To just not fancy DH anymore

[Thickear]

So, we have been married for 10 years, have 2 children 5 and 2, my DH constantly farts, putting on so much weight and is so so greedy, he is lazy (literally every time I look at him he is sat down) he says I don’t like sex and I must be a lesbian 🙄

Must I add that I have been taking sertraline since my youngest was 1 as I struggled with anxiety/depression and I heard this can affect libido?

I wouldn't fancy him either! Are you wanting advice on how to change him or how to leave him?

I’m not too sure 😩

Has he changed or have you realised what he was like?

The bottom line is that you can’t change people and, ultimately, you have to be romantically and sexually attracted to someone or you may as well just be good mates. He sounds vile.

YANBU. Also leave him.

I would divorce him for saying you must be a Lesbian if you don't want to have sex with him.
Is he 12?

“He sounds vile”

Vile? Seriously? Why is that word so overused on this site? It’s like word hyperinflation.

Jimmy Savile is vile. Fritzl was vile.

the OP’s husband? (Who lets face it she chose once upon a time?)

he is not “vile”. He sounds equally depressed. Perhaps he doesn’t have the sertraline to fall back on. Perhaps he’s given up on the situation.

I don’t know this guy, he sounds a bit slovenly yes, lazy sure, but he’s not “vile”.

Am just waiting for someone to sagely come along and complete bingo by saying “once you have the ick, you have the ick”.

He makes misogynistic and homophobic remarks, which weren’t symptoms of clinical depression last time I checked. Sounds pretty vile to me.

No. You are not being unreasonable not to fancy your husband anymore. "For better, for worse. For richer, for poorer" etc; nothing in those vows precludes not finding him attractive. And neither does it follow that you must be a lesbian if you don't want sex with him, (unless you don't want sex with him, but do want sex with a woman / women.......) But if you want to leave him, for either of those reasons (or neither), then you'd be entirely, absolutely, within your rights to do so. Wishing you, and him, all the best, whatever you decide.

Really tricky situation for you, you have my sympathy. People sometimes just do give up and stop trying for their partners, it's not always due to depression. Farting, laziness and eating everything in sight...not going to flame your desire much is it. Have you discussed his behaviour with him and how it's affecting you?

I’d reply that I’d rather be a lesbian than have sex with him

I thought the definition of 'lesbian' was 'woman with a sexual preference for other women', not 'woman with a sexual preference for men with manners, who don't smell horrible'.

Not sure how you undo the revulsion. I never managed it.

I feel guilty because he is a lovely man, great father to the kids, they adore him (he does the playing I do all the rubbish parts). I have tried so hard to want to have sex but it just really isn’t there for me anymore.

honestly what would you do?

he literally eats everything, farts constantly and slobs around, his obsession with food is becoming sickening to me.

Tell him the truth when he asks for sex.

I actually have, he doesn’t seem to take me seriously? Even now lay in bed next to him, he is farting every 2 minutes and it absolutely stinks 🤢

What is it with men thinking that’s funny or acceptable? It’s a real turn off !! I would tell him how you feel otherwise the repulsion and resentment will grow . If he makes no effort to change then there’s your answer ! Believe me it won’t get better 😩

To be fair people can't help farting!

At least you will be warm in bed this winter 😂 seriously that’s disgusting I have it out with him immediately!

No but they can go and fart somewhere in private! He will be pooping next !

Of course they can
if someone is farting every two minutes they have a digestive issue that needs dealing with. If their farts are very smelly they should leave the room when they need to do it. Constantly farting stinky farts around other people is disgusting.

Every two minutes?!?

I feel for you. I would be repulsed if my husband lay farting in bed - do you tell him to stop? If so, what does he say?

I think you need to part. You are entitled to be happy. It's not your fault you no longer fancy him no amount of tablets is going to make that happen. He has to take some responsibility for the way you are feeling. He has stopped making any effort to look nice for you. What did he expect. I would be angry about that tbh. He can still be a great dad to the kids with you two apart. Life is very short. Don't spend it with somebody who has no respect for himself or you. This will only get worse if you stay with him

They can when they eat junk all day