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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cat as a present

60 replies

Meromb · 13/07/2022 16:42

Wondering whether or not I'm being unreasonable. If I am not, could you please help me convince my husband, what should I say to him?

My BIL's birthday is in a few days. DH and I were discussing gift ideas. My BIL loves cats and DH suggested we get him one.

Thing is my BIL's wife doesn't want a cat. DH says if she doesn't want it then it can stay at MIL's.
MIL is scared of cats and doesn't want to have one. He even asked her earlier today and she said no.

He still wants to go ahead with it.
I think it's a terrible idea and unkind to everyone as well as the cat.

He thinks the cat will grow on his mum and that he will be loved and taken care of anyways.
He is adamant. He has a tendency to want to do things that will create a reaction. A wow factor that makes people say "that's typical of DH". Im usually on board with his ideas and they tend to be really fun but I think this is too far as it involves a living being.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MrszClaus · 13/07/2022 16:43

No. Animals are a lifelong commitment - not a throwaway gift that can stay at someone else's house if someone doesn't like it. It's cruel and unnecessary.

AverageJoan · 13/07/2022 16:44

This is a definite no from me. Sounds like the poor cat will end up at a rescue through no fault of its own. Completely reckless.

WendellGeez · 13/07/2022 16:45

This is wrong. Tell him you forbid it.

Original poster
Meromb · 13/07/2022 16:48

Thank you everyone. He's at work right now. He wants to talk to me about the idea when he is back home anyways so I will tell him

OP posts:
godmum56 · 13/07/2022 16:48
  1. Animals are not gifts
  2. see 1
  3. see 2
  4. see 3
Your husband is a dick.
FeliciaFancybottom · 13/07/2022 16:48

Terrible idea, he sounds a right plank who doesn't care about anyone's feelings but his own.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 13/07/2022 16:49

Absolutely not. My son brought me a cat as a "gift" once but only because he knows I'm a sucker for a rescue and will take anything in.
In any other circumstance...NO.

BlueKaftan · 13/07/2022 16:50

An animal should never be given as a gift. It’s cruel and inhumane.

RightOnTheEdge · 13/07/2022 16:50

YANBU! It's a terrible idea and really selfish.
A pet is something that should be discussed and agreed on by the whole family and planned for. He's got no right to make that decision for them, especially when he knows the wife doesn't want a cat.

Why should MIL have to have it foisted on her? It's your DH's responsibility.
He sounds like an idiot!

xogossipgirlxo · 13/07/2022 16:50

Oh, please, don't let him. This is terrible idea.

Soubriquet · 13/07/2022 16:51

No. You never gift an animal without everyone being gifted it knows about it first.

10HailMarys · 13/07/2022 16:51

Never, ever, EVER but someone an animal as a gift. Ever.

If your husband puts his 'Hey, I'm so crazy, everybody look at me!' persona over the welfare of a living animal and the wishes of the people around him, he is a selfish cunt. I can't believe he's even considering this.

Lonecatwithkitten · 13/07/2022 16:52

Pets are expensive and time consuming and as such should only be chosen by the person investing the time and money in their care.

Clarice99 · 13/07/2022 16:52

Animals should not be given as gifts.

Your husband sounds awful, a spoilt brat who just wants to get his own way with no regard for the cat or the recipient of a very inappropriate 'gift'. Dickhead.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 13/07/2022 16:53

Do you want a cat? Unless the answer is yes and you'll take it when SIL and MIL reject it, it's a no from me.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 13/07/2022 16:54

Would the gift of a cat also include:

  • pet insurance for the next c20 years
  • a commitment to cover excess payments for insurance
  • cat litter for c 20 years
  • cat food for c 20 years
  • cattery cost for every holiday in the next c 20 years
  • a commitment to cover the cost of any furniture/carpets/curtains damaged by cat over the next c 20 years
  • divorce costs if sister in law decides this is the straw that broke the camels back

It's a bad idea. A pet isn't just a sweet cuddly thing that hangs around the house it's a long term dependant being added to the household.

ThreeLittleDots · 13/07/2022 16:54

Yanbu. Tell him it's time to grow up. I would tell BIL & SIL if I were you and get him to talk him down. The eejit.

MummaTrinee · 13/07/2022 16:54

Terrible and selfish idea.

RedCarsGoFaster · 13/07/2022 16:55

Never ever give an animal as a gift. Not rabbit or hamster for a birthday nor a puppy for Christmas.

No to animals as gifts!

Suggestions for the argument here:
dogtime.com/advocacy/32931-pets-gifts-bad-idea

Not least of all, you're dumping him with a commitment to paying for food, vets, bedding, litter, insurance for the cat for life. That's thousands of pounds in obligation. Then the time they'll have to put in, litter training, the need for someone to petsit when you're away.... That's a huge thing to dump on someone in the middle of a cost of living crisis.

ThreeLittleDots · 13/07/2022 16:55

Also get him blacklisted with your local rescues and BYBs.

Original poster
Meromb · 13/07/2022 16:56

RedCarsGoFaster · 13/07/2022 16:55

Never ever give an animal as a gift. Not rabbit or hamster for a birthday nor a puppy for Christmas.

No to animals as gifts!

Suggestions for the argument here:
dogtime.com/advocacy/32931-pets-gifts-bad-idea

Not least of all, you're dumping him with a commitment to paying for food, vets, bedding, litter, insurance for the cat for life. That's thousands of pounds in obligation. Then the time they'll have to put in, litter training, the need for someone to petsit when you're away.... That's a huge thing to dump on someone in the middle of a cost of living crisis.

Thank you for the link! Will be very helpful

OP posts:
Coastalcreeksider · 13/07/2022 16:56

Big fat NO!

I'd be furious if someone bought me a cat and I do have a cat. I would want to choose it myself .

They are a big commitment and I don't think they grow on you if you are scared of them.

Idiotic idea.

Maves · 13/07/2022 16:59

If he wanted a cat he'd already have one. His mrs don't want one so no point. If he gets a cat ever it needs to be thier choice! Plus pets as presents is ridiculous. Give a donation to cats protection on his behalf 😏

Original poster
Meromb · 13/07/2022 17:00

Maves · 13/07/2022 16:59

If he wanted a cat he'd already have one. His mrs don't want one so no point. If he gets a cat ever it needs to be thier choice! Plus pets as presents is ridiculous. Give a donation to cats protection on his behalf 😏

Exactly! BIL told me once that he was waiting to get a bigger place, have more time as he spends a lot of time at work, and for his wife to accept it.

OP posts:
toastofthetown · 13/07/2022 17:00

Cats are a potentially an eighteen year commitment. Pets can be very expensive. Pets have lifestyle limitations in terms of spontaneity. His wife doesn’t like cats and should have to spend the best part of the next couple of decades living with (and presumably financing) an animal she doesn’t want.

Would it even be a wow gift anyway? I love cats and my husband doesn’t, and if someone gave me a cat as a gift I’d be annoyed as I’m aware of the time commitment (which at this point in my life I’m not willing to make for a pet), financial commitment (in a time where costs are increasing) and I’d be annoyed on my husband’s behalf as he doesn’t want a cat. And I’d be pissed of on behalf of the cat who didn’t choose any of this and deserves a stable loving home.

Also not an expert, but would a responsible cat breeder have a cat available in the next couple of days to be given away as a gift? If this was a dog I’d be concerned about puppy farming but not sure if there are similar concerns with cats.