To think the novelty of us having a baby has worn off?

[Dilemmaemmaaa]

My mum said she was desperate to babysit when my baby was born. The first few months she would take him for a few hours. I started up my own business during maternity leave but I’m going back to the office part time when he’s 1. She has agreed to watch him when I’m at work but seems to think that will be a novelty because I’m ‘at’ work. I’m still working (on my own business) at home but just have to do it with a baby round my ankles. I feel like I’m getting to spend no quality time with him because everything is taking so long that I’m working pretty much all day while he’s there. The in-laws don’t offer to help at all so can’t ask them.

Now he’s 9 months my mum will ‘pop in’ regularly but that’s of no use when you just desperately want someone to give you an hour or two of childcare. She’s away for lunch, getting her nails done etc and has no concept of what its like. I get that it’s not her responsibility but I just feel like everyone’s kind of forgot that I’m dealing with all of this 🤦🏼‍♀️ I almost resent other mums when we go to classes and I’m sprinting out the door while they’re away for a leisurely coffee after. My friend is on mat leave and keeps saying how hard it is (it is) and she has her mum at her house 2 full days a week. It doesn’t help that my husband constantly says ‘I’d love to be at home with him all day!’ if I say anything about it being hard going. Just feel like I’m trying to do so much and no one cares enough to even offer to help 😩

You need to organise child care. It really isn’t your mothers responsibility.

I think you need to pay for some childcare. Find a child minder he can go to so you can get on with your business. Your mum has been a mum, so she does know what it's like! You can't really expect her to provide childcare whenever you need it.

This is why 99% of parents use paid childcare I’m afraid.

*working parents

It does sound like your mum's changed her tune which must be frustrating, but unfortunately no one owes you childcare, even family. She's a mother herself, so I'm sure she actually does know what it's like, but she's entitled to spend her time as she sees fit - even on lunch and nails. You sound judgey about how she spends her time tbh.

If your mum's gone lukewarm on the idea of babysitting, it is possible your attitude has coloured her enthusiasm?

Cant you put the baby in nursery? It's nice if grandparents can help but it isnt their responsibility really.

Pay for childcare 🤷‍♀️

How come you think your mum has 'no idea what it's like'. I'm assuming she brought you up?

So has your mum offered childcare or not? Have you asked her to have him on a regular basis now?

I think the PP is correct. If you need to work, you need to arrange childcare. You can't look after a 9 month old adequately while you are working and conversely you can't do a decent days work while you are having to look after a baby. What were your plans before you became pregnant?

You're asking too much of you mum. Pay for professional childcare.

Your attitude is baffling. Why would you expect your mum to be offering you endless free childcare?

What do you do with the baby when you go to classes?

It wasn’t your mum’s idea to be working nearly full time while having a baby. Did you start the business with her agreement to be your only childcare?

Stop resenting people and make suitable plans. It’s impossible to do a good job for either your work or your baby while trying to do both at the same time. You must know that.

Gosh imagine how us single working mums with no family support cope 🙄🙄

that's why nurseries exist..

Yes, I know just how hard it is OP. DH and I have never had any regular grandparental support whatsoever. You’re incredibly lucky that your mum did so much for you in your baby’s first year. She doesn’t owe you anything so why are your expectations so high? It comes across as entitled, which she may possibly be picking up on and therefore less likely to want to help you.

Why won’t you pay for childcare like everyone else has to? Why can’t you time manage to allow yourself a coffee after baby group? You’re the adult, the parent, now. You need to stop waiting for your mum to sort your life out for you, and get on with doing it yourself.

I suspect your mum has some idea how hard it is having done it herself. Why shouldn’t she get her nails done?! Having worked from home when covid meant there was no childcare I would advise against trying to do that. If you are working then you really need proper childcare.

You can't work with a baby at home. You need to pay for child care like the rest of us. Your baby, your responsibility

Why can't you get a paid childcare?

It sounds like she has helped out a fair bit generally. We don't have any family support as my husband's parents are dead and mine are three hours away 🤷‍♀️ Most of my friends with kids (and us) are using paid childcare to enable them to work. That's pretty standard.

Maybe your dm sees you coping amazingly and it hasn't occurred to her to offer more help?

YABU

you need to pay for childcare.

I think you have bitten off more than you can chew.
Building a business, going back to work and a soon to be toddler?
Either you need to pay for childcare or pack business/ work in - a toddler and pt work would be enough for anyone!

I think your mum is generous, she has offered some childcare even if it is just an hour here or there.

Get paid childcare.

Even when there are the best of intentions, relying on family can be problematic- there are always the things that 'pop up'. Holidays, visitors, medical appointment etc.

Get proper childcare and let your mum do the extra bits, where you get to enjoy yourself

Exactly the mother knows exactly what it’s like. But this is the ops child and her responsibility. If she wishes to work she needs to organise paid child care like most of the rest of us.