Asking for an exception to the 'water-only' rule at DD's school?

[Lem0ndrizzl3]

I know there's another discussion about water at school at the moment but it didn't really apply to my DDs situation. DD is starting primary school in September and she will not drink water. At all. She is autistic and has a lot of sensory issues around food and drink.

She currently attends half days at nursery 5 days a week and she is sent with water every day but will not even have a sip. She is always so thirsty when she gets home and I'm really concerned about her going all day without a drink.

I understand the issue with squash in the classroom but I'd even be happy to bring in a drink at lunchtime every day if it meant she wasn't getting dehydrated. Would this be an unreasonable request??

Also she has difficulties around eating at nursery. Most days she hasn't touched her lunch, even with lots of encouragement from the nursery assistants. Any suggestions on making sure she eats at school?

Sorry if these questions seem ridiculous, I'm just scared about the transition to primary school and I've been trying to contact the SENCO but I've had no luck.

Milk?

i also did the coloured / metal bottle for squash.

the only way I could get water into her was freezing it so it was ice cold. But then all the other kids did it and some bottles cracked and that got banned too.

I have taught children with autism and l notice they have the exact same lunch every day for the whole year. So if there is two things she will eat just give her that everyday. Usually something very plain . And we always allow for their drink of choice...well as far as possible. So there should be no issue.

None of my three children are autistic but they are very reluctant water drinkers

with infants school I was honest and upfront with their teachers and said I needed to give them very weak squash so that they didn’t get dehydrated. This was after a month of doing it and no issues or ticking offs so I am not sure they even checked to be honest
my eldest at junior school has half cooled boiled water and fruit water mixed up in a large bottle. No issues there either.

to be honest I have spent the last few years stood with parents on school yards who have dehydrated children coming out of school with headaches which I think is unacceptable.
as long as they are brushing their teeth twice a day and eating a balanced diet then truthfully I don’t see what difference 500 mls of ultra weak squash or fruit water over six hours makes. Rather have that than dehydration and headaches.

I think that's completely reasonable to be honest. Are the nursery not already concerned that she doesn't drink at all during the day? If not they should be. I was a child that wouldn't drink water, and I won't drink water now as an adult (I'm likely autistic but undiagnosed). There's just something about it that I absolutely hate and I'd rather go thirsty so I honestly get it. Definitely chat to the nursery and suggest what you have here. I'd hope they'd be keen to make adjustments to help her stay hydrated throughout the day

I wonder if you could start a veryyy slow transition from her current squash to the colorless one - mix them a little more pale each couple of days until she's not suspicious of colorless squash?

Would she drink apple juice or any fresh juice mixed with water? It could be very dilute or how you like it

My DS with ASD had a similar issue. I used to buy pear squash and the school bottles were like the photo. You couldn’t tell the pear squash wasn’t water. I’d ask that your DD is allowed squash as a reasonable adjustment, using this correct terminology is helpful. If the other children can’t tell your DD isn’t having water it shouldn’t be a class management issue.

My dd is in year 5 and has always taken squash to school. I always buy her a metal bottle or dark coloured, it’s never been questioned apart from once when her teacher noticed so I told her to call me if there’s a problem - they never did of course! She won’t drink water, so it’s either squash or she will go without fluid for 6 hours.

I would just send her with squash. They’ll be fine with it (especially if she is diagnosed autistic they really can’t argue this).

If you haven’t already tried, I would email the school SENCO, much the easiest way to contact teachers. If you don’t have their direct email address, send it to admin@ etc and ask them to pass it on to the SENCO. Apologies if you’ve already tried this.

She should be able to drink whatever she needs to. I have a child with asd who was similar. She is entirely capable of drinking nothing all day if water was the only thing on offer.

DD is undergoing assessment for ASD at the moment, find into the dining hall was a huge issue for her. I work in a school and get why, they’re incredibly noisy and it echos and it’s smells like school dinners as well. It’s a lot for any nursery age child, let alone one with ASD. Can you ask if they have an alternative place she can have lunch, like a Nurture room? DD loves her schools nurture room and would actually eat in there. She has now built up to going into the dining hall (with ear defenders on).

Is she on packed lunches or school dinners? At our school packed lunch kids can take juice with them, would she drink that?

They cannot leave her without a drink all day, if they aren’t prepared to compromise ask to meet with the SENCO and reminded them they are required to make reasonable adjustments. I’d be prepared to escalate it as well, some schools are taking healthy schools to a stupid level. It’s not healthy to leave a child without a drink in this heat.

