyyyyyyy slowly so no-one can get past without having to overtake into everyone coming in the opposite direction

StolenWillowTree · 31/07/2022 12:19

That's probably my biggest pet peeve. I will straight up stop walking, stand still (stand on the far side of the path so not blocking anyone but very decidedly on the path) and pretend to be very engrossed in typing on my phone to force them to walk around me.

The other hack I read and have tried to great effect - I think it's called Patriarchy Chicken - is that if you walk very fast and confidently holding your phone up in front of your eyes, people will get out of your way. I didn't believe it but I've tried it and it really works! I tried it in South Kensington fighting against the museum crowds and it was like the parting of the Red Simpletons.

brighterthanaluckypenny · 31/07/2022 13:15

Men sitting next to women on public transport when there are other seats free next to other men. Yes, I know you don't want to sit next to another man spreader like yourself when you could encroach on a woman's space instead, but take a moment of self-awareness to realise that women would rather sit alone or with a strange woman then be boxed into the window seat by a strange man. We like to know we can easily get escape if we need to, because we're so used to being harassed. Be a part of the solution, not the problem.

Sitting next to a stranger on public transport who is wearing a mask when you're not wearing a mask. If they're masked up, it's obvious that they're worried about Covid, so you should either sit somewhere else, or put a mask on too.

People eating nuts on public transport. If you're so starving you will collapse unless you eat something, fine, but why not pack a snack that isn't a pretty common allergen? Not only could you be triggering someone nearby, but you're going to drop nut crumbs everywhere and get your nutty hands all over the seats and railings. Have a damn word with yourself.

Deliberately excluding people from food. If you're going to a social gathering and you know there will be people there with a disclosed allergy, why make something you know they can't eat? How mean is that? If I know that someone who can't eat gluten is coming along, it's not a hardship to switch out the regular flour for gluten-free flour. It would be different if they showed up without warning, but if you know they're coming along, why exclude them?

Refusing to tip for the sake of it. I believe refusing to tip in a restaurant is something you should only do if the food and/or service has been dire. If everyone's done a good job, refusing to tip because of your 'principles' is just mean-spirited. You're not going to change the service industry on your own, and it just means I'm going to have to pay extra to cover your meanness.

Acknowledging colleagues of a certain rank only. Anyone who will try to engage me in conversation and yet will ignore the cleaners, security guards and/or receptionist makes it to the top of my shit list. I don't just watch how you treat me, I watch how you treat everyone.

Not namedropping when talking to people who you know don't know each other that well. For example, if I've known Bob for years, but Charlie met him once a week ago and met Dan and Elroy in quick succession the same day, it's highly likely Charlie is going to struggle with names. When chatting to Bob and Charlie at the same time, I think it's good manners to overuse their names to save them the indignity of going, 'Errrr, you told me your name before but I have no idea who you are.' It's very easy to work into the conversation, 'I'm totally with you on that point, Bob. Charlie, what do you think?'

I guess my list boils down to public transport, food and people... 😂

gatehouseoffleet · 31/07/2022 14:31

Stargazinggal · 29/07/2022 08:43

Exaggerated loud yawning

Or sneezing. We all have to sneeze but you don't have to make sure the people in the next town can hear you.

SurfBox · 31/07/2022 20:45

Men sitting next to women on public transport when there are other seats free next to other men. Yes, I know you don't want to sit next to another man spreader like yourself when you could encroach on a woman's space instead, but take a moment of self-awareness to realise that women would rather sit alone or with a strange woman then be boxed into the window seat by a strange man. We like to know we can easily get escape if we need to, because we're so used to being harassed. Be a part of the solution, not the problem

Honestly I sit beside women or men on public transport and never think of the gender-just the most convenient seat. Also as a woman I couldn't give two fucks who sits beside me on public transport. Honestly darling, you have issues-I hope you don't have sons or brothers.

SurfBox · 31/07/2022 20:53

Acknowledging colleagues of a certain rank only. Anyone who will try to engage me in conversation and yet will ignore the cleaners, security guards and/or receptionist makes it to the top of my shit list. I don't just watch how you treat me, I watch how you treat everyone

what do other colleagues think of you then on how you hate men?Surely you can't treat them well if you hate them so much?

brighterthanaluckypenny · 31/07/2022 21:04

SurfBox · 31/07/2022 20:45

Men sitting next to women on public transport when there are other seats free next to other men. Yes, I know you don't want to sit next to another man spreader like yourself when you could encroach on a woman's space instead, but take a moment of self-awareness to realise that women would rather sit alone or with a strange woman then be boxed into the window seat by a strange man. We like to know we can easily get escape if we need to, because we're so used to being harassed. Be a part of the solution, not the problem

Honestly I sit beside women or men on public transport and never think of the gender-just the most convenient seat. Also as a woman I couldn't give two fucks who sits beside me on public transport. Honestly darling, you have issues-I hope you don't have sons or brothers.

