To say these men shouldn't be allowed to keep this child.

[GrabbyGabby]

2 men hire a surrogate to have a child for them via IVF. They wanted 2 boys (had names and gmail accounts for them already🙄).
The IVF clinic implanted a female foetus, and now they are suing the clinic.

I don't think they should be allowed to raise a child they clearly don't want.

www.cbsnews.com/losangeles/news/same-sex-couple-sues-fertility-clinic-over-alleged-wrong-sex-embryo-implant/

YABU they will be fine parents and their daughter will in no way be scarred for life

YANBU babies arent commodities. They should never be bought and sold, and being female is not a defect

I would have been thrilled with a baby whatever sex but couldn’t conceive. I can’t really get my head around having a preference.

There’s a massive difference between wanting a child f a certain sex, and actually going to lengths and cost of taking physical actions of embryo selection to do that. A massive difference between a few weeks of disappointment during pregnancy vs taking a clinic to court and using them. Becuase you’re so bloody entitled to the exact children you put n your shopping list

They were offered a service they didn’t receive. There’s definitely parts of that which would feel problematic for the girl. I’m hoping they’ve thought of this and will address it. The idea that the baby should be taken away seems a tad o er the top op.

No surprise from someone who likened this situation to having your house painted the wrong colour.

Surrogate mothers are always babies' mothers. Women who use donor gametes are still their babies' mothers.

Children are a privilege not a right.

Saying "they shouldn't be allowed to raise her" is making this about the parents and your distaste for their actions, and not the child herself. She was born past year. Removing her from the care of her parents now would certainly have a very significant effect on her. There is nothing in this piece to suggest that she receives less love and care than, for example, the child of a couple born after a failed vasectomy who sue because they didn't want another child. Or a child who was the result of any unplanned pregnancy. Or the fourth son of a couple who really wanted a girl this time round. Any decisions about her wellbeing would need to be made on the basis of her actual care.

TBH I don't think anyone who has such fixed ideas of the sex of the baby they want to raise that they'll pay thousands to achieve it is going to be a particularly good parent.

It speaks to really fixed ideas on gender roles and what boys are like vs what girls are like, that you wonder how much scope their kids would have to be whatever the fuck kind of boy or girl they actually want to be, if it doesn't fit in with the parents' rigid views.

Do you judge parents who sue for other medical negligence that affects their child? The parents of the child with birth complications due to negligence which caused brain damage? Does suing somehow mean they don't love their child? Of course it doesn't!

Don't have views about the OP's question. But this scenario is totally different. Do you know how much it costs to raise a disabled child? If my baby is disabled because of the hospitals negligence- damn right I would be suing and will be using that money to take care of my child's needs.

Children are neither a privilege nor a right. They are born to great parents, terrible parents and most of us in between. I would imagine being told that having a child is a privilege you don't deserve would be a kick in the teeth when it is clearly not seen that way by some others who easily conceive them.

What sickens me is that people who have enough money get to buy the baby they want and I think this runs the risk of becoming a very slippery slope.

Loads of people have fixed ideas about gender roles. They tend not to have their children removed from their care for it.

I didn't say they should. I simply said that I don't think anyone with such fixed views on gender roles and stereotypes that they'll pay thousands for the 'right' sex is going to be a particularly good parent.

That opinion holds for all the loads of people who have such firmly fixed ideas.

While they’re entitled to get their money back the entire world now knows that they didn’t want their daughter. And so will she when she grows up.

Wheres the consideration for her! They could have at least kept it low key.

the poor, poor girl…

Do you judge parents who sue for other medical negligence that affects their child? The parents of the child with birth complications due to negligence which caused brain damage? Does suing somehow mean they don't love their child? Of course it doesn't

Being a girl isn't a disability.

Also MONEY isn’t a consideration compared to the feelings of a child. Your child.

They’re unfit to be parents. It’s just another ‘thing’ to them

Quite a few female embryos/babies were probably killed to try and enable these men's whims.

To the extent that you would remove the child, already born and at least 7 months old, from their care?

@JassyRadlett really good point! I'm a tomboy and was born after my mum had a stillborn son. I wonder why my dad took me fishing/boxing/car shows etc. I agree People so fixed on the idea of having a certain sex aren't usually great parents.

So having given birth yourself twice, you still feel there's absolutely nothing between a woman and the baby she just gave birth to for the first 4 weeks? No bond? No endorphins, no love, nothing at all on an instinctive level? They didn't seek comfort from you, instinctively seek your breast, stop crying when you held them, look for you? There was no sense at all that they knew you are their mother... Sorry, gestational carrier? They're just other humans that happen to be in the same room as you? There was nothing between you at all?

Because if there was actually something there, what makes you think that's any different for a newborn baby born to surrogate mother?

For the baby. Not the woman, who you maintain has no emotional connection whatsoever.

@B0ssAssB1tch did you miss the part where my children are from my eggs right?

For many surrogates they treat and feel like it's transactional, maybe you can direct your questions to those who are surrogates on how they feel. Many are surrogates for multiple couples, clearly not the biggest issue in terms of upset.

Also there are many women who feel nothing towards their babies for months, there was a recent thread on the parenting topic here about it, mother wasn't sure after 6 weeks if she'd ever bond with baby and many posters commenting it took them a few months and didn't get that 'rush' of love upon birth

@VestofAbsurdity I see you struggle with the concept of an analogy, that's a shame.

What about the babies @alphapie? What about their bond with the surrogate mother?

The surrogate being happy and willing to participate in the buying and selling of human beings does not make it morally right.

@Justdontgetit000 and just as she might be upset with this in later life, she also might not be

My ideal was one child, a girl.

I have a son who I love, and a girl in the way which I paid to ensure was a girl.

Being disappointed doesn't alter the love I have for my son. He knows we did sex selection for the IVF, and if he asks more in future I will be honest. As I don't see this as a black and white, the little girl in this case will be traumatised because her dads wanted boys, many children know their parents might have wanted a different sex child, and it hasn't caused them lifelong trauma from it.