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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To just not fancy DH anymore

74 replies

Thickear · 11/07/2022 22:23

So, we have been married for 10 years, have 2 children 5 and 2, my DH constantly farts, putting on so much weight and is so so greedy, he is lazy (literally every time I look at him he is sat down) he says I don’t like sex and I must be a lesbian 🙄

OP posts:

GladAllOver · 12/07/2022 10:30

I feel guilty because he is a lovely man, great father to the kids, they adore him (he does the playing I do all the rubbish parts)

This is where you are wrong. He is NOT a great father. He's choosing the nice bits and leaving the rest to you. He's showing the children that it's normal to be a lazy slob and treat women like shit. He's a bad father, not a great one.

Tell this idle moron that he gets his arse in gear, cleans himself up and does a proper share of family work if he ever wants access to your heart and body.

BoopTheFoof · 12/07/2022 10:33

I'd dump him for the lesbian post alone. Obviously must be one to not fancy the arse off him and the only explaintion he can think of. So stupid too 🙄

balalake · 12/07/2022 10:42

YANBU. Seems like the last good thing he did was about 2 years and 9 months ago.

10HailMarys · 12/07/2022 10:44

he is a lovely man

he says I don’t like sex and I must be a lesbian

These two statements would seem to contradict one another.

roarfeckingroarr · 12/07/2022 11:56

I wouldn't want to be with a greedy, overweight, smelly slob either. YANBU.

Tell him - sort yourself out and we will have more sex. Carry on being a grim greedy twat and we won't.

jalapenita · 12/07/2022 12:10

LOL at you must be lesbian as if you finding him unattractive isn't an option. His ego seems large

ZeroFucksGiven20 · 12/07/2022 14:28

Do other people not fart in front of their partner? 😂
I get the whole lazy slob thing though and the lesbian comment. If you don't fancy him best ending it 🤷‍♀️

Everanewbie · 12/07/2022 15:21

Hi OP. I'm not sure that the men we hear of on here get an easy ride when they mention partners' weight gain being a turn off.

I do think that partners have a right to feel let down with large weight gains and shouldn't have to pretend its ok.

KangarooKenny · 12/07/2022 16:38

Why are you sharing a bed with him ?

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 12/07/2022 16:41

I would let him have it and tell him in no uncertain terms why you don't fancy him any more and see what he's got to say about that.

LadyKenya · 12/07/2022 16:49

Chikapu · 11/07/2022 22:25

I wouldn't fancy him either! Are you wanting advice on how to change him or how to leave him?

I would be interested in hearing all about how you can change someone. I have found that you can talk until you are blue in the face, and it will make no difference what so ever, unless the person wishes to change.

HotWashCycle · 12/07/2022 17:56

He does not sound like a nice man. If at this stage you want to stay with him, you will for your own self-respect need to speak really firmly to him, as what you are putting up with is intolerable and will damage your own self-respect if you carry on as things are. Can you tell him that although you love him, you find his habits really off putting and you cannot feel attracted to him as he is. Sit him down to seriously say this, not in an offhand or casual way or when you are having an argument but because you need to talk to him about your joint future. His reaction will tell you a lot about whether he has physical or mental health issues that can be tackled if he has the will to do so, or whether he has simply zoned out and become a slob who does not care about your feelings. Tell him you will definitely not be having sex with him or sharing a bed while the farting continues. Ask him about his food and appetite, and get an idea of his take on all these issues. Then you can plan your next move - counselling or leave.

Ladyof2022 · 12/07/2022 19:14

Even if he were the handsomest man on earth, with a perfect body, the farting alone would make me leave him.

Ladyof2022 · 12/07/2022 19:15

Oh, and PS never never never have sex with him whilst he is like this.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 12/07/2022 19:29

He cant necessarily manage his weight well (obesity epidemic and the size of the diet industry shows us that) but it is more concerning that he does not care about how his behaviour is affecting you. He could sleep elsewhere, and work on the issue making him fart so much. As a PP has said, you need to have a serious chat with him about how this is making you feel. He may not be able to/find it easy to lose weight, but he can get off his arse and be useful.

Siriusmuggle · 12/07/2022 20:15

Mine is the same with the farting and also belching. One or the other every few minutes and I loathe it. It’s the first thing I hear every morning and I’m going to crack one of these days.

IrisVersicolor · 12/07/2022 20:25

If he doesn’t take it seriously just tell him that’s it you can have sex with him full stop any more. He will take it seriously when you follow through.

Huntswomanonthemove · 12/07/2022 20:29

Thickear · 11/07/2022 22:24

Must I add that I have been taking sertraline since my youngest was 1 as I struggled with anxiety/depression and I heard this can affect libido?

A fat, farting, lazy, greedy man would decrease any woman’s libido. I’m so sorry you find yourself with this man, you deserve better. 💐

DottyLittleRainbow · 12/07/2022 21:30

OP, he sounds depressed. Lots of people developed overeating issues during Covid stuck at home in lockdowns bored etc. Perhaps he needs to access some support for his mental health? Overeating compulsively is an eating disorder too.

I would sit down and have an honest conversation with him about your concerns for his health and your marriage.

PriscillaPresley22 · 12/07/2022 22:45

Start farting in front of him whilst stuffing your face then try it on, see what his reaction is! He sounds gross, tell him what you think of him and if he won't change he can fuck himself instead, what a loser. (Him not you 😀)...

BocaChica · 12/07/2022 22:52

He needs to be set some sort of outdoor exercise goal.

These days lots of DHs seem to be MAMIL cycling bores .....

Musti · 12/07/2022 22:52

Everyone farts, yes. However, most of us try and not do it in front of others because it is unpleasant. The odd one ok, but who on earth can remain attracted to a pig who keeps farting?

and he would rather accuse op of being gay than look at his own unsavoury habits

PortMac · 12/07/2022 23:15

It's probably a cycle of you not wanting to have sex so he feels down about it and seeks pleasure in food.

It's hard when food is your pleasure source because it is essential and therefore harder to moderate.

Now that he has put on weight you're even less attracted which makes him eat more.

The farting is clearly a health issue because stinky farts every two minutes is not normal.

My ten year old farts when his diet is a bit off and was deliberately farting while with us in the house.

Now every time he does that he loses a bit of his pocket money.
My point is if a 10 year old boy can control himself, so can your husband. He doesn't care because you're not attracted to him anyway.

Time for a very honest conversation I think.
These conversations are very hard and can confront our own weaknesses but if he's your husband then clearly you love him and can try to work it out.

Milkthistle55 · 13/07/2022 07:54

Personally, I'd try couples counselling to see if you can both get back on track. Having someone impartial to mediate may help.

If that doesn't work and you can't get the spark back, don't settle for a marriage with no sexual connection. Ask yourself if in a years time, do you still want to be in the exact same situation you are in now.

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