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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Let a two and a half year old wander off in a shopping centre ??

103 replies

goforawander · 10/07/2022 08:14

I saw my aunt and uncle the other day who said if there was one thing they learnt from having children, is to let them roam freer. They said I needed to let my two and a half year old walk off alone at the shopping centre...

Apparently she would find her way back to us. We were sitting in a coffee shop and she kept wanting to walk off. They said I should let her and she'd definitely come back.

I know they wouldn't have meant it in a horrible way at all, but I literally cannot take my eyes off her in public and the thought of letting her out of my sight terrifies me.

Aibu to think this is absolutely insane to let a two and a half year old walk around alone ?

OP posts:
Suedomin · 10/07/2022 09:40

If they really meant you should let her wander off out of sight you should remind them about what happened to Jamie Bulgar.

C152 · 10/07/2022 09:41

KangarooKenny · 10/07/2022 08:37

A toddler being allowed to wander off in a shopping centre ? Have they heard of James Bulger ? Absolutely do not let them wander.

This!

cottagegardenflower · 10/07/2022 09:43

Insane. I was of that generation and not allowed to wander off in the way they describe

Bogofftosomewherehot · 10/07/2022 09:43

Idiots. Don't leave your kids with them whatever you do.

Freddiefan · 10/07/2022 09:47

My husband spotted a little girl walking to the exit in Asda. He wouldn't go near but I went and got hold of her hand to stop her going into the car park. We were almost at Customer Services when the mother came and snatched her away from me without speaking.
Another time he spotted a little girl crying. I asked her if I could pick her up so that she could spot her mummy. She agreed and I walked along the tills so she could look down the aisles. Her mum spotted her and came running and I did get a thank you that time.

superplumb · 10/07/2022 09:53

Wtf no. Noway in hell would I do this. Chances are they would be fine if it goes wrong the results are catastrophic. Are they mad?

Livebythecoast · 10/07/2022 09:54

That's absolutely crazy. I can't believe they were being serious - she's not a homing pigeon fgs!. As others have said - that poor Jamie Bulger - his Mum only got distracted for seconds paying for something - still makes me shudder thinking about it.

roarfeckingroarr · 10/07/2022 09:55

Jamie Bulger.

Never.

Blueberryella · 10/07/2022 09:58

The father who managed to film the shooter in the shopping centre in Copenhagen last week only did it because he had too look for his 2-year old who had suddenly walked off. Everyone else fled but all he could think of was to find his daughter, and filmed the killer because he was sure he’d be shot but wanted evidence for the police. My adult child was there too. I know it is no way to think or live, but sadly things happen.

Blueberryella · 10/07/2022 09:59

*had to obviously, not too 🙄

kimfox · 10/07/2022 09:59

At best you are asking for some kind of tannoy announcement t regarding a "lost child". Back in the 70s and 80s I recall this being quite frequent at you know, the village fete or whatever. Nowadays no-one is going to allow their 2 year old to wander off, for obvious reasons. Especially not in a massive shopping centre. They are living in the past.

StrawberrySquash · 10/07/2022 10:01

Definitely not. Not because they are likely to be snatched. That is possible, but unlikely. Because they don't have a good enough homing instinct, they could wander out on to a road, they are quite likely to go into a shop and trash things / hurt themselves, they will get lost and scared. Plus they will pretty quickly be picked up by a responsible adult and returned to you via shopping centre security. Shopping centers are not places designed for toddlers to roam. That's soft play and centers.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 10/07/2022 10:03

I think your Aunt and Uncle need their bumps feeling.
Poor little James Bulger's mummy only let go of his hand for a few seconds and that was it!

MiddleParking · 10/07/2022 10:04

The odd time I’ve let mine wander off for thirty seconds by accident when I’ve been distracted, I’ve nearly had a heart attack (and she isn’t even speedy so she never gets far). The thought of doing it on purpose is absolutely insane to me.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 10/07/2022 10:04

They are wrong, 2.5 is too young. I imagine it is so long since their children were tiny, they have forgotten what age they can actually do stuff.

