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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say these men shouldn't be allowed to keep this child.

500 replies

GrabbyGabby · 11/07/2022 13:34

2 men hire a surrogate to have a child for them via IVF. They wanted 2 boys (had names and gmail accounts for them already🙄).
The IVF clinic implanted a female foetus, and now they are suing the clinic.

I don't think they should be allowed to raise a child they clearly don't want.

www.cbsnews.com/losangeles/news/same-sex-couple-sues-fertility-clinic-over-alleged-wrong-sex-embryo-implant/

YABU they will be fine parents and their daughter will in no way be scarred for life

YANBU babies arent commodities. They should never be bought and sold, and being female is not a defect

OP posts:
Clymene · 11/07/2022 20:59

@alphapie

I didn't want a boy, and have paid for our next not to be, but my son is loved, cherished and happy. Same will most likely apply to this little one

Eh?

alphapie · 11/07/2022 21:01

VestofAbsurdity · 11/07/2022 20:57

Christ alive, you just keep highlighting your inability to comprehend written English.

You highlight your inability to write grammatically correct and easy to understand written English.

You highlight your inability to hear any criticism of your lack of ability to do the above.

You have 0 idea whether this child will be traumatised, odds are she won't. Get over it, this child exists, she is not going to be removed from her parents because of this case.

You have zero idea whether the child will not be traumatised, the odds are she will when she is made aware of the information in the public domain about her. I am well aware that this child exists, have I said otherwise? Why are you leaping to such hyperbolic nonsense statements as get over it? Oh and perhaps you can show me where on this thread I have said anything at all about the child being removed?

Perhaps reading and understanding what individual posters have actually said is not your forte, hmm.

This entire thread is about whether the child should be removed.

Children can be traumatised by a whole host of shit, it's odd you are hung up on this particular issue when she is just as likely, if not more likely to be unaffected by this.

Adoption traumatises children, should we stop removing children from bad home situations?

Divorce traumatises children, should we stop allowing people to leave their partners?

alphapie · 11/07/2022 21:02

Clymene · 11/07/2022 20:59

@alphapie

I didn't want a boy, and have paid for our next not to be, but my son is loved, cherished and happy. Same will most likely apply to this little one

Eh?

What is so hard to understand?

alphapie · 11/07/2022 21:03

AllPlayedOut · 11/07/2022 20:59

I didn't want a boy, and have paid for our next not to be, but my son is loved, cherished and happy. Same will most likely apply to this little one

So the thought of having 2 boys is so terrible that you'll pay someone a lot of money to avoid it?

Damn straight, the idea of having one boy wasn't ideal, was tempted to pay for sex selection the first time around but gave nature a chance, didn't want to make that mistake again!

AllPlayedOut · 11/07/2022 21:05

Damn straight, the idea of having one boy wasn't ideal, was tempted to pay for sex selection the first time around but gave nature a chance, didn't want to make that mistake again!

I'm living in that you're a troll because no one with that vile attitude should be a parent to a child of either sex.

GromblesofGrimbledon · 11/07/2022 21:06

alphapie · 11/07/2022 20:58

@GromblesofGrimbledon but it is a simple transaction, a simple procedure and a simple process.

You feeling sick over it doesn't change those facts.

Yes, I can see that's what you think about it all. Caring not a jot for the children in question- they can be created and taken from their mothers for a price. Nice and easy, like ordering a Big Mac at a drive through.

alphapie · 11/07/2022 21:07

AllPlayedOut · 11/07/2022 21:05

Damn straight, the idea of having one boy wasn't ideal, was tempted to pay for sex selection the first time around but gave nature a chance, didn't want to make that mistake again!

I'm living in that you're a troll because no one with that vile attitude should be a parent to a child of either sex.

What attitude?

I was able to pay to chose, I chose. Many women suffer with gender disappointment, I'd hazard a guess that if sex selection was free on the NHS a lot of women would be going down this road

B0ssAssB1tch · 11/07/2022 21:08

I didn't want a boy, and have paid for our next not to be

This makes me feel sick. That poor little boy. No matter what you say, how can anyone believe he's loved and cherished by you when you said was a mistake simply on the basis that he was born a boy.

B0ssAssB1tch · 11/07/2022 21:09

Some people aren't fit to be parents.

VestofAbsurdity · 11/07/2022 21:10

This entire thread is about whether the child should be removed.

And if you had bothered to read my posts properly you will see I have given NO opinion either way on that.

You assume an awful lot about posters and read your own agenda into what is posted don't you? Earlier on you were like a dog with a bone about posters being homophobic.

Children can be traumatised by a whole host of shit, it's odd you are hung up on this particular issue when she is just as likely, if not more likely to be unaffected by this.

Really? And the moon is made of green cheese.

alphapie · 11/07/2022 21:11

B0ssAssB1tch · 11/07/2022 21:08

I didn't want a boy, and have paid for our next not to be

This makes me feel sick. That poor little boy. No matter what you say, how can anyone believe he's loved and cherished by you when you said was a mistake simply on the basis that he was born a boy.

Never said he was a mistake, another poster unable to read properly.

I said trusting nature was a mistake. He was a chance we were willing to take, but still a bit disappointed at the outcome.