I would actually send her in with squash tomorrow, tell them that’s what she will be having and tell her teacher at the door, or ask to speak to the SENCO or head tomorrow and point out how dangerous it is. The guidance on reasonable adjustments mentions changes to uniform policy if a child has an allergy, this is a similar situation so they should be prepared to to allow it.

Sorry if I'm missing something here but surely you, as the parent, have the absolute final say? There's a warning from the weather office regarding this heat, she cannot go all day without a drink. Send her in with whatever will keep her hydrated (safe).

It’s not at all ridiculous, I have an autistic son and I’d feel exactly the same way. I think you need a conversation with her class teacher and/or senco, ideally before end of term but definitely before she starts in September - about water, food and anything else you’re worried about. Has she had any transition yet?

But the water thing should not be a problem or even up for debate - it’s a perfectly reasonable adjustment for her diagnosed and documented disability. Don’t get in to offering to go in each day, you shouldn’t have to. I’d just ask if they’d rather she had a non-transparent bottle to conceal it from the rest of the class. (I’d have an argument right now with her nursery too actually because she should be allowed whatever she will drink there too.)

My son barely touches lunch at school, despite trying all sorts of adjustments. He just eats more at home to make up for it.

This may be a silly question, but is refusing water based on appearance? You mentioned she refused flavored water without trying. Have you tried a flavored water (or plain) with food coloring to get past the first refusal?

My ds has SEN and refuses plain water. Our school has a “water only in a transparent bottle” rule. I bought him an orange bottle off Amazon that is semi transparent, so you can see there’s nothing fizzy in there but I can add a bit of orange squash without anyone noticing. No one has said anything, and if they do they’ll be told it’s a necessary adjustment 🤷🏻‍♀️. They can’t expect a child to go all day without a drink - it’s not as if they’re just being fussy, they aren’t trying to be difficult.

Dd wasn't diagnosed at that stage but school were 100% clear bottle and water only. It was awful. A second school was a bit less militant and she was diagnosed a few months in.

I have 2 ASD kids, neither would drink water until they were about 8 or 9. School allowed squash in the end as it became a risk to their health. I very very gradually made it more dilute so that over the course of over a year it was barely noticeable as squash in the bottle (lemon squash).

I have a genuine question as I see this same issue pop up on various forums frequently.

How do children end up drinking squash in the first place? Surely if they had never had it they wouldn't know any different? Guidance when I had my children was water only for teeth purposes probably and I was always aware they'd need water in school so mine had never been given squash to know it was an option.
Mine have now been offered squash at various events and refuse and ask for water. Exception is DS2 will ask for an applied juice as a treat after having a slurp of nanny's one day I'm the garden.

It's a reasonable adjustment and not unusual for an Autistic child. Have you tried gradually watering down what she usually drinks? Or tried very weak juice? No matter the result we always give lots of praise for trying. I wouldn't water down without explaining if DC tends to pick up on these sort of changes. Trust is important.

Not eating at lunchtime I'd think sensory overwhelm. Would she have one of those protein and milk poppers? I know a few people that use these for school lunches for Autistic children that can't eat at school.

As for the SENCO have you tried emailing the front office and asking them to pass the email on to the SENCO? You could attach a letter if it's sensitive information. I've found doing this gets better response then calling and asking for a call back. We don't know teacher till first day school, but the teacher once one is assigned. Teachers find out the week before school starts. I attach DC therapy reports and assessments and a letter where I've written relevant information the teacher needs to know. Our DC are all Autistic, 2 with anxiety as well, so I spend a lot of time communicating with the school, SENCO and teachers.

*apple juice

I don't get the obsession with schools policing what the children eat and drink, it's squash not like she's taking in coke!
My son is autistic and has never liked water so he's always taken squash in and I just ignored the messages (they were for everyone not just me)
She needs to be drinking especially in this weather! I wouldn't even be asking if I were you, I would be telling them

How do children end up drinking squash in the first place? Surely if they had never had it they wouldn't know any different?

In the case of some it's to avoid hospitalisation due to dehydration. Please don't point the 'parenting' finger. It's fucking hard to watch a child refuse the very most basic drink (and foods for that matter) which keep them alive.

I agree. I send DC with whatever is to hand. It’s up to me what I send in, not the school.

Has sh only tried tap water? Would bottled water taste better to her?