To think it’s strange to expect hand-me-downs to be returned

[k80pie]

I contacted a friend from our old town to let her know we were expecting another baby, and she offered to send some hand-me-down merino baby clothes. Her family is complete and I accepted, mostly to be polite (though I realised afterwards we don’t really need any more clothes.)

However they have arrived with a self addressed return parcel envelope - I checked with her about it and it turns out she expects them to be returned to her when we are finished with them. I honestly don’t know how we would keep track of all the tiny garments, not to mention stressing if they got damaged or stained!

I thought the general spirit of hand-me-downs was that they are meant to be given, without expectation of return?

I wish she’d told me in her initial message that it was a loan situation, I would have declined, now I’m in this awkward scenario.

I just don’t understand why you would become a lending library of baby clothes?! I would either gift them, donate them, or sell them - but I wouldn’t want them back!

wrap them up now with lavender and tissue and a small thank you card - post at 'appropriate' time in the card say that they were too nice for everyday wear but it was kind of her to let you borrow them.

I think like you and was caught out when a friend asked for all the clothes back to pass on to another friend. It was super awkward as she remembered every item and I didn’t.
At least you know she expects it back, I’d do as a PP suggested and sent it all back unused in a couple of months.

I would send them back now worried if I left it a suitable amount of time she would find flaws with the clothes even if they haven't been touched and will ask you to replace/pay. I'd just attach a note and maybe a bottle of wine and say sorry to send them back so soon, they obviously mean something to you and I'd hate for something to happened to them in my care and leave it at that.

SIL did that to me (asked me to "keep hold" of her items). I was on DC3 then, fuck that shit. I gave it all back immediately.

We have a big family and lots of little ones so we pass things down to the next child of that age but its a very informal arrangement.

I would not use and send back 🙈

I would just give her a quick call or send a message saying that you didn't realise that she intended for you to return them and that you would hate for them to get damaged while you had them due to them being special to her so you are going to return them to her now.

Just get it out of the way, honesty is the best policy and all that ;-)

You will definitely shrink them!

Take a photo of your DC wearing them at some point and then just send them back.

I think both is ok!

I've borrowed and received many hand me downs and it's been a mix of wanting them back and not. I have a laundry pen and just write an initial on the label, it's a bit of a hassle but I've saved so much money not having to buy clothes! I don't return anything that's stained or lost it's elastic (and they know that, they lend as they want them used more!).

There are a couple items I've lent that I want back (and told them) but mostly I just appreciate them being taken off my hands.

Just return them. Holding onto them for a while just to avoid awkwardness is not fair on you as you will be pushed for space as it is.

Just send it back with a note thanking her for sending the clothes, but stating that it's not going to be feasible to keep track of them and guarantee that they will be returned in good condition. She's being a bit of a CF to be honest, as she's treating you as free storage for her baby crap under the guise of a gift/favour.

As others have said, if it was a large, easily cleaned item such as a pram, high chair, bouncer, etc. then a loan for the period that you need it would be reasonable, but for clothes it's bonkers.

Some ppl are like that. I had an aunt who would give me lovely birthday and Christmas presents and then ask for them back again. In the end, I just didn't open them and handed them back intact. She was loaded too.

Just don't use them keep them in the parcel and send back in 6 months or 1 year if the clothes are bigger sizes

That is exactly what I would do, but also add you would hate to mix them up or loose them.
You have acknowledged her kindness, and let’s face it, you’ve had to pay postage for items you don’t want….
Package them up now and get rid of them.
‘You can buy postage online and even pay for collection, which I do with decent size parcels.

Shes a cheeky thing really to expect things back… as you’ve said, she didn’t state it was a loan which would have given you the opportunity to decline.
If they are that precious why even lend them? Weird…

I get it, but she should have been upfront about it.

I handed loads of stuff down to my sister but told her there were a couple of things I'd like back.

I also handed lots of things down to a friend who then went on to sell it all on facebook once she was done with it. I know she's entitled to do that as I gave them to her, but it just seemed a bit, I don't know, grabby to see all my baby's old clothes come up for sale in that way.

I'd ask her to send you a list of things she's sent you - or make a list yourself and get her to agree that's what she's lent - before stuffing the whole lot in a cupboard to be sent back later.

That is odd although not unheard of. Send them back now or stick them in the attic and send them back at a later date.

@Pyewhacket , that is unusual. What type of presents did she buy you ?
I've never heard of anything like that.
My sister is lovely and would often give me stuff. A year later, oh, have you got that skirt ??! No, I haven't. I've stopped accepting now as like a pp said, I was beginning to feel like storage, and if I'd thrown it out, there was outrage. Too much stress. Plus, like op, I didn't/ don't really need any more clothes !
Sorry @k80pie , for slight derail !

Put it away somewhere and send them back at an appropriate time. No drama.

Although I'd personally just send them back now saying how kind but it would be stressful to keep track and make sure they survived intact. Thankyou for thinking of me type of thing. I'm past caring about people throwing a strop over shit.

Just pop a note in the box saying that as kids will be kids, you just didn't feel comfortable in using the clothes because you couldn't be sure that they would be returned to her in the same condition she sent them on, so best to have them back now before there is any potential damage due to wear and tear.

When are you next going to see her? Just give then back when you see her and say that you hadn't realised they were a loan and it would be too complicated to keep track of them.

One person i know did this with baby clothes. I was so she cd keep sharing them. When i was given baby stuff I would always ask if they were to.be passed on or not.

This is nuts imho. If she was only lending them to you she should have said before she posted them. Now she and you will have wasted time, money and effort sending them back and forth.

Just send them back.

‘Thanks so much but we’ve got loads of stuff now and to be honest I’d never remember what I’d borrowed and I’d hate to ruin anything. I’m sure someone else will be really grateful’

I never knew this was a ‘thing’ until MN. I gave away loads of stuff and therefore said ‘these are yours now - keep, dump, sell etc at your convenience’ to avoid ambiguity.

Also I’d want to send them back immediately to make a point because I’m a petty cunt.