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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I wrote a poem about being an ASD parent.

62 replies

Jilliebean · 10/07/2022 13:35

I posted in creative writing but it got no response.
I've never posted anything like this before and I know it's not exactly Keats.
Maybe you'll feel it though, if like me, your child isn't like the other kids. If you read it, thank you 💐

My kid doesn't get to be like yours.

My kid has to queue and wait in line, yet yours kicks off and gets put in front of mine.
My kid doesn't have me home constantly, some of us need to have real jobs, you see.
My kid's teacher spends ages talking just to you, but my kid just runs into school without a fuss or two.
My kid can't upset younger kids by staying on the little rides.
My kid doesn't get unique activities to play, with their own staff sitting by their side.
My kid didn't get extra praise for learning to write their name.
My kid wasn't made a fuss of, for wearing appropriate clothing for the rain.
My kid eats what they're given, they're not spoilt like yours.
My kid has to go to sleep at 8,
it's your fault yours stays up late,
just tell them 'night and close the doors.
My kid would never hurt another kid, your kid should know their place.
My kid would know better, than to moan or flap,
when other kids are playing in their space.

Your child sounds wonderful, a real credit to you.
My child can't communicate with me, in ways yours is able to do.
I don't know if they're too hot or cold, scared of dogs, or the lollipop man.
Must be wonderful to have a child who explains their feelings, in the way yours can.
Your child wears a coat when walking in the rain through town, it must be great not to worry about the ever impending meltdown.
Your child doesn't have a reason for a sunflower lanyard?
Such a shame I need mine, or you could have used ours.
My child will need a pram, until they're in a wheelchair.
My child will be vulnerable throughout their entire life, they won't even let a barber cut their hair.
Your child goes to bed at 8 and then you don't hear a peep? Without my child's medication, they won't stay in their bed, let alone sleep.
Your child can play with toys alone, they're able to play and pretend?
That is really something. My child may never fall in love or even have a true friend.
My child might never understand a fairytale.
They may not ever sit still for me to read a story until the end.
My child may always attack me, if they're confused by colours, tastes or sound.
If my child gets too anxious, they throw themselves to the ground.
My child may harm themselves out of confusion, sadness or fright.
If my child has harmed yours, it's not through temper, anger or through spite.
Try to have compassion, in my child's world things are scary, things aren't always right.
Your kid may enjoy nurture classes or visiting forest school sites, but be grateful your kid gets by without just fine. Your kid is doing alright.
My kid doesnt get to be like yours,
Nor yours like mine.
And that keeps only one of us up, crying late at night.

OP posts:
Newrunner29 · 10/07/2022 13:39

It's lovely 💗 I am parent to 5 year old non verbal autistic daughter , so can relate 💗

Jilliebean · 10/07/2022 13:40

@Newrunner29 thank you! 💐

OP posts:
HarmALlama · 10/07/2022 13:45

It made me cry, OP Flowers

Mouk · 10/07/2022 13:55

Great poem - I've tears in my eyes.

I have a beautiful 6 year old autistic son.

jeaux90 · 10/07/2022 13:59

Beautifully written Flowers. I can relate.

Jilliebean · 10/07/2022 14:01

Thank you so much for your replies, I really didn't think anyone would read it.

Thank you xx

OP posts:
5128gap · 10/07/2022 14:02

Its excellent OP and very moving. I hope it not only resonates with other parents who understand, but also educates those who don't. I'm in the latter category and I'm so pleased you've shared this. Thank you.

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 10/07/2022 14:08

I really loved your poem, thank you for posting it.

(I'm not a parent)

I didn't really understand some of the first verse, as I didn't understand / know that NT children got to go ahead in queues when they're badly behaved. I also didn't think it was quite fair to say that you have to have a "real job" whereas NT parents don't, some of them do. But I did get what you were saying. And I guess it's not a poem for me, I can't truly understand xxx

I LOVED the second verse though, it was beautiful. You are very talented to write like that xx

nornironlady · 10/07/2022 14:12

This also brought a tear to my eye as a parent to ADHD/ASD son. Others just don't quite get it. I'm going to save this if you don't mind.

wonderpants · 10/07/2022 14:13

I'm a teacher and a parent of a child with ASD. I love it.
Yes I've heard it all in the first stanza (what we call paragraphs or verses in poetry!) from parents of NT children.
I've lived it as a parent!

