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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cat as a present

60 replies

Meromb · 13/07/2022 16:42

Wondering whether or not I'm being unreasonable. If I am not, could you please help me convince my husband, what should I say to him?

My BIL's birthday is in a few days. DH and I were discussing gift ideas. My BIL loves cats and DH suggested we get him one.

Thing is my BIL's wife doesn't want a cat. DH says if she doesn't want it then it can stay at MIL's.
MIL is scared of cats and doesn't want to have one. He even asked her earlier today and she said no.

He still wants to go ahead with it.
I think it's a terrible idea and unkind to everyone as well as the cat.

He thinks the cat will grow on his mum and that he will be loved and taken care of anyways.
He is adamant. He has a tendency to want to do things that will create a reaction. A wow factor that makes people say "that's typical of DH". Im usually on board with his ideas and they tend to be really fun but I think this is too far as it involves a living being.

AIBU?

OP posts:
mbosnz · 13/07/2022 17:04

As PP said, 'animals are not gifts'.

Like having children, it takes two yeses to make a pet a good idea, and only one no.

He is being very self absorbed and wanting to do this for all the wrong reasons.

ThreeLittleDots · 13/07/2022 17:04

would a responsible cat breeder have a cat available in the next couple of days to be given away as a gift No

If this was a dog I’d be concerned about puppy farming but not sure if there are similar concerns with cats

Yes, there are, with many kittens being sold at a far too young 8 weeks old (instead of 12+) without insurance, vet checks, flead, wormed, microchipped or spayed/neutered

Bonjovispjs · 13/07/2022 17:06

A cat is a 15-20 year commitment, it's not up to your husband to decide that his brother or mother should have one, that's their decision. Your husband is a total moron, I can't believe in this day and age people are still giving pets as gifts (or considering it) this is exactly why animal shelters are full of unwanted cats and dogs, I know, I've worked in one.

ThreeLittleDots · 13/07/2022 17:06

Responsible breeders and rescues will also want to do a home check first and would NEVER sell a cat to someone gifting it on.

PrawnGoDookaDooka · 13/07/2022 17:14

I've love it if someone gave me a cat. But I want one. I wouldn't want one from somewhere that would sell me one without a homecheck or anything like that.

If your DH can magic up a kitten next week without reserving one weeks ago, to give to someone who doesn't want one, who lives in a house that no one has checked - then he'd better be prepared to pay for pet insurance as well.

godmum56 · 13/07/2022 17:16

PrawnGoDookaDooka · 13/07/2022 17:14

I've love it if someone gave me a cat. But I want one. I wouldn't want one from somewhere that would sell me one without a homecheck or anything like that.

If your DH can magic up a kitten next week without reserving one weeks ago, to give to someone who doesn't want one, who lives in a house that no one has checked - then he'd better be prepared to pay for pet insurance as well.

oh sadly it is possible to magic up a kitten if you will pay the purchase price.

ihavenocats · 13/07/2022 17:37

No, buying and selling living animals as though they were things to be given as present is just horrific. take him to a shelter?

maddiemookins16mum · 13/07/2022 18:11

Well no rescue will let you adopt a cat as a gift for someone.
That leaves Scumtree etc, where people don’t neuter their pets for profit.
It’s a terrible idea.

DDivaStar · 13/07/2022 18:15

Never ever buy presents as gifts.

Happenchance · 13/07/2022 18:15

I would suggest sponsoring a cat instead.

violetbunny · 13/07/2022 18:18

No rescue in their right mind will let you adopt a cat if they know it's as a gift.

Cats aren't cheap, I have two and one of them has ended up costing thousands in vet fees despite being insured, not to mention numerous trips to the vet regarding his health issue, requiring me to find time during working hours every second week to drive the cat across town and back.

I did it happily because I understood the responsibility when I adopted him, but you cannot inflict that on another person without their consent. It wouldn't be fair on them, and it especially wouldn't be fair on the cat,

Choccywoccydoot · 13/07/2022 18:29

DDivaStar · 13/07/2022 18:15

Never ever buy presents as gifts.

That is very deep 😂

Etten · 13/07/2022 18:46

Absolutely not. He can’t make that decision for them. He is committing them to potentially 15 years of vets bills/insurance, boarding fees and pet food. Add that lot up and decide if you would like that as a present. If it’s your own choice, that’s a different matter.

AllFreeOwls · 13/07/2022 19:17

Pets aren't gifts.

Why does your DH feel he can made a 15+ year commitment for someone else?

Is he going to pay for the pet insurance, food, vet bills, cattery/pet sitting expenses for his brother?

Why does he believe he can ride roughshod over his sister-in-law's wishes?

Original poster
Meromb · 13/07/2022 19:52

He got back home and we spoke. I told him all the reasons you guys stated and he agreed not to get one

OP posts:
Annfr · 13/07/2022 19:55

Maves · 13/07/2022 16:59

If he wanted a cat he'd already have one. His mrs don't want one so no point. If he gets a cat ever it needs to be thier choice! Plus pets as presents is ridiculous. Give a donation to cats protection on his behalf 😏

This!!!!

Wellthatsjustswell · 13/07/2022 19:56

Good, but just In case he changes his mind

Cat as a present
Ontomatopea · 13/07/2022 19:59

Utterly ridiculous idea

SaintHelena · 13/07/2022 20:04

I would tell MIL, DB etc of his plan - then leave it up to them to argue with him.

TooTiredToSleepRightNow · 13/07/2022 20:15

Just don’t. I mean it’s bad enough without his wife not liking cats. Poor cat, this is the reason so many end up in rescues.

bloodyunicorns · 13/07/2022 20:25

No. Bloody awful idea, like everyone has said. Animals should never be presents. Is he an actual idiot?

CanaryShoulderedThorn · 13/07/2022 20:36

Well done in getting him to see sense. How about sponsoring a tiger or leopard or something? We got our dog after he ended up in rescue after being bought as a gift for an 85yr old lady who was in no fit state to look after him and to her credit she realised this.

Mellowyellow222 · 13/07/2022 22:40

When I was a child our neighbour had twins.

when the hit home from the hospital there was a lovely basket on their door step with a baby bunny as a present for the new twin girls. It had a pink bow and everything.

it was a wow present from the new dad’s boss!

needless to say neighbours could not cope with a bunny and new twins! And so he was mine😊. Looking back it cost my parents a fortune - a new hutch, a run, a visit to the vet!

who the hell buys animals as presents. Getting a pet is a huge decision.

OnTheBoardwalk · 13/07/2022 23:01

Glad you’ve spoken to him

if he turned up at my door with a gift of a cat it would be going back home with him

HelloBunny · 13/07/2022 23:04

If someone bought me a cat, I’d never speak to them ever again...

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