NOT posting attention seeking facebooks posts means I don't care

[beenaroundtheblox]

Am I being unreasonable here. Very elderly and very unwell grandmother died this week. I am the only grandchild to not post about this on Facebook. I've had a few comments (my mother and cousin) that I mustn't be as upset. I'm not being unreasonable am I? I think talking to a dead 98 year old on Facebook is fucking mental but obviously not said that to them. I'm sad but not needing attention from people I wouldn't have actually told one to one. Please talk me down as I'm starting to lose my cool.

No, you're not being unreasonable.

I'd just stick with the 'Different people grieve differently' line. Just because you're not doing it the same way as them doesn't mean you're doing it wrong.

First of all I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother.
I have to say i'm totally with you here. I really can't bear the need to constantly announce everything going on in your life, including the tragic, to 'friends' on social media.

Yanbu. Other than a few likes and "sorry to hear that" replies, what is the point in making a FB status about it?

Sorry for your loss

i think I’d reply that you assumed grandma might not have access to Facebook where she’s gone so you prefer to keep your grieving private

No. Maybe just 'I don't use Facebook for personal things' you grief tourists

YANBU. I have been in your shoes and it drove me bonkers.

YANBU. Not grief related, but last year my sister genuinely asked me if I had split up from DH, because I didn’t post something about Fathers Day and what a great dad he is…
a) he’s not my dad
b) he’s not on instagram
c) DH posted a pic of his gift and card on Facebook (which I don’t use), which sister saw

people are so odd about social media, truly.

YANBU. I use Facebook a bit, but I didn't mention on facebook when my Granny, or my Dad died. Some people do, some people don't. I cared a lot about both but neither would have wanted to be discussed on Facebook, never mind that I didn't want to publicise it on social media anyway.

I’m the same OP. I usually reply “I’m just a very private person”.
Fuck ‘em.

You are not unreasonable at all, I'd just say everyone grieves differently and there is no right way. I'd be tempted to say you prefer to respect the dignity and privacy of your grandmother. My DF died this year, I barely use FB and certainly didn't post about it, anyone that needed to know I told and I really didn't need any attention via social media.

Other than to advise distant others of a death there isn't any point to announcing a loss on Facebook is there? I don't post anything about my feelings on FB and I know very few people who do. Probably diplomatic to just say that's not a space you feel comfortable sharing private feelings. Really cruel of your relatives

Sorry about your Gran.

You’re not being unreasonable.

Facebook posting is attention seeking. It’s the same as people who wish their mum a happy Mother’s Day on Facebook…. when their mum isn’t on Facebook.

Don’t get sucked into the competitive grieving culture of Facebook. I swear my timeline looks like a pitch for a new TV program “Come Die with Me” most of the time with people seemingly needing to demonstrate they are the most upset about whoever’s died.

Sorry for your loss.

I think its odd when people start reminiscing about dead people on Facebook and tagging them into posts like they can read it.
My dad's family are constantly posting on Facebook happy heavenly birthday auntie whoever. I don't commemorate dates or things but just remember the things the person contributed to my life.

I am totally on your side OP. Grief vampiring on Facefuck annoys the hell out of me. It's all for likes.

My condolences OP.

How awful at this sad time, your mother and cousin think having a pop at you is the way to behave.

They both sound moronic.

Hate this.
My cousin (in her early 20s) is the first to post when anyone in our family dies, even if their immediate haven't been told. And every year she posts overly emotional posts about our grandad who died 20 years ago, I doubt she even remembers him

I'm with you. I find it really odd when people write 'to' people on social media (whether alive or dead!).

Everyone’s different I’m sure, but I do find the cloying sentimentality on FB and other sites somewhat disturbing. Sometimes it’s almost a competition as to who can be the most upset.

Very sorry for your loss, OP, and I hope you find solace in which ever way you choose to remember and grieve for your grandmother.

It's Fakebook. It's all about attention. They have no right to tell you you feel nothing because you are not posting on social media. The worlds gone mad

i know, I do eye-rolls at the sentimentality as well. I'm not one to wear my heart on my facebook page.

They are being ridiculous and I'd be telling them that.

Prime example of why I'm not on social media.

It's like everything personal has to be announced to everybody.
Before the days of social media nobody rang up some school chum they haven't seen for 25 years to tell them they "had bad news today" or "so and so has died".

Like others have suggested, just say it's a personal thing and you didn't want to public discuss it/announce it. I can't believe they suggested you can't be upset because you didn't post about it on FB

When my father died my SILs sister ( so no relation to me at all) posted that it was so sad that another member of the family had died. Her friends were obviously surprised by this announcement and posted, in a panic, "Oh god hun(🙄) who has died ? " When she explained that is was her BILs dad the response was, quite rightly, a slightly confused "Oh, right". Grief thievery at its best.

Sorry for your loss.

I am on Facebook all the time, my mother died at the end of June her funeral is next week. No - I have not posted anything on Facebook and wouldn't dream of it. Too me, it's private.

Facebook is great fun but it should not be seen as a barometer for your emotions.