Jilliebean · 10/07/2022 14:14

Thank you all so so much! Super kind words from everyone which isn't really expected when posting things online.

@Theredfoxfliesatmidnight the first verse I've probably not articulated very well, it's from people saying to me, (I can't return to work, not even school have been able to have him until we start a sen school this year) that they have real jobs and being at home is a luxury.
It seems it, until you realise what it entails in all honesty 🤣🤣
I really thank you for that, I'll work on it when I get the chance, but thank you all so much.
Genuinely such kind words x

OP posts:
Icecreamsodaloda · 10/07/2022 14:17

It's beautiful. And a massive congratulations to having the courage to post it.

NippyWoowoo · 10/07/2022 14:25

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 10/07/2022 14:08

I really loved your poem, thank you for posting it.

(I'm not a parent)

I didn't really understand some of the first verse, as I didn't understand / know that NT children got to go ahead in queues when they're badly behaved. I also didn't think it was quite fair to say that you have to have a "real job" whereas NT parents don't, some of them do. But I did get what you were saying. And I guess it's not a poem for me, I can't truly understand xxx

I LOVED the second verse though, it was beautiful. You are very talented to write like that xx

Ummmm you totally missed the point of the poem. The first verse is comments that parents of NT children make to parents of ND children

TheDuchessOfMN · 10/07/2022 14:40

Well done Flowers

Mychitchatdays · 10/07/2022 15:02

This reply has been deleted

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StillCuriouser · 10/07/2022 15:34

It’s very good poem OP, very well written.

@Mychitchatdays I think you’re the one who needs therapy :-)

Icecreamsodaloda · 10/07/2022 15:35

Ignore the troll, OP, it comes with the territory!

Jilliebean · 10/07/2022 16:13

Thank you so much! It's so so appreciated 💓

OP posts:
Relaxalotl · 10/07/2022 16:56

Thank you for posting OP, it was such a thought provoking read. My DD is 3 and non-verbal. She is just getting to the age of people realising she is 'different'.. too big for a pushchair but can't reliably and safely walk and so gets side eye from people.

LilacPoppy · 10/07/2022 17:05

Can totally relate op

Mychitchatdays · 10/07/2022 18:06

Icecreamsodaloda · 10/07/2022 15:35

Ignore the troll, OP, it comes with the territory!

I wasn't actually being a troll!!! I do think that therapy will help. Comparison will only hurt more. Learning to deal with the grief of what will never be will help.

Jilliebean · 10/07/2022 23:25

I'm not comparing my child to others, it's the experiences I've had. Seems I'm not alone with that either.
Its more about perspective than disappointment in my child.

OP posts:
Incywincyspi · 10/07/2022 23:35

I think it’s really clever and well written. To the poster who suggested therapy to the OP- maybe it’s the smart arse parents of the NT kids who constantly feel neurodiverse kids are “ taking” something from theirs that could do with the therapy… to focus on being more broad minded and less fucking self absorbed

Mychitchatdays · 11/07/2022 00:13

Incywincyspi · 10/07/2022 23:35

I think it’s really clever and well written. To the poster who suggested therapy to the OP- maybe it’s the smart arse parents of the NT kids who constantly feel neurodiverse kids are “ taking” something from theirs that could do with the therapy… to focus on being more broad minded and less fucking self absorbed

Both my DC have autism. Therapy actually helped me because NT parents will never change and it only gets harder as they grow and the gap in their capabilities from their peers gets wider.

Tr1skel1on · 11/07/2022 00:29

Fabulous OP, thank you so much for sharing. My autistic child is nearly 16. It doesn't get any easier, just different.