Clearly you live in a much nicer area than me and/or don't travel late at night by yourself. 🤷‍♀️

brighterthanaluckypenny · 31/07/2022 21:07

SurfBox · 31/07/2022 20:53

Acknowledging colleagues of a certain rank only. Anyone who will try to engage me in conversation and yet will ignore the cleaners, security guards and/or receptionist makes it to the top of my shit list. I don't just watch how you treat me, I watch how you treat everyone

what do other colleagues think of you then on how you hate men?Surely you can't treat them well if you hate them so much?

I'm not sure where you've got that impression from. 🤷‍♀️

No one's ever attacked me at work, nor would I expect them to. I treat colleagues equally. As a woman, I'm careful about my personal safety when travelling unaccompanied, because I've had bad experiences, as have most of the women I know.

It's a simple fact that most men are stronger than most women, so unless you are in a safe space, you can't assume you're safe.

pixie5121 · 31/07/2022 21:46

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

Ameanstreakamilewide · 31/07/2022 22:24

Absolutely @pixie5121 .

As a response, it's so feeble.
I just want to say to them 'is that your best shot at a rebuttal??' 🙄

SoftwareDev · 31/07/2022 22:31

Smoking/vaping in public spaces ESPECIALLY when walking down the street leaving a trail (gross!),

Eating while walking.

Constantly looking at your phone.

Being completely oblivious to others in your surroundings (e.g. wandering out on to the road in front of cars, blocking shop entrances/exits as you are chatting with someone etc).

ArtemisFlop · 31/07/2022 23:29

I don't like it on the tube when people lean their whole body against the vertical hand rail/pole thingie. Means no one else can hold on when the twin is moving (without having to touch the leaning person - yuck!)

ArtemisFlop · 31/07/2022 23:30

Train not twin

Blossomtoes · 01/08/2022 00:30

ArtemisFlop · 31/07/2022 23:29

I don't like it on the tube when people lean their whole body against the vertical hand rail/pole thingie. Means no one else can hold on when the twin is moving (without having to touch the leaning person - yuck!)

Tough. It’s the only way I can stay upright.

cheshiredog · 01/08/2022 01:39

People sitting with their feet up on the sofa when they visit, tucking them under and all over the cushions.
I sometimes like to nap on the sofa- I don’t want to put my head where visitors have placed their feet!

CrossStitch87 · 01/08/2022 01:45

When you’re out for coffee etc with someone and they put their phone face down on the table.

I’m not going to try to read your texts, but what is it you’re hiding??

KeyboardWarriorsUnite · 01/08/2022 05:40

CrossStitch87 · 01/08/2022 01:45

When you’re out for coffee etc with someone and they put their phone face down on the table.

I’m not going to try to read your texts, but what is it you’re hiding??

Interesting take.

In my circle having the phone either not visible, or face down, is considered polite, as the owner isn't constantly distracted by notifications.

I put mine face down for that reason - so it's convenient if I need it (to look something up, it to check notifications when my friend nips to the loo, for example) but so that it's not flashing up something unimportant (most of my notifications are very dull and none require hiding).

Ladybug9 · 01/08/2022 06:19

SnowyLamb · 13/07/2022 17:18

Refusing food someone has cooked for you. Outside of allergies, I do think it's polite to at least try, but realise MN has strong views the other way on this.

Omg I came here to say this! I remember heaving into an egg sandwich as a child on the sly because I hated egg mayo and still managing to eat it as my friends mum was so proud of making us a nice lunch. She never had groceries in usually and this was a big thing, think people forget there may not be another option available when offered food. I realise as an adult now she could probably never afford to feed me as a guest when I was little but always tried, lovely lady ❤

Another one is clicking at waiting staff. Saw this at a wedding and thought WTF.

TigerRag · 01/08/2022 07:00

DuesToTheDirt · 30/07/2022 23:32

Walking two or more abreast on a narrow pavement. Drives me demented. Seems like the vast, vast majority of people find it acceptable to force oncomers into the road and into traffic so they don't have to go into single file for a moment. It's so pig ignorant.

A couple of times during covid (so there was the distancing thing as well as just the annoying arrogance/obliviousness of the culprits) I was faced with people taking up the whole path - once it was four people in a park, mud either side of the paved part, and another time it was 6, yes 6 people across the pavement. I just stopped and stuck my arms out wide and made them go round me.

Has anyone noticed it's become worse since covid? I've had to walk into a wall because 2 people decided they couldn't be bothered to walk single file.

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