Am in the wrong with my boyfriend?

[horseyhorseyy]

Been together 2 years but lately I'm honestly fed up.
We go away in September and both needed passport renewals.
I did mine three weeks ago and he said he was going to renew his on Monday next week.
We were meant to get his photos done on Thursday but he said he couldn't be bothered (even tho we walked past the shop ) so we said Sunday we will do it.
Now he is saying he will do it next week (even tho he is at work all week)

Today it's red hot here and we are at home watching tv because he can't be bothered to go out.
I said tomorrow has got to be lovely,shall we go to the beach (it's a 5 min drive )
He didn't rely -he said we need to save money.
I said it's literally the beach -or even go for a walk.
He said we will see tomorrow -caused a massive argument because I suggested going out in the sun.

He is meant to take medication daily-he forgets then complains he isn't well.
So I have to mother him
I'm drained
Have I done anything wrong?

I suspect the brittle asthma is secondary to his chronic idleitis. His can't be arsed attitude will continue for as long as you pick up the slack.

Well it’s taken you two years but heck, better late than never. Time to wake up and smell the 💐there’s a whole wide world out there. Enjoy it.

@Expectalot
I've been waiting nearly 10 weeks for a passport. Apparently because of a huge backlog built up March-May they introduced a new automated system and most new applications are being done on that and whizzing through. One of the FB groups has someone who applied 1st July and already has his. Those of us in the backlog have just been left to rot in a pile requiring manual processing.

Not really point of thread but OP if your boyfriend applies for a passport he's likely to get it quickly now. But if dump him instead. He sounds infuriating.

Dump him and go on holiday with someone you will actually have fun with!

It may well just be because this is a thread on the Internet about a particular issue you're having with him but... It sounds a bit like you might be wanting to do everything with him rather than you both having lives of your own and coming together for the things you both want to do and the down time of the day.

If you want to go to the beach could you organize to go by yourself or with a friend? Him wanting more time in the house and you not doesn't have to be a problem in a relationship.

Having said that I think there are a couple of red flags in the lack of effort around housework and the procrastination over plans you have to do things together (the holiday). These have the potential for his decisions to cost you and he doesn't seem at all concerned about that. I would stop mothering him, don't nag him about his medication but also don't give him that much sympathy if he gets sick because he hasn't taken it. Don't prompt him about his passport but if it doesn't turn up in time, go on the holiday without him and enjoy it but dump him when you get back.

On the housework front, I'm not sure what to suggest because so many women have this problem with men - many of whom are neat as a pin when they live on their own - and it rarely seems to be a battle they win. It seems to be one of the most deeply embedded aspects of sexism in our society - when there are women around men stop bothering with the support work. Housework, life admin, etc. they just leave it. It seems to be incredibly common and fairly intractable. I had heard of a woman who put post it's on all the shit her partner left lying around saying "Fuck you, Mary. You do it." to point out what her partner was doing and he got the message. No idea if it's true or not. After seeing this shit played out again and again with so many partners and friends for nearly 40 years, I think the only effective route is leaving if you can't easily find a balance that doesn't require you being the household manager constantly prodding him and that's fair (which should be 50/50 unless he's taking some big burden off you).

We were meant to get his photos done on Thursday but he said he couldn't be bothered (even tho we walked past the shop ) so we said Sunday we will do it

What’s with the “we”? Why do you need to be involved with him getting his picture taken?

My DH is a homebody, and I often end up doing things without him. He has a dodgy ankle and doesn't cope well in the heat. It's not ideal, I'd prefer to do things with him but I certainly don't force him or stay in.

He sounds really boring and lazy. Is there any particular reason why you have to continue be in a relationship with him?

Hope you haven’t booked the holiday as some are taking a while, more than 10wks.

Sounds like you could be incompatible. Some people just like being at home, aren’t depressed but just prefer to stay at home when not working etc. Other people prefer to be out enjoying life, socialising with others etc. In all honestly it sounds like you are incompatible and I’d call it at a day

If he’s depressed that’s a problem for him to sort, doesn’t seem to be desperately trying to stand on his own two feet and function on a basic level, does he? Leaving his dirty plates for you to clean because he knows you’re a mug.

Having you embarrassing yourself running round after him just so you can have a boyfriend. Tragic 😄. Do better, have standards.

Go to beach, take photo on phone, fill in form on Monday - done.

Ditch the man child.

Yeah wait until you have three kids, a full time job a manchild and no support- in fact he creates more work for you. The resentment will be off the scale.

however, give him a chance, talk to him and tell him in bullet points what your problem is

1. lazy
2. acts like a child
3. expects you to do everything for him
4. boring and not motivated to change
5. selfish

Tell him you will end up leaving him unless he takes you seriously. Tell him you love him but unlessyou see actual change you can’t continue the relationship. He might wake up, he might not. At least you will have said it