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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am in the wrong with my boyfriend?

89 replies

horseyhorseyy · 09/07/2022 15:04

Been together 2 years but lately I'm honestly fed up.
We go away in September and both needed passport renewals.
I did mine three weeks ago and he said he was going to renew his on Monday next week.
We were meant to get his photos done on Thursday but he said he couldn't be bothered (even tho we walked past the shop ) so we said Sunday we will do it.
Now he is saying he will do it next week (even tho he is at work all week)

Today it's red hot here and we are at home watching tv because he can't be bothered to go out.
I said tomorrow has got to be lovely,shall we go to the beach (it's a 5 min drive )
He didn't rely -he said we need to save money.
I said it's literally the beach -or even go for a walk.
He said we will see tomorrow -caused a massive argument because I suggested going out in the sun.

He is meant to take medication daily-he forgets then complains he isn't well.
So I have to mother him
I'm drained
Have I done anything wrong?

OP posts:
Expectalot · 09/07/2022 16:57

You applied for a passport 3 weeks ago & it's been printed?? I applied for one 3 months ago, straightforward renewal & I've heard nothing 🤔

2catsandhappy · 09/07/2022 16:59

Mothering a man is the un sexiest thing ever. Just stop looking after him. He will either step up or go without. And stop doing his jobs too!
I hope you are reading this while out and about.

ManateeFair · 09/07/2022 17:00

Bloody hell. Is he 13 years old or something?

There’s an episode of Sex & The City where Miranda says she can’t stand living with her partner any more because she constantly has to remind him to do really basic stuff and then it looks like she’s ‘Mean Mommy’ for nagging. But if she didn’t tell him, she’d have to deal with his fuck-ups all the time and do all the work.

You and your boyfriend are not compatible. There is nothing less attractive than a man who makes you be Mean Mommy and then moans about it.

ManateeFair · 09/07/2022 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

No. Depressed people are not often arseholes at all. They might be difficult to live with for other reasons, but they are not arseholes when depressed unless they were also arseholes when perfectly well. People really need to stop equating shitty behaviour with mental illness.

This man doesn’t sound in the slightest bit depressed to me. He just sounds lazy.

Covidagainandagain · 09/07/2022 17:09

Do you want a lifetime without fun, adventure and spontaneity, being left with all of the housework, bring treated with no respect, less than an equal, to nurse him in premature old age as without taking him asthma meds regularly he is much more likely to get copd.

Do you want to feel like a nagging drudge who does all the the thinking and doing with no thanks or appreciation. If you have kids do you want to take on 100% of the burden of them whilst he sits around with his feet up.

The only thing you are doing wrong is staying with someone who takes no steps to help himself without you reminding him then calls you a nag.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 09/07/2022 17:09

OP, there will be hundreds of women shouting at you to dump him and you know why? Because you need to dump him!

He sounds like a real drain on you. In your position I’d not mention the passport, I’d go by myself to the beach tomorrow and then hope he doesn’t get his passport sorted in time. You can then go off on holiday by yourself and have a lovely time.

Meanwhile, dump boring man-child and enjoy life.

It really is that simple if you don’t have kids (and I’m assuming don’t own a place together).

AdoraBell · 09/07/2022 17:11

Think about living like this when you are 60/70/80.

If you don’t want spend every day mothering him then do something to change it. Either stop doing things like reminders for his medication, how about birthdays/Christmas cards for him mum, do you have to do those? Leave him to remember or deal with the consequences, or just leave him.

user1471462428 · 09/07/2022 17:13

God he sounds like a boring fucker. He sounds ready for retirement not a holiday

Branleuse · 09/07/2022 17:14

If this was me. Id leave it. Wait and see if he does it.
I expect the chances are, he wont do it and youll be doing the holiday alone, but if that was the case id dump him.
Id use this as a test, seeing how hes acting like a prick about it

Overrride3Action · 09/07/2022 17:18

Everything is wrong with your boyfriend

Find a new one

CactusBlossom · 09/07/2022 17:20

He doesn't sounds much fun to be with. I can't imagine going on holiday with him is going to be at all enjoyable. Although it's distinctly possible he may be depressed, he is pushing you into a choice: mother him, or leave. Make sure you know where the door is, because I reckon you are going to need to use it.

WITL · 09/07/2022 17:21

Theoneinthemiddle · 09/07/2022 15:07

Just go to the beach tomorrow and don’t argue.

If he forgets his medication and gets sick, sympathise then go do something else.
Just don’t mother him. He is an adult!

