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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TW pregnancy loss - AIBU to think losing my baby is an 'emergency'

84 replies

annonandon · 10/07/2022 11:38

Found out we were expecting in Feb this year.

Neither DH or I are handy, so booked a local tradesman to decorate the nursery and put up furniture. He is very well reviewed and therefore tends to book up 12-18 months in advance. We have used him before and always happy with his work.

We booked in April after getting an early scan for the job to be completed end of October.

To book we needed to pay a 30% deposit, which was refundable in case of emergency.

Found out last week we had lost the baby and due to medical circumstances surrounding the loss it will be hard for us to get pregnant again.

Told the tradesman last night that we would need to cancel, he sent condolences but said this didn't count as an emergency as he could still decorate, just not for a nursery.

We don't need the room decorated if it's not for a nursery as it's just a normal guest room currently.

He has a very long wait list, so DH asked if he could at least try and rebook something on that date, if he is able to then he can refund the deposit. The tradesman is refusing to do this.

AIBU to think losing the person this room was being decorated for is enough of an emergency to get the deposit back. It's over 3 months from the start of the job, he has a wait list currently of 62 people (they post about it on their FB page)

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 10/07/2022 11:41

I don't really understand the whole 'emergency' part of the cancellation policy. You could ask him to define what he considers an 'emergency'. I'm self-employed in an entirely line of work and would certainly try to book in another client for that day and refund your 30%.

I'm sorry for your loss. Flowers

HangOnToYourself · 10/07/2022 11:44

I'm sorry for your loss, as above I would ask him what exactly constitutes an emergency. I dont know where you stand legally on this one but anyone with an ounce of compassion who could easily rebook the time like you have suggested he can would try this approach instead.

5128gap · 10/07/2022 11:45

Unless the word 'emergency' was defined with examples in a written contract, it's too vague to say. And realistically if he's determined not to refund you, you'd have to go to court, so would that be worth it?
He is however grossly insensitive and unreasonable. If he's so in demand I'm sure he could fill your slot so wouldn't lose income. I'd be adding my comments to his reviews.

Original poster
annonandon · 10/07/2022 11:49

Butchyrestingface · 10/07/2022 11:41

I don't really understand the whole 'emergency' part of the cancellation policy. You could ask him to define what he considers an 'emergency'. I'm self-employed in an entirely line of work and would certainly try to book in another client for that day and refund your 30%.

I'm sorry for your loss. Flowers

Thank you for this, we asked in a 'well what is an emergency then if loss of pregnancy isn't counted' he said it was mainly a sickness policy, so if he was unwell and unable to compete the job in those dates we could cancel if we didn't want to rebook different dates. He also said the house burning down and larger emergencies like that count but are 'less likely' (no shit)

OP posts:
Original poster
annonandon · 10/07/2022 11:50

5128gap · 10/07/2022 11:45

Unless the word 'emergency' was defined with examples in a written contract, it's too vague to say. And realistically if he's determined not to refund you, you'd have to go to court, so would that be worth it?
He is however grossly insensitive and unreasonable. If he's so in demand I'm sure he could fill your slot so wouldn't lose income. I'd be adding my comments to his reviews.

That was my view, there are people added to the wait list every week, he is the only person many round here trust (a lot of elderly people in the area so trust for them is huge!)

I even asked if I could post offering my slot to find someone willing to take it, and then get my deposit back and he said no as it's not enough 'time to prepare the quote and for the job' ffs

OP posts:
SheWoreYellow · 10/07/2022 11:51

Given that he has a waiting list it seems a bit mean of him to not refund the deposit. Irrespective of the reason.

BeautifulSunrise · 10/07/2022 11:52

Gosh, this guy is really lacking in any kind of compassion and empathy. I'd give him one more opportunity to refund your deposit and if he refuses, leave a very honest review on his various sites.

bloodyunicorns · 10/07/2022 11:53

I'm very sorry for your loss.

The painter is lacking in compassion. Surely he could rebook?

I'd leave an honest review for him, everywhere you can.

💐

Emmelina · 10/07/2022 11:54

He can easily get another booking for October if he’s that high in demand, it’s months away! He’s lost nothing.

Clarich007 · 10/07/2022 11:54

I'm so sorry to hear this OP. It must be devastating for you.
I can't believe how insensitive he is being. Surely, if he has 62 customers waiting, he just moves them up the list.
Very unreasonable of him to insist.
I hope you get something sorted soon
💐

bloodyunicorns · 10/07/2022 11:55

And I bet he will rebook. It's 90 days away! He just doesn't want to give you back your deposit. What a shit.

