Slighted by my brother and new wife?

[Livinthedream11]

We were not part of my brothers wedding party despite including him and his partner.
That was pretty hurtful, but I trudged on planning on enjoying my vacation. After cancellation, delay, long flight, long layover we finally arrived to where my brother lives. We have had a rocky relationship, but I was excited to maybe bond with him.
A lot of their friends are visiting from overseas and I understand the need to hang out with them, but they havent really made time for us (we are leaving soon) .

Whenever they get home, his wife needs alone time and we have pretty much wasted almost 2 days hanging out at their place. My husband and I have spent more time with my parents then we have with them.
Idk the alone time sounds kinda fishy to me as they jump at the opportunity to hang with their friends. I feel even more slighted. Am I being unreasonable?

For our wedding, DH family flew in. Despite being stressed and tired, I was elated to meet them and see othwr family I had already met.
I understand we are not close, but I was hoping to maybe bond.

I think YABU. If you already have a rocky relationship I’m not sure why you expected things to be different? He probably just invited you to keep the peace if you don’t really get on.

’I understand we are not close, but I was hoping to maybe bond.’

This is your brother? If you haven’t bonded by now you aren’t going to.

Maybe she's pregnant or just really tired. Personally, I found my in laws to be a lot at my wedding, although I do love them overall.

I’m sorry you’re not the centre of attention at your brothers wedding (if I am understanding the issue?) it’s impossible to tell if you’re needy or if he’s being unreasonable so I suspect it’s a bit of both. No one owes you a spot in their wedding party(?) though.

His newlywed wife wants alone time? And you think he'd rather spend time trying to bond with you? Pull the other one. Enjoy spending time with your parents, and wish your brother well.

So you're staying with the newly weds in their home, they go out all day to see friends whilst you sit in the home and then when they come home they hide away from you until you all go to bed?

I'd accept that you got invited out of courtesy, try to enjoy your last days actually doing something and let it be.

I dont know if she is pregnant. Due to living far away we (hubby and I) didnt see her at all before the wedding. At the wedding we spent an extremely small amount of time with them.

Staying in a building on their property, not in their house. I am starting to see that we are most likely not wanted.

Except they are spending hours with their friends.

Why on earth would you expect to be staying in their house?

You said you aren't close.

You were invited to the wedding.

Stop overthinking and presuming everything slight against you - this wedding and occasion isn't about you, don't make it that way.

I have not asked my brother for anything at all, just venting.

Are you sure they wanted you to come? Did they invite you to stay in their home. Weddings aren’t about bonding with people you’ve had your whole life to bond with. They’re often celebrations involving lots of people from different parts of your life you just about to catch up with briefly.

If you want to chat with your brother then pick up the phone or send him an email.

As you don’t have a good relationship I expect he’s told his wife why that is and that’s why she’s not making much effort with you.

Staying on his property was pre planned heck he invited us to stay.

They invited us to stay and my family is even staying longer to spend time with them.

If I were you I'd carry on about my day and go out and about. If they want to spend time with you they will make time.

So true! Im not begging for attention at all, just hurt that they need alone time only when its us.

Is this a situation where despite not being close at all you felt you should have had the special treatment of close family/friends by virtue of blood?

I think a wedding probably isn’t the time to bond. I’m planning one at the moment (spread over 3 days) and can’t imagine I’m going to get much time to spend with anyone really, let alone bond. Maybe plan another visit in a few months or a year to really do that, after putting in effort via phone or email etc.

Honestly, OP, you say yourself you’ve never been close. It’s pretty clear that at a wedding that involves bringing lots of people from different parts of their lives together they’ll prefer to spend time with friends they’ve chosen, rather than relatives they don’t have much of a relationship with. They invited you and put you up — isn’t that enough, in the circumstances? If you really want to bond with your brother, his wedding isn’t the time to do it.

No thanks to the trip. I understand the stress of planning a wedding, been there done that, but having time for friends, but not family weird.

If I wanted to have time to bond with someone I was't especially close to, I wouldn;t plan on doing it when they have a houseful (houses full?) of guests and a wedding to be stressed about.

he- is not you.understand that-rest falls into place?

Brothers are the worst. Thick skins to the point of thuggishness. No, they really are. Obtuse. Insensitive. Then we're like, oh, it was our own fault for having higher expectations!
Then it's like, oh SHE should have steered him better. But she's new to marriage, and possibly shy. Maybe from a different culture even, sounds like. How could she? But no, honestly, the problem is men, their limitations, and our hopes that they'll be either like women or men who are motivated by attraction. They will never be.

I would just take a step back from them, OP.

You’ve tried, they’re not interested, it’s their loss.

Live your best life (yes, I said it), and leave them
to their friends.