However I will say that children like my DS, who always had a parent keeping him in sight, are slower to wise up and look out for themselves than children whose parents have numerous other children and can't be running after each one. If I were starting again I would be less quick to hover. Except in a busy shopping centre with a 2 year old obviously!

Bootothegoose · 10/07/2022 10:06

Two words. Fuck. No.

James Bulger is all I have to say. If they actually did this they don’t deserve children.

Irridescantshimmmer · 10/07/2022 10:13

Too many wierdos and missfits around, this is not a risk worth taking.

dworky · 10/07/2022 10:15

I agree that children need more freedom than allowed at present but, in a shopping centre, definitely not.

Incywincyspi · 10/07/2022 10:25

At that age they just have such an innocent trust in anyone older than them and will assume everyone will be kind and therefore would likely go anywhere an adult tells them to. These people are fucking insane and make me so angry. Is this meant to be “gentle parenting” or something?

zingally · 10/07/2022 10:35

Absolutely, whole world of NO.

I consider myself a fairly chilled out parent, but I'd never do this. If I had a 2.5 year old who was prone to trying to wander off... that's what reins were invented for!

CourtneeLuv · 10/07/2022 10:36

goforawander · 10/07/2022 08:14

I saw my aunt and uncle the other day who said if there was one thing they learnt from having children, is to let them roam freer. They said I needed to let my two and a half year old walk off alone at the shopping centre...

Apparently she would find her way back to us. We were sitting in a coffee shop and she kept wanting to walk off. They said I should let her and she'd definitely come back.

I know they wouldn't have meant it in a horrible way at all, but I literally cannot take my eyes off her in public and the thought of letting her out of my sight terrifies me.

Aibu to think this is absolutely insane to let a two and a half year old walk around alone ?

I would assume that meant very nearby, ie a table over, where you can see them.

Anything else and they are being dangerous, let alone ridiculous.

Ginandcrispsarebliss · 10/07/2022 10:36

No way. Always makes me feel incredibly sad thinking of James Bulger. He wandered off for a second. When I watched the documentary. I remembered his mum saying, she was just paying for her goods and let go of his hand briefly to pay. She panicked and went outside the shop and instead of turning right she turned left. If she turned right, then she may of caught up with Jamie. Always makes me sad, thinking about what the family went through. I have done this before, paying for my shopping and had to let go of my DC hand to pay when they were little. My DC's are older now.

Davyjones · 10/07/2022 10:37

goforawander · 10/07/2022 08:14

I saw my aunt and uncle the other day who said if there was one thing they learnt from having children, is to let them roam freer. They said I needed to let my two and a half year old walk off alone at the shopping centre...

Apparently she would find her way back to us. We were sitting in a coffee shop and she kept wanting to walk off. They said I should let her and she'd definitely come back.

I know they wouldn't have meant it in a horrible way at all, but I literally cannot take my eyes off her in public and the thought of letting her out of my sight terrifies me.

Aibu to think this is absolutely insane to let a two and a half year old walk around alone ?

Crazy people
thank goodness they’ve said this so you know never to leave children with them

Spohn · 10/07/2022 10:39

They are obviously making sure that you never ask them to mind your kid 😄

LiptonLemon · 10/07/2022 10:46

This drives me mad. I don’t speak to my mother much at all, but I went to bnm with her once and asked if I could leave my just-turned 3 year old with her a sec while I nipped back to a previous aisle. Came back two minutes later and she was stood in the same aisle browsing, I asked where DD was and she looked round, mildly surprised, then shrugged and said she must have wandered off.

I eventually found her outside in the garden section, thank god, after frantically running and searching for a good 15 minutes while she just stood there looking at cleaning products. We’re no longer on speaking terms😠