This - get out now and book a bloody nice holiday on your own

I got up early and did 4 loads of washing - all lined dried and cleaned the sink and made the beds etc and then got my nails done. One child has done all his jobs and his homework and is playing in the paddling pool the other sulked around indoors and hadn’t done theirs and will have to do them Tomorrow whilst we go to the beach 🏝

FarmGirl78 · 09/07/2022 17:22

@horseyhorseyy It would appear my boyfriend is cheating on me with you!

No, actually, thats a daft idea, he'd never get round to it! 🤣

Original poster
horseyhorseyy · 09/07/2022 17:33

@Expectalot I did the digital check and send at the post office ...it took around 15 days

OP posts:
Original poster
horseyhorseyy · 09/07/2022 17:33

Maybe he is depressed
I don't even know
He's happy in the house doing nothing
I'm not
I like to be out having fun etc

OP posts:
LilyMarshall · 09/07/2022 17:36

He is a lazy sexist wanker who thinks you're his mother. He could also be depressed. He could also have adhd or anything else. But that doesnt stop him being a lazy sexist wanker who is making your life miserable.

why are you choosing to live a miserable life?!

LilyMarshall · 09/07/2022 17:38

horseyhorseyy · 09/07/2022 17:33

Maybe he is depressed
I don't even know
He's happy in the house doing nothing
I'm not
I like to be out having fun etc

He’s happy in the house doing nothing. I’m not. I like to be out having fun

ignore every single other way he is ruining your life, this alone is enough. Just this.

you are not compatible.

you will make sacrifice after sacrifice until you are a hollow shell of yourself.

Ourlady · 09/07/2022 17:39

Well that right there is an insight on how your long awaited holiday will be. He won’t want to do anything when you’re there. What’s the point of him…really?
He seems to bring nothing to your life. This is how it will be forever if you choose to stay and put up with being his mother.

WITL · 09/07/2022 17:41

LilyMarshall · 09/07/2022 17:36

He is a lazy sexist wanker who thinks you're his mother. He could also be depressed. He could also have adhd or anything else. But that doesnt stop him being a lazy sexist wanker who is making your life miserable.

why are you choosing to live a miserable life?!

Lily said it better than me - I hope you haven’t had children with the sod

unicornsarereal72 · 09/07/2022 17:42

I've spent most of my adult life depressed. Cripplingly when ex left but I got on with it. You let it consume you or you don't. I worked did what I had to with the kids and slept. Then pushed myself to get them out for a few hours here and there. And took meds because I wanted to be better. And built on it day after day. There wasn't an alternative option.

The little jobs he leaves you are what I called fuck you moment. He leaves them because he doesn't give a fuck about you. You will do it. Once you notice this it really gets you down. Starts with not making the bed. Or opening the curtain. Mess in the sink from toothpaste. Spilt tea. And then the day goes on.

You deserve so much more. Please don't settle

SaggyBlinders · 09/07/2022 17:42

horseyhorseyy · 09/07/2022 17:33

Maybe he is depressed
I don't even know
He's happy in the house doing nothing
I'm not
I like to be out having fun etc

You probably didn't notice it before because of the haze of lockdowns etc. He sounds incompatible with your idea of having fun at best, and like a lazy man child at worse. Get out the relationship and the house and have fun, life is too short!

badhappening · 09/07/2022 17:43

Trying to push water up a hill would be easier.

People like this will keep pulling you down and down.

Break it off and save yourself a whole load of stress.

He'll have to try and find a new mummy.

billy1966 · 09/07/2022 17:47

OP,

You need to find out why your standardsare so low.

You are setting yourself up for a really miserable future, even worse if you are silly enough to have children with a moron.

He hasn't any respect for himself and he certainly doesn't for you, but then you don't have any respect for yourself either.

You are house skivvy and he is controlling you by deliberately not taking medication.

I read posts like yours on here and I wonder wtf?

Why would you bother your arse with such a waste of space.

Women who end up married to good men for 30 years would run a mild from the idiot you are with.

Nothing as unsexy as a man who's useless.

Have a good hard look at what you are settling for because when shit gets really you are going to bitterly regret settling for a twat.

LoudingVoice · 09/07/2022 17:50

horseyhorseyy · 09/07/2022 17:33

Maybe he is depressed
I don't even know
He's happy in the house doing nothing
I'm not
I like to be out having fun etc

In that case you’re just fundamentally unsuited, you’ve given it two years and now it’s really becoming clear.

Why make allowances for the rest of your life and miss out on everything you want to do?

billy1966 · 09/07/2022 17:51

@unicornsarereal72

"The little jobs he leaves you are what I called fuck you moment. He leaves them because he doesn't give a fuck about you. You will do it. Once you notice this it really gets you down. Starts with not making the bed. Or opening the curtain. Mess in the sink from toothpaste. Spilt tea. And then the day goes on."

Great post.

Well put. Fxxk you moments.

That is exactly what they are.