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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want toddler naked in garden ?

131 replies

lucie333 · 10/07/2022 14:21

My sons grandmother thinks I'm being unfair to my 2 year old for "forcing " Him to wear swimming costume in the pool?

My reasons behind this are I was Molested by my neighbour from 5-9 years old. I want to protect my son, he does not need to be naked in my opinion but am I being too over protective?

My other issue is I don't want him in the garden when his papa is cutting the grass because he tries to touch it when it's running and I'd much rather him stay in house and then go out when it's all done but his grandmother ignored me and took him out anyways after I said no and I caught her letting him pull on the string that starts the lawnmower! Please tell me your options am I being too over protective?

OP posts:
satelliteheart · 10/07/2022 15:02

My kids rarely go out in the garden naked to avoid sunburn. I'd have no idea how to suncream their willies?! But that's the only reason. At their grandparents house they put their paddling pool under a gazebo and they often go in naked there. I think you're being overprotective there. Just don't let anyone you don't trust in your garden with your naked toddler and keep an eye on them at all times

Lawnmower I'm with you on. My kids are never in the garden when dh is mowing the lawn, it's not worth the risk. They can move so fast and it would only take a second for serious damage to be done

AmbushedByCake · 10/07/2022 15:03

I never let my kids be naked outside, I was worried about sunburn on their genitals - you don't put suncream on bits (surely?) and the skin there is presumably very delicate. Also if the child isn't reliably potty trained I'm not fishing shit out a paddling pool. Gross.

SnowyLamb · 10/07/2022 15:03

Does Papa mean Dad or Grandad? Because if it's his father, it's not MIL who let him. My DC always "helped" grandad with lawnmowing, but it would be under very close supervision, not playing with the machine.

Re the clothing, I'd want him covered just because of the sun.

Sleepyquest · 10/07/2022 15:07

Toddlers seem to love being naked so I'm all for it in our own garden but it's completely your choice and you don't have to do anything his grandmother tells you

ladycarlotta · 10/07/2022 15:07

Lawnmower - yes, keep him away. These things are not for messing with and toddlers have no common sense.

nudity - surely this is fine?! I understand your feelings but he is a little child, and as others have pointed out, abuse doesn't happen because of the clothes a victim was or wasn't wearing; it happens because the perpetrator is an evil streak of piss. Frankly I would let your child enjoy being carefree. Mine sometimes wears a UV suit in the paddling pool but it's so nice for her to be naked when she chooses.

GrouchyKiwi · 10/07/2022 15:07

A loose t-shirt is safer in the sun than being naked, especially for a toddler.

YADNBU re the lawnmower. Small children should be well away.

NFLBingo · 10/07/2022 15:07

We’re overlooked so I’m the same with nudity, you never know what creeps are about especially now when almost everybody has CCTV to some degree. If it was a detached house far away from the eyes of others I’d likely be fine with it if they wanted to be naked, though not in this heat as they’d be burnt in less than half an hour.
As for the lawnmower absolutely with you there too, just because people used to play when adults were mowing and nothing happened doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. My DB and I were playing once and he tripped when my dad was mowing the grass and due to the sheer noise he didn’t hear him fall. He only just saw him in time as he turned his massive petrol mower around the corner, if he’d have been more distracted he would have chopped his hand off.

dawngreen · 10/07/2022 15:08

I agree its reckless of them to allow your son near to a lawnmower. I hate to see children naked running around out side. And yes it can still happen to clothed kids, but why put temptation their way?

Floella22 · 10/07/2022 15:08

A lawnmower is basically small farm machinery and dc should be kept away from them. And pets too. 9000 children a year go to the emergency room in the US with mower related injuries.
Nudity is your choice.

Dancingwithhyenas · 10/07/2022 15:08

up to you, but I think it’s prudish. My kids run about naked in the garden.

inappropriateraspberry · 10/07/2022 15:09

I think papa is grandad. YANBU on the lawnmower. They need to be taught what is safe etc.
On the nudity, it is a little overprotective but completely understand your reasons. It seems there is little trust with the grandparents anyway, and agree that they should respect your wishes, whether they agree or not.
My children are outside with swim stuff on today because it is so hot and I want them protected from the sun. If it was a bit cooler then I'd let them run around naked. We are fairly rural though and not overlooked by neighbours (all bungalows and gardens well fenced).

