To think it’s strange to expect hand-me-downs to be returned

[k80pie]

I contacted a friend from our old town to let her know we were expecting another baby, and she offered to send some hand-me-down merino baby clothes. Her family is complete and I accepted, mostly to be polite (though I realised afterwards we don’t really need any more clothes.)

However they have arrived with a self addressed return parcel envelope - I checked with her about it and it turns out she expects them to be returned to her when we are finished with them. I honestly don’t know how we would keep track of all the tiny garments, not to mention stressing if they got damaged or stained!

I thought the general spirit of hand-me-downs was that they are meant to be given, without expectation of return?

That's barmy. I'd just send them straight back

Depends on the quality - I'd say merino wool items would be returnable.

There's no hard & fast rules. I generally returned clothes that were given to me, unless it was clear they weren't needed. Equally, I passed on my DD's clothes & were clear that they weren't needed back, I was finished my family, only gave decent stuff but was happy for it to be passed on / discarded as wished by the recipient

I think your friend has handled this well by being specific about what she'd like so everyone is clear.

YANBU. Either send them back now or leave them in the package until it’s been a convincing amount of time and then send them back.

Merino wool isn’t the kind of thing I’d want to borrow! I’d end up accidentally shrinking it or something, no thanks. 🙃

Yeah, that's weird. If you don't really need them and can politely decline then do so.

Send them straight back

Weird AF. Send them straight back.

I wish I could - it feels way too awkward to do it immediately now that they’ve arrived and she’s spent money on sending a large parcel!

I would probably just package them up. Wait a few weeks and then send them back. It is not worth the stress or hassle trying to keep track of them/not stain them or lose them. At least she was upfront about wanting them back.

There are no rules. As long as they’re clear up front that they expect them to be returned then that is fine.

You are also ok to not want them in that basis, I agree, keeping track of everything could be difficult so send them back and say just that

No need for anyone to be upset

I’d say merino wool items would be returned. Little cotton babygros no. Is the whole package just merino wool items?! Worth clarifying with her what she wants back if not.

I wish she had been straight up and asked if I would like to borrow the items though? Then I for sure would have said no, because of the pressure to keep them pristine. I had to clarify the reason for the return envelope, and now I think I just have to keep them in the cupboard for a year and try to remember to send them back!

If the items are precious enough to want back why even lend them out in the first place when you could risk them being damaged?

Keep them safe in the package, and gice them back to her when you next see her to save on postage.

Generally speaking, if it were a sort of big-ticket item then I think that makes total sense. I have been lent a lot of stuff by a family friend who is having trouble TTC her second baby. We agreed that I'm going to give them back when she conceives or when we're done with them, whichever comes first. But these are items like prams, high chairs, etc so it's easy to remember where they came from.

But in your situation, yes I'd say that's odd. Unless they were very unusual clothes, I would never remember which clothes came from where! And I'd feel under pressure not to get them stained.

Merino wool BABY clothes!? I can’t even keep cotton ones stain free with the full use of napisan, scrubbing and a washing machine on normal cycles

It’s better she’s saying now than later when you can’t remember what came from where. That’s happened to me. I do think it’s weird though to expect baby stuff back

YANBU, that's bizarre.

I'd send them straight back, as I'd be worried about losing something or damaging an item if she wants them back so much

I'd keep them safe and untouched for a reasonable amount of time. And then send them back then.

If I send them straight back though, I feel like that would be super awkward - I sent her a message thanking her for the parcel and the lovely garments, and enquired about the self addressed parcel - and that’s when she told me she would like them back. So now I feel like the only non-awkward option is to keep them for a convincing amount of time (as another poster suggested) and then return them! Gahhhh

I have a friend who did this. It was implied they were in loan. I gave them back and she didn’t seem to want them. I think she was hoping her sisters would have a baby (they are early 40s) but as they didn’t she’s now going to give them to someone else 🤷🏻‍♀️

Cool, yeah I will do this. So annoying to have one more thing to think about down the track (as if life won’t be busy enough with a second kid), not to mention it’ll cost me to send them back! (we live in different parts of the country).

I sold my merino baby and toddler clothing on eBay for a small fortune

I suppose she's done the right thing by being clear about it from the start, but personally I wouldn't expect anyone to return something like that.

Maybe she's thinking she'll be able to lend them out to someone else after your child's grown out of them, which I suppose is fair enough, but I would assume she'd have to accept that baby clothes might easily get ruined and wouldn't be getting precious about the condition any items were returned in?!

If it was a cot, then yes, but anything else, no.

If the items are special to your friend I can't understand her sending them to you if she wants them back.
Just put them away and send/give back after 6 months with a thank you note.