Genericusername1234 · 10/07/2022 11:55

What a horrible man. He can just move his next job up. That’s what any other trades person would do. Tbh, most tradespeople are in demand at the moment but they don’t demand a 30% deposit. That alone is a red flag.
He is being very, very, very unreasonable. Sorry for your loss.

Hoppinggreen · 10/07/2022 11:58

I am very sorry for your loss
While I do agree that your circumstances aren’t strictly speaking an emergency anyone with an ounce of compassion and decency would understand your reasons for cancelling and refund

moose62 · 10/07/2022 11:59

Very sorry for your loss. The man is sadly lacking in empathy or behavinglike a decent human being. Having asked and been rejected I would be tempted to put the story on his Facebook page, just the truth, soother people know who they are dealing with!

HoppingPavlova · 10/07/2022 12:07

Of course he will now be booking in someone in your place for October. And keeping your deposit. Utter cunt. I’d post honest factual reviews on every site related to that line of work.

NoToLandfill · 10/07/2022 12:10

What a shitty guy. I'd post on FB tagging him in saying there is an available slot on X date due to a sad loss.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 10/07/2022 12:11

I'd be tempted to post on his page asking could someone take your place because unfortunately your miscarriage isn't deemed an emergency and you're going to lose your deposit.

I'm so sorry for your loss. This is a shitty thing to do.

Heroicallyl0st · 10/07/2022 12:12

What a wanker. Would it make sense to mention small claims court to him? Especially if “emergency” isn’t defined in the agreement. He’ll never know if you intend to go through with it but might encourage him to do the right thing.

Quia · 10/07/2022 12:13

There is a legal case for arguing that keeping your deposit amounts to imposing an unlawful penalty, as obviously it doesn't reflect any loss he might suffer. At most his loss is a few pounds in changing his arrangements to take the next job to the waiting list. It could be worth sending him a formal letter pointing the out and saying that you will accept the return of the deposit less £10, but if it isn't repaid you will have to begin a county court claim.

Quia · 10/07/2022 12:14

I'd also be posting a very factual review pointing out that he is insisting on making a profit out of your tragedy.

K8Shrop · 10/07/2022 12:16

I'd leave a public review on his social media to be honest. It seems they rely on social media, and with a waitlist that size it'll be seen by quite a lot of people.

This is a disgrace. I fully understand tradesmen need to protect themselves as it's their livelihood. But this "emergency" stuff is bull. If there is a clause in your contract that statues you'd be refunded in an emergency, him deciding this isn't classed as one is absolutely disgusting.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 10/07/2022 12:16

Have a look at money claims online and search for samples if letters before action.

See if sending him one of those changes his mind. Cos he'll get nowhere with a one sided, non defined 'emergency cancellation' policy in court.

Squiff70 · 10/07/2022 12:17

I'm so sorry for your loss.

This decorator has no morals. I'd message or phone him one last time and try to tap into any shred of human decency he has (be polite even though he doesn't deserve it) and if you still have no refund on your deposit, hit him where it hurts by posting honest, factual reviews everywhere you can think of.

As others have said, it's only July. He has LOADS of time to be able to full that slot in October so he'll get paid regardless, even though he wants to keep your deposit on top. The definition of 'emergency' could be argued and disputed until the end of time but ultimately the exact definition shouldn't matter in situations such as yours. A decent person - ANY decent person - would refund your deposit when they know the reason why you've had no choice but to cancel the work.

Other than that, please just take care of yourself. You should be grieving and not worrying about inethical tradespeople. You should not have to be going through all this at probably one of the saddest times in your lives. So sorry.

Original poster
annonandon · 10/07/2022 12:30

Heroicallyl0st · 10/07/2022 12:12

What a wanker. Would it make sense to mention small claims court to him? Especially if “emergency” isn’t defined in the agreement. He’ll never know if you intend to go through with it but might encourage him to do the right thing.

I might ask DH to do this and see if it works, I'm just so over it all and am shocked he is being like this. We have worked with him for years, he has decorated most of our house, tiled our kitchen, done our conservatory floor. If we were first time customers I get the high deposit and being maybe less inclined to be flexible but we aren't

OP posts:
definitelylettuce · 10/07/2022 12:31

Sorry for your loss.

Read this OP:
www.which.co.uk/consumer-rights/advice/can-i-claim-back-a-non-refundable-deposit-aHwOj3S21AWP

There are only certain circumstances where a deposit can be non-refundable, regardless of what is written in the contract.

"Typically, the business has no entitlement to keep any amount that can be saved by finding another customer, or cancelling any other suppliers they’ve employed. That would likely constitute an unfair contract term under the Consumer Rights Act."