Frustrated by mother's hearing loss

[frust]

Can anyone relate to this?

My mum's hearing is so bad and she won't do anything about it. She's early 60s.

She basically cannot understand unless she lip reads. There have been situations where I really needed to get her attention in a dangerous situation and she just doesn't hear. I have told her to get help so many times, but she just does not.

Can anyone relate ? I know we can't make anyone do something they don't want to do, but it's affecting our relationship a lot. I don't even bother saying stuff to her in certain situations because I know she won't understand. Other people have noticed and you can't really carry a normal conversation with her. I have to repeat things a lot and shout them out, it's tiring.

Is it normal for her hearing to be this bad ? I am quite worried about her. She just won't get checked out.

There is so much ignorance around hearing loss. Such horrible posts lacking empathy and understanding here. I feel sorry for your deaf relatives and colleagues.

Hearing aids do not always help. The sounds that come through are not like what you would usually hear. These can be uncomfortable to use as all sounds are amplified - it can hurt or make you feel dizzy. The ear moulds can also be an issue - cue itchy, sticky and damp ears prone to infections.

Also shouting distorts your mouth making it harder to lipread.

I would look at RNID's website for tips on handling hearing loss.

You can't "correct" hearing loss with hearing aids. You can only alleviate whatever loss has occurred by amplifying the range of sound that remains. They do not work like glasses.

But not all hearing loss is the same and in certain circumstances hearing aids are useless. Would you tell someone who is going blind they just need to find better glasses?

While it's true there are many different kinds of hearing loss it would be wrong to denounce hearing aids as useless unless you try.
I asked my gp to refer me to audiology and 3 months later I had my hearing aids. This was only last year.
I figured I would try NHS ones first and progress to buying some later. I had assumed wrongly that NHS hearing aids would be like NHS glasses. So far I have been perfectly happy with them.
Also not all hearing aids have a volume control.

I have hearing loss that can't be helped by hearing aids.
My husband is also beginning to experience some loss. He's in denial about this despite having a test that told him he'd benefit from hearing sids.

Despite us being together for nearly 20 years he continues to talk to me without getting my attention, mumble and get annoyed when I mishear him. I find his lack of accomodation for my hearing loss very annoying.
I am secretly quite enjoying the tables being turned. He is beginning to understand what it's like.
After a lifetime of coping methods myself, one of my close friends is very deaf and really can't hear much at all without aids. - it can be as simple as making sure that the person you're speaking to knows you're talking to them and then talking clearly but usually at normal volume.

Honestly this thread has made me a bit cross. Hearing aids are no different to glasses, attitudes like a lot of the ones displayed on this thread don’t help.
i wear 2 hearing aids, am only 30 and I have done since I was aged 4. Deafness is isolating and infuriating for everyone involved. Especially when it can be solved by wearing hearing aids.
i will have absolutely no patience with my parents if they act like idiots about getting them.
plus as already been mentioned, there is a huge link between that and cognitive decline/dementia in older people. It’s utter stupidity not to get it sorted.

NHS hearing aids are digital too! They have been for many, many years. You may find that you can get some with Bluetooth and access to an app. Definitely worth a try.

Yes, it is the mothers choice, but have you honestly tried to converse with anyone who has hearing loss? I have, and believe me, it is exhausting-for both parties. I have an elderly aunt who sometimes wears her hearing aids and then other days decides not to, I don’t understand why because when she’s wearing them she can join in the conversation perfectly and is much happier.
OP, perhaps you could persuade your Mum to go to Specsavers audiology shop and have a look at the aids, they are so much smaller these days.

When it comes to sharing info on the technology, beware.

My mother has a number of hearing aids. She says none of them work. Every time a smaller one comes out she wants cash to buy it and then, days later, it goes into the drawer with the others.

She only wears her glasses because she paints.

We have said no more. She has told extended family that we prefer her deaf because we don't like her.

No mum. We went very low contact decades ago, because you and dad take and take and take and take.

This is just another way to punish us. I have no doubt she wears them when it is important to her - like when she went to A+E. I'm supposed to believe aids keep their charge for years!🤷‍♀️

Hearing aids are not useless and there’s so much amazing new technology they have. No, they don’t magically make you hear and noisy situations can be awful. There’s so much stigma, especially with older folks, around them. I personally hate all the discreet ads as I see nothing to be ashamed of having worn them for almost 35 years. The link between not wearing them and dementia is very strong. Currently sporting some fabulous NHS Phonaks and I stream the radio while working. It’s lovely to be able to hear, and it’s also lovely to take them out and to switch off. That said, deafness can be very, very isolating. Hope things improve for you and your mum.

The usefulness of hearing aids it largely dependent on the type and severity of your hearing loss. Hearing aids is not the same as wearing glasses. It doesn't replace natural hearing. Also, you may not be able hear fully with hearing aids. It is very much dependent on background noise etc. Hearing aids can causes a lot of fatigue and your will needs to have a break even it is to breath. There is a lot of stigma and shame associated with hearing loss whereas glasses are normalised.

