Would you stop seeing somebody if they kept doing this?

[Chicagotown]

At first he was the one arranging dates and meet ups. Now it feels like it’s always me. It just feels exhausting.

When I ask him the answer is always the same ‘if I finish work early enough I’ll come over to yours’ or ‘I have some work to get on with this weekend but if I get done in time I’ll see you’.

It just feels so much hard work. He was once making lots of effort but now he ‘has’ me he does not unless it benefits him.

Men like this are always lousy fucks.

So true.

I think he thinks I sit around and wait for him.

That is what you’re currently doing, by the sounds of it. I’d end it personally. But if you don’t want to end it, start being less available. It might make him value you and your time more. Or he’ll leave for an easier booty call. But either way you’ll have your answer.

Don't let people use you for sex if it makes you unhappy

You need the book The Rules! Seriously though, if he doesn't make plans by a couple of days before, you have plans (even if you don't.) That way he learns you aren't sitting around waiting in case he deigns to see you. If he wants to see you he needs to make plans with you in advance. If he still doesn't bother he's not interested

Just get on with your life.

If you don't want to bin him say 'well I can't be waiting around all evening for a maybe so if you're not sure then I'll make other plans'

He's a fuckboy. Give him the elbow !

Three choices;

• carry on as you are
• kick him to the curb
• be less available. Make other plans when he won’t commit and see how he responds.

this option for me (and easiest one to implement. Sorry it’s not working for me, I want someone who is more available!)

Absolutely no way would I see him again after that OP. Have more self respect; you're being used for sex. He's not going to admit it is he! Dump him.

I think he thinks I sit around and wait for him.

But you do though.

I think you should prioritise yourself. Get out there, see friends, do stuff... not just for the sake of showing him you're not always available but so that you can enjoy your life. Otherwise you are wasting so much time.

Your a booty call

hes calling all the shots
just get rid of him and find someone who really wants to be with you

You need to tell him clearly that you are not enjoying all this hanging on waiting to see him after work. You are not his wife of 40 years you are a new partner. Tell him you would prefer proper pre arranged dates to go and do something, and if he is too busy working to fit you into his life then things are not going to work out. If he gets defensive or grumpy with you then you have your answer he doesn't care enough.

So he sees you as nothing more than a booty call right?

No way would I put up with that.
I'd be making plans of my own - you're not sure? Don't bother I'm going out for a drink/dinner/lunch/shopping/whatever with friend(s)/family/former or current colleague.

But it's too close to hom playing mind games with you for me. Actually I'd stop contacting him or suggesting we meet and wait to see what he does.
If/when he finally makes plans I'd dump him - this is not the type of relationship I want so I don't want to see you again.

Delete and block, he's horrible'

Yeah just end it.

mine message saying “this isn’t working for me any more so it’s time to call it a day. Best wishes to you”. Then delete his number.

Run...

I’d just message him and say “Hi - hope you’re having a good weekend. Work has been piling up and I’m supposed to be going to an offsite/conference that’s been in the diary for a long while. Hopefully it’s fun too.. Need to get my head down before though. Let’s catch week of 25th when everything’s less manic!!”

And then don’t be available. He’s used you big time. But I wouldn’t show it to him!! You be the one to withdraw and leave him dangling.

Does he have a key to your place? If so I'd suggest changing the locks. Does he ever just drop by without waiting for you to confirm your in? If so I'd suggest you stop answering the door for a bit to be certain he hasn't caught you unawares. And if it were me I'd break it off from this moment, consider myself single and get in with my life but i wouldn't even bother telling him, I'd just stop being available whenever he got in touch. Chances are he'd just move in to his next fwb, but on the off chance he enquired about the relationship status I'd let him know it ended a while back.

Ghost.Him

The End.

It doesn't sound great does it. Cut your losses op. He's not that into you

I’d imagine he is still dating and is waiting for better offers then using you as a back up. If he’s coming round late he’s waiting to see if his drinks with another woman progress and when they don’t turning up at yours.
you’ve already brought up that you want him to put in more effort, and he hasn’t taken that onboard.
you can do better

If you want to make this work, I'd be less available. Pick a couple of nights that suit you and tell hi m those are the days that you're free. Even on those days get on with life, eat dinner at normal time, do what you'd normally do. If he calls at 9+45 and it's too late, tell him sorry I'm almost ready for bed.
It'll either make him step up or you'll see him to little cutting it off won't hurt as much.

A friend of mine has a job that is genuinely intense and unpredictable. It doesn’t stop her making plans and committing to them, although if they were flexible, she’d shift them. His attitude is all wrong though. I agree that you should cease to be available.

Stop sitting around waiting for him to decide if he can be bothered or not. Start saying you need a yes or no as you’re going to make other plans if he’s not free. At the moment you’re at his beck and call

OP.
Don’t be someone’s option. Be their priority.

Yes. I would.

I wouldn't hang around on the offchance someone might come fuck me if it turned out they felt like it.