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AIBU?

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Original poster

TW pregnancy loss - AIBU to think losing my baby is an 'emergency'

84 replies

annonandon · 10/07/2022 11:38

Found out we were expecting in Feb this year.

Neither DH or I are handy, so booked a local tradesman to decorate the nursery and put up furniture. He is very well reviewed and therefore tends to book up 12-18 months in advance. We have used him before and always happy with his work.

We booked in April after getting an early scan for the job to be completed end of October.

To book we needed to pay a 30% deposit, which was refundable in case of emergency.

Found out last week we had lost the baby and due to medical circumstances surrounding the loss it will be hard for us to get pregnant again.

Told the tradesman last night that we would need to cancel, he sent condolences but said this didn't count as an emergency as he could still decorate, just not for a nursery.

We don't need the room decorated if it's not for a nursery as it's just a normal guest room currently.

He has a very long wait list, so DH asked if he could at least try and rebook something on that date, if he is able to then he can refund the deposit. The tradesman is refusing to do this.

AIBU to think losing the person this room was being decorated for is enough of an emergency to get the deposit back. It's over 3 months from the start of the job, he has a wait list currently of 62 people (they post about it on their FB page)

OP posts:
SausagePourHomme · 10/07/2022 15:30

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I think small claims court, followed by social media when you inevitably win. I don't know what on earth he's thinking. He's incurred absolutely no expense or loss and doesn't have a leg to stand on.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 10/07/2022 15:36

If he has that much of a waiting list then he'll easily book someone else in. What a tosser, I'd do whatever I could to get my money back then leave reviews everywhere I could

Sorry for your loss

girlmom21 · 10/07/2022 15:37

I'm really sorry for your loss OP.

Id understand his point if you were booked in for him to decorate next week and he didn't have time to get materials for another job but he sounds like he's just being a dick.

He'll definitely book another job for that day, especially as he only took a 30% deposit!

Id mention small claims too - just to put the wind up him for being a twat.

Original poster
annonandon · 10/07/2022 16:54

ClocksGoingBackwards · 10/07/2022 14:23

I don’t think he’s doing anything wrong. You’re cancelling him so you lose the deposit, there’s nothing outrageous about that.

Why should he have to put in more time and effort finding someone to fill the slot and then doing all the extra that comes along with that? He’s right, you could still have him decorate for you, so it’s not an emergency for him, even if it is devastating for you.

Thankfully others have posted links showing that actually they do have to look for alternative arrangements.

OP posts:
howdoesatoastermaketoast · 10/07/2022 17:08

threaten small claims court and the local newspaper - he'd lose in a new york second. 3 months notice with a waiting list of 62 he's suffers absolutely no financial hit from you cancelling.

Absolutely fuming on your behalf. I honestly think he'll cave at the threat but small claims court isn't a big stress it's just you sitting down telling a magistrate what happened and why you think x should give you money and how much you think he should give you and why. Whilst magistrate goes - he said what!!!???!!

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 10/07/2022 17:14

thefamilyupstairs · 10/07/2022 13:35

Really sorry for your loss OP, but from a consumer POV he is in the right. Every customer could have severe sickness or death in their family and the tradesman would be out of pocket for doing the"moral" thing.

not in the uk - he can keep ONLY the proportion of the deposit which he CANNOT recoup through reasonable adjustments.

With 62 people on his waiting list and 3 months notice he clearly suffers absolutely no wasted costs on labour (people hired who have nowhere to work ) or materials (items purchased that cannot be used anywhere). His response is not at all in line with UK consumer rights.

CoastalWave · 10/07/2022 17:20

Morally he's being a dick. I"m sorry for your loss.

How much is 30%? Can't imagine it's that much to have a nursery painted and furniture built? A day's work? So what, 30% of £150/£200?

It's actually not his problem, but I don't understand why he's sticking to his guns on this one. I would be worried about the backlash on social media if I were him!

Original poster
annonandon · 10/07/2022 17:23

CoastalWave · 10/07/2022 17:20

Morally he's being a dick. I"m sorry for your loss.

How much is 30%? Can't imagine it's that much to have a nursery painted and furniture built? A day's work? So what, 30% of £150/£200?

It's actually not his problem, but I don't understand why he's sticking to his guns on this one. I would be worried about the backlash on social media if I were him!

I take it you haven't had work done at home in the last 5 years!

The job itself is costing £850 total, deposit was around £250. And that was a lot less than some of the quotes I've had through for it

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 10/07/2022 17:32

BeautifulSunrise · 10/07/2022 11:52

Gosh, this guy is really lacking in any kind of compassion and empathy. I'd give him one more opportunity to refund your deposit and if he refuses, leave a very honest review on his various sites.

This is what I'd suggest.

He has a waiting list.

He could fill it.

If he is t willing to then those waiting need to know what sort of person they are waiting for.

I can see why he won't refund the deposit if he couldn't get another job (business wise not empathy wise)

I'm very sorry you've been through this too.

girlmom21 · 10/07/2022 17:33

The job itself is costing £850 total, deposit was around £250.
So it's not just a standard painting and decorating job? Has he bought any materials?

Original poster
annonandon · 10/07/2022 17:39

girlmom21 · 10/07/2022 17:33

The job itself is costing £850 total, deposit was around £250.
So it's not just a standard painting and decorating job? Has he bought any materials?

Of course it's a normal decorating job, who can paint an entire room with time to dry in one day? Day rates are high atm.