There's some really good responses here. Many that chime with my experiences.

As another poster mentioned, there is so much shame around not hearing others. It's the only disability people still openly joke about ("What are you deaf?!" "She's so bloody deaf!") Or feel okay getting openly frustrated when they have to repeat themselves - as if your disability is just an inconvenience to them and not a loss you are living with every day.

Only yesterday, I was in a shop and the woman on the till asked me something and I said "I'm sorry I'm quite deaf, can you repeat that?" She rolled her eyes at me and repeated it like I was lacking in comprehension skills. It made me think back to this thread.

I get it's frustrating. It's frustrating for both parties. My wonderful partner even gets frustrated with having to repeat himself sometimes - and he grew up with a proudly deaf sibling! But feeling connected is essential for survival and we do that through meaningful communication and, if that connection is with someone who is living with hearing loss, well, that's going to take a bit of effort from all involved.

I also want to recommend Riz Ahmed's film Sound of Metal. It's the best depiction I've seen on what it feels like to live with dramatic hearing loss.

Profoundly deaf! Tsk little keyboard!

Nothing like a bit of empathy for your colleague is there? What a shame shes spoiling the banter in the office

My father has hearing loss and refuses to wear his hearing aids so spends his entire time missing conversations and shouting when he speaks. He doesn't hear sirens or horns when driving so ends up being slow to react on the road. Often he ends up coming across as rude to people who don't know him which is a shame. My hearing seems to be going the same way and I'm determined to give hearing aids a go so I don't end up the same.

@Sugarplumfairy65 I agree - many of the responses here are disgusting. Where is the empathy? Willingness to learn and understand? So much victim blaming - after all HEARING AIDS do not work like glasses!

I am sure that if the colleague or relative has sight loss that can't be corrected by glasses, they would get loads more empathy and understanding.

No wonder people with hearing loss often end up isolated.

Lots of people saying hearing aids might not work, but the point is the mother hasn't even tried.

That's her choice, isn't it? Would you also complain if somebody refused to wear a prosthetic limb? Try telling a Deaf person (like my SIL) they're living wrong or should try harder because that's what comments like this read like. The point is, its up to her about whether she wants to try hearing aids. They are not some hearing panacea. I'm grateful for mine BUT, as others have pointed out, they are uncomfortable and have severe limitations. They are not glasses as is repeatedly said here but is, ironically, not being heard...

? It is completely ridiculous to refuse to wear a hearing aid IF they help. The OP's mother refuses to even seek help. Also, hearing loss is a contributing factor to dementia.

It is tiring having to shout all the time. You say it doesn't help you but for some people it's the only way - they just say everyone is mumbling, when they are not.

Hi 3cts, sorry didn't see your message before.

I decided against in-ear not only for the reason you mention but also I would be worried about losing one/them. Mine are over-ear but very comfortable and I have no problem with glasses etc.

You do have 60-days to decide if they are for you.(you don't get you Boots points until then) but I was very happy with them. I only take them out now for sport as I don't need them and for re-charging.

Also. I opted for their interest free option. Spreads the cost as mine were £2200.

Oh give over.
Hearing aids work, might take time to find one that you like, but they work.

And it IS like refusing to wear glasses. In fact it is like refusing to see an optician to see if you need glasses. It is also like saying "I can't see to drive anymore" and refusing to drive and demanding lifts everywhere, when actually all she needed to do was wear glasses.

Or an even sillier example, if I said, I can't work anymore because I can't see the small print on the screen. And refused to wear glasses and/or get a bigger screen.

Sorting out hearing is no different, and making everyone else's life more difficult because you won't look into simple adjustments is just a pain in the proverbial. A hearing aid might not help, but it doesn't mean you don't try. And there are different options, they are not all the same.

It is definitely the case that people tend to deny hearing loss much more than they deny vision loss, and then it's everyone else's fault for isolating them. It's not a lack of empathy, it's the fact that people have lived with people who've denied they are losing their hearing for years, if not decades! My grandmother used to moan about everyone mumbling and refused to wear a hearing aid until she was about 100!

So then the person with the hearing impairment can just not be expected to be included in conversations then, If they don’t try to participate.

And I am very hearing impaired btw

She was physically present but emotionally absent at get togethers because she couldn't follow conversation yet insisted she was fine.

Thanks @longlostwaistline this is my mum too. She denies there is a problem but is becoming increasingly isolated and has stopped showing an interest in music, tv and people. It’s massively frustrating as she often doesn’t hear questions and we have to repeat ourselves at increasing volume and I often just don’t bother telling her things now as it’s so frustrating, but what worries me most us that her mum had dementia and dm is already starting to get quite vague. I know it’s her choice but she seems increasingly unhappy but won’t address it.