To ask what the secret to a happy marriage is?

[DrierThanANunsNasty]

Seen some really depressing threads about divorce recently and wanted something a bit more… hopeful

So AIBU to ask:
What’s your secret to a happy marriage?

Been with DH 10 years and we laugh together (a lot) and never go to bed/leave the house on an argument.

Mutual respect. Similar values and aims in my life. He's a great Dad to out 2 young children (I'd like the thinks I'm a great mum too lol.) He's hardworking...a provider mindset. Small, regular gestures of kindness. Sense of humour. Someone who has got your back. Decent, non toxic person.

Before marriage keep both eyes wide open; after keep them half shut.

If something is an issue before marriage it’s only going to get much worse after marriage.

Compromise. You always can’t get your own way. This isn’t easy sometimes.

Realize 50/50 is rarely 50/50 at the same. Lots of times you’re giving 90 and getting 10 back, but the same thing is happening to your husband/wife too.

Depending on the person and circumstance, “Once a cheater always a cheater” isn’t ALWAYS true. Sometimes you just have to take a chance - albeit not sticking your head in the sand and always being prepared so you have options if it does truly happen again. You can forgive but you don’t have to forget.

Definitely mutual respect.

Oh , and marry someone that knows how to make a good cup of tea.

I think being best friends is very important. Love is not enough, you have to have friendship too.

I would rather spend time with DH than anyone else. We still chat to each other all the time and laugh a lot too.

We have the same values and morals and both know we can trust the other totally.

We have been married 42 years and are still very much in love

Forgot to say 25 years together, 22 years married.

The secret to a good marriage is marrying the right person.

We were together nine years before we even got engaged. Then married the following year. So tried to make as absolutely sure as I could (without leaving it late) that he was right before committing. We also lived together for several years first.
Had very little help with childcare over the years, basically we were left to it so had to learn to work as a team. His parents are also still together, as were mine, so statistically favourable.
All sounds very rigid and practical but married 22 years now and more than happy.

I guess the key thing is to marry the right person in the first place! Then the luck comes in to when you grow and evolve, that you evolve in a similar direction.

I don't agree with the cliched "never go to bed / leave the house on an argument" though - a lot of people need a bit of space and / or time to think things through, or consider things from another viewpoint, or work out how you can move forward.

I think it helps if you have some things you like to do together - though isn't essential I suppose, it is nice.
You need to be able to agree to differ without turning everything into a drama or ultimatum.
I think it is important to have core values in common, and be able to agree to differ on things that don't really massively affect the other.

Really helps if you respect one another, trust one another, and if you can still laugh together.

The ability to apologise and recognise when each one is in the wrong.
And compromise.

I wouldn't say our marriage is perfect but to be honest, what is a perfect marriage?

Marry someone who makes you laugh. DH drives me potty but can still make me laugh - been together 32 years and married for 31. Oh and being honest with each other - does sometimes require frank conversation.

Making time together and listening to what each other has to say. We may not agree on everything but we try and listen to the others point of view.

We like and respect, as well as love, each other. We like doing things together, but also have separate interests. We value the same things. We've been through a lot of sadness in these first few years of our marriage, but it has brought us closer together and made our marriage stronger.

I couldn't imagine spending this much time with anyone else and wouldn't want to 🙂

Don't go to bed angry.

Do compromise and don’t settle. Don’t depend on the other to make you happy (but don’t tolerate being made unhappy). Trust, respect, and honesty are essential. Shared values, humour, tastes and goals help make the path smoother. When the path isn’t smooth, work together or at least communicate to get through it. 30 years nearly and still going strong.

A cleaner, weekly at least.
That's my recommendation after 35 years of marriage.

The secret is to want to hug him more than you want to stab him, if the balance shifts it's over 😂

Don't be afraid to have no holds barred, straight talking honest conversations about how the relationship is going, concerns, areas to work on. Whilst having a laugh. Really helps clear the air

Imo the only real secret to a happy marriage is marrying the right person in the first place!

Communication, compromise, respect, team work, being friends, great sex and allowing each other freedom to live their own life

Respect, consideration and kindness. And similar values on eg money, work, moral issues

Secret to a happy marriage. Easy. Learn to be bored together.

sounds weird but if you can’t cope with the quiet times then you will never be content with what you already have.

These days is all about the next life moment.
Meet a boy - exciting
Get to know boy - exciting
Get engaged - exciting
Make plans to get married - exciting
Plan for a home - exciting
Get married and new home - exciting
plan for a child - exciting
Have child - exciting
Move house - exciting
Have another child - exciting

This is where it breaks down…….you get the wife who fill the gaps with new house after new house or throw themselves into their kids. But essentially they are trying desperately to keep the churn of excitement.

Slow down, enjoy each other’s company and learn that chasing life goals isn’t the be all and end all. Being able to laugh and love each other is as important as any house, child or new car/holiday

Trust eachother , if you can't trust the person your spending your life with it will never be a happy realtionship, also if u need some space take some space

Making sure that the person you marry is not an abusive cunt would have been a good start for me.

Liking the person as well as lusting after them. Similar life expectations. Not loving drama too much - a lot of married life is contentment rather than fireworks. Being honest about what you want - no hoping for gifts or surprises & then being disappointed when the other person doesn't guess right. Trying to help each other with the stuff you're better at - I do admin, insurance quotes & calendars whilst he does physical admin in the house & gets things moving. Not being too needy - you can have different interests. Similar sex drives so no one's feeling resentful. Works for us - 30 years in Oct - which still seems less than that.

It’s so lovely reading these. I’m getting married in November and he is my absolute best friend. I’m so excited to have a marriage with someone I truly think is the best person ever.