To think it’s strange to expect hand-me-downs to be returned

[k80pie]

I contacted a friend from our old town to let her know we were expecting another baby, and she offered to send some hand-me-down merino baby clothes. Her family is complete and I accepted, mostly to be polite (though I realised afterwards we don’t really need any more clothes.)

However they have arrived with a self addressed return parcel envelope - I checked with her about it and it turns out she expects them to be returned to her when we are finished with them. I honestly don’t know how we would keep track of all the tiny garments, not to mention stressing if they got damaged or stained!

I thought the general spirit of hand-me-downs was that they are meant to be given, without expectation of return?

I'd send them back politely saying you actually don't need them after all.

My SIL did this. Gave us a big bag of baby clothes and then said she wanted then back to sell after. I was so worried about stuff getting stained that we kept everything in the bag and just returned it 6 months later.

I agree.

It is a bit strange, generally hand me downs are given and not lent.
But maybe they were expensive and have sentimental value?
Either way be grateful she has been clear in her expectation of them.to be returned from the get go.
I would also be worried about them becoming damaged, especially in the wash with merino wool, so I'd pop them in the loft and return them in a few months time!

Send them straight back. If she's cross about the money it will serve as a lesson to be clearer in future.

Sorry you had not mentioned you'd want these returned. Since they're obviously of importance to you, I'd rather return them now than have anything happen to them. Sure you understand!

I do too but it seems normal.

Off topic a bit but….

I have merino wool base layers that are warm/cool as needed, machine washable, not itchy and pretty bombproof. I can imagine merino wool processed in this way would be brilliant for baby clothes.

Agree.

You couldn't possibly use them because, as you say, how do you keep track of them?

She's being weird. Just package them up and send them back whenever.

My SIL did this, she asked if I wanted to borrow any baby clothes, I say no thank you, she sent me a Next jumper with a not saying she wants it back so I sent it straight back at my own expense. Really weird.
If I was the OP I’d send them back right away then there’s no room for confusion on the friend’s part saying one item is missing.

I think you should have asked if she wants them back before accepting the offer.

Bit I wouldn’t want this hanging over me for months. Just drop them round or post them
back, and call her beforehand saying you are worried about not being able to return them in the same condition they are in now.

What ??!! Who does this, surely hand me down clothes are done with. If you want them for a potential other child, dont pass them on in the first place,thats just wierd.

It different of its an outfit for a wedding or something, yes, wear it and give it back (if in any condition to do so) but other than thats its crazy

Oh and OP just send them straight back saying you wouldn't like them to get marked or damaged.

Perfect!

We had merino wool baby and kids gear that lasted for ages, through several kids. She quite probably thinks she's doing you a genuine favour as if you like merino stuff, you usually LOVE it, and to kit yourself out with it costs a small fortune.
So being able to borrow it in that scenario would be really great.

But if you don't love merino wool stuff then yeah it's probably just a scary prospect of ruining it!

Can you go back to her and say you've thought about it a bit, and your experience of your last baby was that clothes got ruined easily, and so you are nervous about that happening with these, and you wouldn't have the money to replace them - so if she is really keen to keep them after then you'd better send them back rather than use them?

That way she can tell you how much she's worried about it - she can agree she should take them back (and has no reason to get upset about spent postage costs) or she can say that's ok use them anyway, but she knows that if she says to go ahead and use them anyway that you won't be replacing any that are damaged.

She should have told you in advance I think! I'd be terrified to use them lest I had to buy new merino wool items when my kids inevitably spilt something on them. So I imagine I would end up keeping them in a cupboard for a year then sending them back which is more admin you don't need!