Couple of years ago I met up with a woman I only knew via women's/feminist Facebook groups. We found that we lived near each other, so decided to meet in real life.
I was 60 and she 40 and a single mum to a five-year-old. We met and had a wide-ranging, good-humoured discussion for about an hour, mainly about women's issues, her life, my life, etc. She calls herself a feminist. We got on really well. I'd brought her a gift (a local interest book I'd written, dedicated to her and signed) and she was thrilled and appreciative. We ordered tea and cakes and, because she had mentioned that she was hard up, I discreetly picked up the tab. When we left, she walked alongside me (I am mobility-disabled and use an electric wheelchair), keen to keep the convo going until we had to part. She kissed my cheek as we parted and I genuinely felt that I had made a new, like-minded friend.
She rang me a few days later and we had a friendly convo on the phone. Then about a week after that I ran into her by accident in the town centre. She greeted me with a huge smile and a hug. Her child was on a timed, paid ride so I waited with her and chatted until the ride ended, then I left, without interacting with the child at all. She waved me off with a smile hoping she'd 'see me soon'.
At no time did I say or do anything weird, eccentric, or in any way less than sane, normal and socially acceptable.
Sorry the back-story was a bit long but I didn't want people to have to ask me questions and then I'd have to drip-feed.
A few days after this I visited one of our FB groups to read her telling all the other members, none of whom had ever met me or even had a DM exchange with me, that she had met me and that I was 'batshit crazy,' 'insane,' 'unhinged' and 'mentally deranged'. She said that when I approached her in town she was 'terrified' that I might 'harm her child' so she 'humoured me' until she could get her child to safety. Reading her comments I literally went into physical shock, shaking and welling up with tears. I could not believe anyone could write such things about me, of all people. I'm a fairly quiet, studious type of person.
I spent hours going over everything I could remember us talking about, what I wore, what I said, how I behaved, etc. trying desperately to think of what she could possibly have misinterpreted, but I could not think of anything.
I messaged her to ask what on earth had prompted such untrue comments and she blocked me. From then I could not see her posts, but I could see other women responding to her posts about me. To my horror, people were saying things like 'Wow, she sounds crazy' and 'thanks for the warning - will unfriend' and that they were going to ask the group owner to ban me. Then I noticed that one by one they were blocking me, even those I had had pleasant exchanges with. It was like being trapped in a nightmare, but I could not wake up.
I could not think of anything I could post to 'prove' that I am not what she claimed, so I stopped posting. Then I found myself ejected from one group, then another. I have shed many tears over this, it was so horrible and so utterly unfair.
I have a problem with my spine, but I have literally never suffered any form of mental illness whatsoever. (Even if I had, I don't think her actions would have been acceptable.)
My social life is already limited because of my disability and so I rely more than most on social media and FB groups for social interaction and friendship. Because of this one person, I have been unfriended by many likeminded women and banned from several FB groups.
Next I ran into her in a shopping street and she started shouting that I was "that weird, cray-cray lady", laughing at me, making people stop and stare at me, and she marched up and filmed me with her phone, shoving it in my face whilst laughing loudly. I could not get out of the way as I was in my wheelchair and she was blocking my way. She called me a "fucking nutcase" and a "crackpot". Later I a friend said I should report her for disability Hate Crime. I phoned the police and reported the incident but they said that without an address there is nothing they can do. Her name was not known to them and may even be a pseudonym. I don't have her phone number. They said that if I could get her address I could take out a private prosecution against her for defamation (though what is the point? I'd have to pay court fees, and all a court can do is award me monetary damages, and she's a single mum on the dole.) I found out that a tracing company charges £600 to obtain an address.
I keep seeing her about town, maybe once a month, and she always points at me and laughs at me, and turns to whoever she is with, or standing near, points at me, and says horrible things about me, and then they stare at me, too, and she's turned yet another person against me in this small town.
I never react. I pretend I have not seen her. My stomach churns, my eyes fill with tears, my mood is ruined, but I do nothing.
Am I being too passive? Wimpish, in fact? Should I approach her when I see her and demand to know why she tells these lies? Should I follow her home so I can get an address to give the police?
AIBU vote:
YES, YOU ARE BEING UNREASONABLE TO BE SO PASSIVE ~ Obtain her address, report her for disability Hate Crime and/or sue her for defamation. Take her photo and make a complaint to the police every.single.time she says things to you or about you.
NO, YOU ARE NOT ~ Continue to do nothing. Rise above it. Ignore here when you see her, and let her get away with everything she's done and continues to do.