To struggle with a friends extreme anti abortion views

[bagpuss90]

I accept that we all have to agree to disagree on some stuff. But I am struggling with a friends extreme anti abortion views . She thinks even if a woman is raped- she shouldn’t be allowed an abortion. She’s quite opinionated anyway . I can see us falling out soon. I’ve told her I no longer wish to discuss it but she still airs her views. The thing that really gets me (and okay we have probably all done things we regret) is that she’s had two abortions herself including a late one . I don’t want to break off our friendship but I’m struggling

I think abortion is a very personal subject so it's not one I really discuss with people. If they hold different views from me, I trust my friends to have good reason. But I wouldn't even want to discuss it more than once so to keep having it brought up would annoy me.
I guess what I'm saying is that I wouldn't stop being friends because we had a difference of opinion but I would if they kept doing things that I found annoying and which I'd repeatedly asked them not to do.

Leaving the subject of abortion to one side for a minute -

"I’ve told her I no longer wish to discuss it but she still airs her views."

So she is overriding your wishes because her airing her views is more important. She does not regard you as her friend, she regards you as her AUDIENCE. An audience that she is trying to convert and bring into the fold of the faithful.

I'd run fast and far from this woman, ASAP.

Ok I’m going to go against the grain and say I would stay her friend, if the friendship was good and she had other qualities. One of my most fulfilling friendships is with somebody who is diametrically opposed to one of my core beliefs. I’m getting a bit tired of people who believe it is their right to only be surrounded in life by people who agree with their opinions. Not only is it narrow minded and intolerant but it deepened the chasm between people and severs any attempt to find common ground.

It is EVERYONE's right to be surrounded by people who share their opinions. And you will find most religious fundamentalists, racists, and pro-gun nuts like to hang out with other fundamentalists, racists and gun nuts. I don't see why it is so bad tp say that I don't want to make or remain friends with people like these.

I had a friend who I later discovered was anti-Muslim. I dropped her. She had several good qualities, but I decided to be "intolerant" of this particular quality.

But that is their right, they don't 'believe' it, it's a basic fact, you can choose who you surround yourself with.

That's a right anyone has, I don't speak to anyone who voted for Brexit, I won't travel to states where they've banned abortion, I refuse to shop or pay for goods with any businesses who financially supported, publicly supported or whose owners financially supported vote leave, I wouldn't really be friends with a Tory either.

That's my right to do that, pretty simple concept to grasp

Ultimately, if you believe that an unborn baby is part of a woman's body, then it logically follows that the woman must have an absolute right to choose what to do with it. If you believe that the unborn baby is an independent life, then it logically follows that no one has the right to end that life. There is no middle ground here, hence it is such an emotive topic. Ultimately, you have different opinions about abortion, because you have different opinions about what a foetus is, because you have different opinions about what the meaning of life is.

But unless this topic of conversation has any significance to your current lives, have you thought of just not talking about it with her? Friendships don't have to be based on having the same opinions about things; they just need to be willing to respect each other's views.

I agree with this. I have friends who voted Brexit and friends who didn't. I'm not going to cut off half my friends. I have friends who vote for different political parties but they're all lovely people with kind hearts. They just have different ideas of how best the country can be run. And, honestly, as we've aged, people change ideas according to their experiences. Most people are not so bull-headed that they can't see nuances in things. If you don't mix with people who think different things, you're just living in an echo chamber. And views become ever more extremist.

But in this instance, the op has asked thus woman to stop keep talking about it but the woman carries on. That would be like my friends just talking football 🥱 everytime we went out. If I asked them to consider my feelings and stop it, but instead they carried on, I'd question just how much they valued my friendship.

But unless this topic of conversation has any significance to your current lives, have you thought of just not talking about it with her? Friendships don't have to be based on having the same opinions about things; they just need to be willing to respect each other's views.

The op said, I’ve told her I no longer wish to discuss it but she still airs her views. I don’t want to break off our friendship but I’m struggling.

To be fair the op doesn't want to stop being friends, she just wants to stop having the subject of abortion being constantly rehashed. The fact the woman ignores her request makes her feel disrespected.

Personally I wouldn’t be able to continue the friendship OP.

I’m fine with diversity of opinion. But I think there are views that are different to my own but entirely worthy of respect (for example voting for a different political party) and then there are views that simply aren’t worthy of respect in a civilised society.

Her views fall into the latter category for me.

I'd ditch her and I'd tell her why. I don't associate with those who want to take away the rights of other people. Or tell them what to do.

I cant bring myself to keep reminding her of her abortions

She's preoccupied with the topic because she deeply regrets the abortions. It's very sad, perhaps ask her if she might need to to talk about it with a trained counsellor. It would be annoying if there wasn't this back story.

You are a true friend to her. If you can bear with her perhaps she will in the future thank you for being there through her craziness.

I could handle "hypocrisy" or changing minds ok : people should be allowed to change their views & hypocrisy is rife, anyway. Forcing pregnancy and birth on other women is worse than hypocrisy. The actually intolerable bit is demanding that she keep telling you her views when you asked her not to (& you disagree so much). That (lack of respect) is what I couldn't take any more.