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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that if you invite children out then you should make allowances for them?

71 replies

ARatherAwkwardOuting · 07/07/2022 19:25

I went out today with two friends. One, Sophie, has a 2 year old son and a 10 month old daughter and Emma and I don't have any children yet. Sophie said that she couldn't make it as she had no childcare but Emma said it was fine to bring them.

Emma then spent most of the time making it evident that she wasn't thrilled that the kids were there. They were a bit whingy but they're very young and too warm I think. Emma didn't help by wanting to continue shopping when Sophie said that the kids were hungry and could they go to lunch soon as the snacks weren't enough.

Eventually she grudgingly agreed and chose a cafe that's tiny and definitely not child friendly. Sophie asked if they could go instead to one just a little further away and though Emma wasn't pleased she agreed. She then wanted to linger for ages in the cafe when the kids were getting very restless again in spite of our attempts to entertain them. Sophie ended up leaving early as the sighing and tutting was making it clear that Emma wasn't happy with the kids being there.

The question is, who was unreasonable if anyone? I'm neither party btw but I felt very awkward today when caught in the middle.

OP posts:
Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 07/07/2022 19:28

Sophie shouldn't have brought her son, even though Emma said it was fine Sophie should know it's not fine. It would be one thing if you are planning the park but shopping and coffee, won't work with a 2 year old.

scissorsandsellotape · 07/07/2022 19:30

Sophie was prob keen to see her friends but also aware that it wasn't ideal for nap times etc (which is why she declined)
Maybe someone could baby sit and you could go out of an evening For a drink or dinner

Changethenamey · 07/07/2022 19:31

I think that’s typical of someone who doesn’t have children! She probably didn’t realise quite how difficult they can be (especially shopping, lunch, those are activities that were definitely time limited when mine were younger).

next time either make the activity more child friendly (ie at home, or a walk somewhere with park stop off) or perhaps meet in the evening for dinner. If you’re feeling bad for your friend Sophie why not make an effort to see her again at her house, I’m sure she’d love to see you. It can be very isolating having young children.

DowntonCrabby · 07/07/2022 19:31

Emma has a passive aggressive stick up her arse.

Magicandspiders · 07/07/2022 19:43

Emma is a dick.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 07/07/2022 19:44

DowntonCrabby · 07/07/2022 19:31

Emma has a passive aggressive stick up her arse.

Yup this

EmeraldShamrock1 · 07/07/2022 19:45

Emma was out of order IMO.

It's nice to make allowances occasionally for friends in a difficult situation.

MegaClutterSlut · 07/07/2022 19:47

Emma is a dickhead

Fairyliz · 07/07/2022 19:47

I think Emma felt pressured to say they could come. You can’t actually say to a mum no I don’t want to see your children even if it’s true.

AffIt · 07/07/2022 19:48

I (presumably like Emma) don't particularly like children, but Emma needs to learn how to use her words.

If people say 'I can't get childcare on this occasion', the correct response is 'oh well, so sorry, next time', then everybody wins.

Lalosalamanca · 07/07/2022 19:51

Emma's the friend that no mother wants

Whitewolf2 · 07/07/2022 20:07

Poor Sophie! That’s not how you treat a friend, Emma was being a total bitch.

TolkiensFallow · 07/07/2022 20:07

Emma is the person who won’t stay friends with Sophie for very long.

Emma could have said “ok see you next time” or “seeing you is more important than shopping, let’s for to the park with the kids and a picnic” but instead she made Sophie feel crap.

Original poster
ARatherAwkwardOuting · 07/07/2022 20:08

Emma doesn't normally have any issue saying no but perhaps she felt pressured this time.

I do think that she dislikes children. She was huffing and tutting too when Sophie wanted to go into a baby store and also the kids section of a larger store. I can appreciate too that cranky babies and toddlers aren't anyone's favourite thing and they aren't exactly mine either but I used to work in childcare so I'm used to it and she didn't exactly help the situation by not making allowances for them.

I don't think we'll be doing it quite like that again. It was very awkward for everyone.

OP posts:
Goldfishjones · 07/07/2022 20:23

Well Emma is a bitch and the friendship won't last. But Sophie was out of her mind thinking that a day out in shops and cafes was ever Gona work with a 2yo and a baby!
Poor Sophie, go and see her at home soon and make it up to her.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 07/07/2022 20:29

Emma was the unreasonable one. Sophie offered not to come and presumably only did as Emma told her to. It sounds like Emma has no idea about what children are like and didn't realise how them being there would change things.

Merryoldgoat · 07/07/2022 20:34

Both of them but mostly Emma.

I wouldn’t take children shopping as a leisure activity so can’t understand why Sophie would as I can’t imagine any of them enjoyed it.

Emma is utterly douchey for not accommodating them when she said they should come.

Dishwashersaurous · 07/07/2022 20:52

Both were in the wrong.

Emma for tutting and being difficult once the children were there. But if she doesn't spend much time with children she might not know the reality.

Sophie for thinking that it would be OK to do a shopping day out with her toddler.

whumpthereitis · 07/07/2022 21:16

It seems like Emma had a clear idea as to what type of day she envisioned, and catering to children didn’t feature. I don’t blame her for not enjoying it and not wanting to deal with it, but the passive aggression was pointless. She should have just said no to begin with. Sophie should have declined, or left when she realised it wasn’t working with children in tow.

Mally100 · 07/07/2022 21:20

Emma was unkind but I think this is on Sophie. What on earth was she thinking. She has direct experience of her children and should have known better. I think she was very silly to drag her kids around when she was the only one bringing children.

thatslow · 07/07/2022 21:26

Emma needs to remember that one day Sophie’s children will be grown up and she might have little ones of her own one day that she might need support with.

Emma just hasn’t got a clue.

thatslow · 07/07/2022 21:27

Also, Sophie probably knew taking kids wasn’t a great idea but it might have been her only chance for adult company.

SpotlessMind88 · 07/07/2022 21:41

Emma sounds like a bitch. She said it was ok to bring the kids and then huffed and puffed about it. If i was Sophie i wouldn't be seeing Emma again

Avacadoandtoast · 07/07/2022 21:45

Emma is a tw*t.

I don’t know why Sophie is getting a hard time from some folks above, why can kids not be taken round shops and to a café - that’s crazy!

WishILivedInThrushGreen · 07/07/2022 21:58

Emma was being very ungracious.

When you're a young person, at some point one of your friends will start a family.

A true friend would realise this.
Eventually, most of your friends will have children.

I hope that you and Sophie will extend graciousness when Emma has children.

But maybe you and Sophie might bin her off.