Plus putting up the furniture.

No he hasn't paid for any materials as that's the labour costs. We supply materials.

This is pretty standard, most of the 5 quotes I got were either around the same or more for the same work (one was over a grand!)

OP posts:
chilledbubble · 10/07/2022 17:41

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 10/07/2022 12:11

I'd be tempted to post on his page asking could someone take your place because unfortunately your miscarriage isn't deemed an emergency and you're going to lose your deposit.

I'm so sorry for your loss. This is a shitty thing to do.

I would do this. I most certainly wouldn't be wanting him to paint my house.

QueSyrahSyrah · 10/07/2022 17:42

Fully agree he's being enormously insensitive and completely devoid of the compassion you'd hope anyone would show, but ultimately I think he has a right to stick to the terms and conditions that you agreed to at the time.

He's been employed to decorate a room, and could still do that albeit it you no longer want him to, for valid personal reasons, but not because of an emergency.

I'm sorry for your loss OP.

girlmom21 · 10/07/2022 17:53

@annonandon I don't know where you live but £850 absolutely isn't a standard cost for decorating a room.

Unless the room is massive if the walls are decent he'd easily paint it in a day.

ShirleyPhallus · 10/07/2022 18:02

girlmom21 · 10/07/2022 17:53

@annonandon I don't know where you live but £850 absolutely isn't a standard cost for decorating a room.

Unless the room is massive if the walls are decent he'd easily paint it in a day.

Completely normal for my area. We had a painter / decorator do some work last year and I was shocked at how expensive all the quotes were

DangerouslyBored · 10/07/2022 18:05

girlmom21 · 10/07/2022 17:53

@annonandon I don't know where you live but £850 absolutely isn't a standard cost for decorating a room.

Unless the room is massive if the walls are decent he'd easily paint it in a day.

Why is this relevant?

OP, so sorry for your devastating loss. The guy is an absolute bell end and I’m so glad you have got so much good advice from those who actually know what they are talking about. Obviously just ignore those who have posted just to tell you he’s in the right 🙄 those people get off on being naysayers, it gives their sad little minds a momentary thrill.

girlmom21 · 10/07/2022 18:07

@DangerouslyBored the quote you posted independently isn't relevant - but prior to that I asked OP if he'd possibly already ordered materials etc and she's being short with people who are making completely reasonable comments or suggestions

Original poster
annonandon · 10/07/2022 18:13

girlmom21 · 10/07/2022 18:07

@DangerouslyBored the quote you posted independently isn't relevant - but prior to that I asked OP if he'd possibly already ordered materials etc and she's being short with people who are making completely reasonable comments or suggestions

It's not a perfectly reasonable suggestion or question, as otherwise it would be in the post if he had purchased materials.

As that would be a whole different kettle of fish, but I have seen your posting style on here before and know you aren't not to bother engaging with so will leave this here.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 10/07/2022 18:14

If you've used him for years and want to sour that relationship with reviews then you go for it. You probably should be ready for an online onslaught from loyal customers though.

If he has any sense, he will remove that part of the contract or be very clear what it means.

Good luck with your campaign to get your money back and sorry for your loss.

ChampagneLassie · 10/07/2022 18:18

BeautifulSunrise · 10/07/2022 11:52

Gosh, this guy is really lacking in any kind of compassion and empathy. I'd give him one more opportunity to refund your deposit and if he refuses, leave a very honest review on his various sites.

This I'd be all over his FB saying how disappointed you are. What a cretin.

Icecreamandapplepie · 10/07/2022 18:20

Despicable.

Loads of reviews everywhere

Sorry for your loss

Cherrysherbet · 10/07/2022 18:22

I’m so sorry for your loss op.
What a nasty piece of work he is. If he doesn’t refund, I would name and shame him.
He’s being very unreasonable.

Original poster
annonandon · 10/07/2022 19:31

gamerchick · 10/07/2022 18:14

If you've used him for years and want to sour that relationship with reviews then you go for it. You probably should be ready for an online onslaught from loyal customers though.

If he has any sense, he will remove that part of the contract or be very clear what it means.

Good luck with your campaign to get your money back and sorry for your loss.

Thank you, DH is going to email him later with the information other posters have provided around unfair cancellation terms and his refusal to look for other work breaching those rules, and being firmer re small claims if he continues to refuse the refund. If he rejects that then we will be filling FB with bad reviews and proceeding with the claim

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 10/07/2022 20:28

@annonandon I did specifically ask you that question but you're defensive - and I understand why - but you were fine with me before and now you're being shirty because I made a suggestion you don't agree with.

That's nothing to do with my 'posting style'. Very strange.

I don't think you should post anything on Facebook without getting legal advice.

shrugitoffonemoretime · 10/07/2022 20:37

Gosh it's a lot of money but I understand good tradesman are in short supply these days - I would guess his day rate is around £300? Which isnt unreasonable in the current market. So one day to prep - fine filling holes, sanding, caulking and so on. Then day 2 to do first coat and probably the second and then day 3 for glosswork and maybe the furniture

Buts that's by the by I do think he's being totally heartless - if he publicly advertises his wait list then he should have no issue filling the October slot and you'd have thought since you've used him a lot before that he would overlook the Deposit this time

Personally I'd be inclined to post on his page about how you stand to lose your deposit as you've been told by him it's not an emergency and would anyway take over the slot - pretty sure the bad publicity and furore it would garner would be enough to make him change his mind?