To ask what the secret to a happy marriage is?

[DrierThanANunsNasty]

Seen some really depressing threads about divorce recently and wanted something a bit more… hopeful

So AIBU to ask:
What’s your secret to a happy marriage?

Been with DH 10 years and we laugh together (a lot) and never go to bed/leave the house on an argument.

I don’t know what the secret is but I got it right second time.

i love spending time with him. I’d choose him again. We don’t fall out, we laugh together. We have the same hopes for later life. We have enough in common that we can do lots of fun things together. We’re different enough I think he’s interesting.

Their isn’t a secret. If it works it works well and if it doesn’t then don’t flog a dead horse.

Both having and treating each other with respect. Being a team and working together. Picking the slack when one can’t but that working both ways
and marry your best friend

Comprehension. You need to understand what and why the other is saying, doing, feeling what they are.

I think mutual respect is really important. It's so easy to take each other for granted and start being irritable and snappy with each other. Respect and communication are key.

Unhappy first marriage, happy second marriage.

Don't marry a wanker, mummy's boy narcissistic arse with a drug problem. I think that might be a bit specific.

Be friends. Not just teammates raising kids and running a household. You should be married to your favourite person.

Having similar attitudes and values to some key areas in life e.g. finances, leisure time, housework, parenting, family.

Communication is essential.
Mutual respect and shared goals.
Hot sex (for us)
Shared values.
Honesty and humour

I have a very happy marriage. Mine is good because we like each other and respect each other above all.

Then:

We love each other; share values, share loads of interests and laugh a LOT.

We have our own freedoms and allow each other to be who we are.

We can disagree without arguing.

Are both ‘talkers’

Aka fuck boy! The worst.

Very happy marriage, but I think going to bed/leaving the house on an argument is fine! Somethings are so petty, that sleeping on it/having a bit of breathing space, rather than have having a massive conversation till the early hours is sometimes better.

I think trust is the key issue. We both trust each other completely, and we both share finances, mental load, childcare, etc., so we never argue over that.

Compromise and you need to 'get' the person you are married to and they need to 'get' you.

Basically this. I also got it right the second time.

We just muddle along amiably. Contentment will do, with bursts of happy. 22 years.

20yrs here. Respect. Talking to each other and listening. Working as a team. Recognising that small gestures are way more important than grand ones. Sex and intimacy - having similar drive for that helps. Both come from parents with long happy marriages. Those role models have been valuable. Similar political views. In our case an introvert and an ambivert - no clashes.

Humour, communication, trust and accepting each other, flaws and all (not wanting to change the other person).

Focusing on the positives and not the negatives. Facing problems as a team. Emotional and physical intimacy. Similar morals, values and outlook on life.

I'm lucky to have my DH :)

He's my friend. My partner in daft things as well as important parenting things.
He's also the only person who has my back 100% no matter what happens.
I've never had that before. Its mutual.
He's also sarcastic and funny and makes me laugh no matter how angry I get with him!
I think I'll keep him.

Being able to talk and laugh together. How many couples do you see in the pub/ restaurant who dont talk to each other

And trust and good sex and things in common! that too!

Being best friends. I know so many people who married for convenience and talk about their partners like a used car, listing nice qualities that suit you. But to marry your best friend… we have been with each other through thick and thin and he’s my first choice of person to hang out with and vice versa. He makes me laugh until I have tear pouring down my face and even in the deepest depths of a huge fight I know that he loves me so much. I have never doubted how much he loves me.

14 years married, my husband and I just get each other. We don't fight that much if we do it's over something super stupid.

One thing that I think helps us is that we do have activities that we do separately but both support each other in. I play in an orchestra and music is the one part of my life where he isn't. He comes to the concerts etc but that's it. His is doing designs for T-shirt's/ businesses etc where I have no clue with how he does it.

Respect. Pretty much every other feeling can ebb and flow in over the course of a lifetime partnership, but if respect goes then it's game over.

Shared values, common goals and genuinely enjoying each other's company are also really important. Shared attitudes towards parenting if there are children involved.

I'm very similar to DH and I think that helps. We both have married parents, 2 children families, our parents worked in similar industries and we both have dad's that passed down a love of rock music.
We grew up over 100 miles away from eachother but I think the similarities in our background meant that we had the same ideas on marriage, finances and how to raise our children. We rarely argue and if we do it's over untidiness 🙄
We have a lot of common interests as well.

I think there’s a certain amount of luck involved in growing into people who still like each other. We believe that being kind is key, we try make home a soft place to fall. We appreciate each other. We prioritise our relationship. 21 years married 24 years together, we’re really happy.