Love the pants off him though and wouldn't be without him now he is here, and unlike many mothers I did bond the second he was cut out of me and placed on my chest.

You don't have to believe he is loved, he knows he is loved.

AllPlayedOut · 11/07/2022 21:11

It's a baby, not the fucking plague! A boy(or) girl is not something to be actively avoided if there are no sex associated medical issues and any person willing to go to such lengths is not fit to look after a deceased goldfish let alone a child.

alphapie · 11/07/2022 21:12

VestofAbsurdity · 11/07/2022 21:10

This entire thread is about whether the child should be removed.

And if you had bothered to read my posts properly you will see I have given NO opinion either way on that.

You assume an awful lot about posters and read your own agenda into what is posted don't you? Earlier on you were like a dog with a bone about posters being homophobic.

Children can be traumatised by a whole host of shit, it's odd you are hung up on this particular issue when she is just as likely, if not more likely to be unaffected by this.

Really? And the moon is made of green cheese.

You really think the whole host of children who know their parents preferred a different sex are traumatised?

alphapie · 11/07/2022 21:12

AllPlayedOut · 11/07/2022 21:11

It's a baby, not the fucking plague! A boy(or) girl is not something to be actively avoided if there are no sex associated medical issues and any person willing to go to such lengths is not fit to look after a deceased goldfish let alone a child.

In your opinion, isn't it great the world isn't filled with people who all think and feel the same way

GromblesofGrimbledon · 11/07/2022 21:13

I was able to pay to chose, I chose. Many women suffer with gender disappointment, I'd hazard a guess that if sex selection was free on the NHS a lot of women would be going down this road

Again, it's all about the selfish desires of the adults and no concern for the children.

Just because a lot of people would like something doesn't make it morally right.

A preference for a certain sex has not played out well for females across the globe. That's some dangerous territory you're wading into there.

B0ssAssB1tch · 11/07/2022 21:15

You sound like you are trying to convince yourself. And your unwavering support of the couple in question is now really clear. No doubt if your baby turns out to be a boy instead of a girl, you'd sue as well. Like a baby is something to order from a catalogue and get a refund on if it doesn't meet your expectations.

Clymene · 11/07/2022 21:15

@alphapie

What is so hard to understand?

The fact that sex selection is illegal in the U.K.?

VestofAbsurdity · 11/07/2022 21:16

AllPlayedOut · 11/07/2022 21:05

Damn straight, the idea of having one boy wasn't ideal, was tempted to pay for sex selection the first time around but gave nature a chance, didn't want to make that mistake again!

I'm living in that you're a troll because no one with that vile attitude should be a parent to a child of either sex.

Hence the determination and desperate attempts to convince that the child at the centre of this case will absolutely not be harmed or affected in any way whatsoever.

B0ssAssB1tch · 11/07/2022 21:16

Love the pants off him though and wouldn't be without him now he is here, and unlike many mothers I did bond the second he was cut out of me and placed on my chest.

But you said no bonding happens in the first 4 weeks between a mother and baby. Make up your mind!

alphapie · 11/07/2022 21:17

Clymene · 11/07/2022 21:15

@alphapie

What is so hard to understand?

The fact that sex selection is illegal in the U.K.?

There is such a thing called air travel, people can leave the country they reside in and visit somewhere else. I'm surprised you're not aware of this concept.

alphapie · 11/07/2022 21:18

B0ssAssB1tch · 11/07/2022 21:16

Love the pants off him though and wouldn't be without him now he is here, and unlike many mothers I did bond the second he was cut out of me and placed on my chest.

But you said no bonding happens in the first 4 weeks between a mother and baby. Make up your mind!

Nope, i said attachments aren't from from baby to mother until 4 weeks and beyond. Which was your original point, that ripping a baby away from the person who birthed them was cruel to the child.

Christ almighty, some of you really need to go back and resit some GCSEs

Teder · 11/07/2022 21:18

alphapie · 11/07/2022 19:32

What bond?

Babies don't form attachments to their primary care givers for 4 weeks. This is a fact.

Show quote history

This does not mean that a child cannot be emotionally damaged by removal from their “gestational carrier”.

Katypyee · 11/07/2022 21:18

Surrogacy when carried out ethically is fine. I know of a woman who has carried 6 different babies as a surrogacy for couples who for whatever reason are unable to have their own babies.

A friend was unable to carry a baby of her own due to their health. So she and her partner used a surrogacy who was a friend and now they have their long awaited baby.

So it really is not as simple as banning it all.

However, this story does sound pretty unethical and not the same as what I have mentioned.

alphapie · 11/07/2022 21:19

B0ssAssB1tch · 11/07/2022 21:15

You sound like you are trying to convince yourself. And your unwavering support of the couple in question is now really clear. No doubt if your baby turns out to be a boy instead of a girl, you'd sue as well. Like a baby is something to order from a catalogue and get a refund on if it doesn't meet your expectations.

Thankfully we had an NIPT done at 10 weeks to double check and she is a girl, thankfully.

But yes, if the clinic had messed up and admitted that liability I would have sued. Rightfully so.

Clymene · 11/07/2022 21:19

There is such a thing called air travel, people can leave the country they reside in and visit somewhere else. I'm surprised you're not aware of this concept.

You flew to another country for sex selection?

I hope it fails.

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