Aksbdt · 10/07/2022 15:09

I don’t let mine in the garden naked, we’re too over looked and I don’t like the idea of it plus when it’s hot I prefer the sun suits to help protect against sun burn

inappropriateraspberry · 10/07/2022 15:10

dawngreen · 10/07/2022 15:08

I agree its reckless of them to allow your son near to a lawnmower. I hate to see children naked running around out side. And yes it can still happen to clothed kids, but why put temptation their way?

Are you seriously putting the blame on the children and/or their parents? If they get molested it's their fault because they were naked? How ridiculous.

BlackType · 10/07/2022 15:12

Children being naked in a family garden is fine, unless you are overlooked.

The mower is not fine.

Tumbleweed101 · 10/07/2022 15:13

Definitely keep away from an in use mower. Stones etc can flick out if nothing else.

In my experience two year olds love being naked and out of their nappy. Summer is a good time to try potty training for this reason (if they are otherwise ready). I can't see the harm in children that little being in a pool naked, especially if the garden is reasonably private. You aren't unreasonable to be be wary due to your experience but most people without that history would consider it over protective.

howshouldibehave · 10/07/2022 15:14

i would just ignore what they want-you’re the parent. How often do you see them for it to be a massive problem-I don’t think I have ever been around anyone else’s house to visit and they start mowing the lawn?! Just keep your toddler inside if they start, or go home!

TolkiensFallow · 10/07/2022 15:19

I’m with you OP. For 2 reasons;

  1. My toddler wears a swimsuit with sleeves to help reduce burn risk
  2. I don’t trust people I don’t know well. I don’t know if a neighbour is secretly a sex offender, filming or photographing my child.
chiffchaffchiff · 10/07/2022 15:19

I agree on the nudity. I find it so inappropriate but apparently in Mumsnet land expecting a child to have their bits covered when not changing or going to the toilet makes me a prude. Ignoring it being inappropriate for modesty, doesn't anyone worry about sunburn? I'm Irish so maybe it's just my pale skin but if I wasn't wearing T-shirt over my swimming costume I'd burn to a crisp. Even as an adult, I'll wear a bikini in the shade but I put on a rash vest before going in the sea because of sunburn.

chiffchaffchiff · 10/07/2022 15:22

nudity - surely this is fine?! I understand your feelings but he is a little child, and as others have pointed out, abuse doesn't happen because of the clothes a victim was or wasn't wearing; it happens because the perpetrator is an evil streak of piss.

Voyeurism does happen because a victim isn't clothed.

Sarahcoggles · 10/07/2022 15:28

YANBU about the mower.
YABU about the nakedness.

Sarahcoggles · 10/07/2022 15:30

chiffchaffchiff · 10/07/2022 15:22

nudity - surely this is fine?! I understand your feelings but he is a little child, and as others have pointed out, abuse doesn't happen because of the clothes a victim was or wasn't wearing; it happens because the perpetrator is an evil streak of piss.

Voyeurism does happen because a victim isn't clothed.

So do you believe women should cover up to stop being looked at, and if they're looked at then it's their fault for wearing revealing clothes?

BreadmanAndCake · 10/07/2022 15:30

I'm astonished at naked kids IN THEIR OWN GARDENS being labelled as 'chavvy' (which is exceptionally classist within itself). If you can't potter about in the buff in your own garden as a small child then where can you? I type this as my 2 small kids are in the paddling pool in the nude and having a fab time.

carefullycourageous · 10/07/2022 15:30

I agree with you on both, just a pair of swimming bottoms is all they need to wear in the garden.

The lawnmower thing is obvious, kids shouldn't play with any machinery.

balalake · 10/07/2022 15:31

Away from the lawnmower 100%, the nudity normally I would have no issue with, but perhaps an exception if it reminds you of a traumatic event in your childhood.

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 10/07/2022 15:33

Parents choice but I I’ve always covered my children up when outside or when people are around. Mainly because of the sun but also for dignity reason. We’re not prude, when indoors we can do whatever we like in our spaces clothes wise, although underwear or pj shorts etc must be worn in communal areas.