NOT posting attention seeking facebooks posts means I don't care

[beenaroundtheblox]

Am I being unreasonable here. Very elderly and very unwell grandmother died this week. I am the only grandchild to not post about this on Facebook. I've had a few comments (my mother and cousin) that I mustn't be as upset. I'm not being unreasonable am I? I think talking to a dead 98 year old on Facebook is fucking mental but obviously not said that to them. I'm sad but not needing attention from people I wouldn't have actually told one to one. Please talk me down as I'm starting to lose my cool.

This is exactly why I don't do Facebook.

Not everyone has people to support them in person. I'd be quite grateful for some additional sympathy with people that I don't necessarily see all the time - I have nobody that I could actually ring up and chat to in person - so for some of us, social media is valued. yes, I suppose it's attention seeking in some ways to post that someone close to you has died, but sometimes you need that attention, and I was grateful for supportive comments when I posted it.

In the case of the OP, that sounds like it's not the situation, but it might be in the case of some of the other people posters are talking about. it doesn't make you morally superior because you have lots of people to tell in person and to support and grieve together, and avoid social media. Social media doesn't have to be hundreds of random acquaintances from years gone by - and if you're on someone else's friend list, it doesn't mean that all their other friends have the same connection with that person as you do. Some of them possibly really do care that something has happened to them.

But there is a huge difference between “thinking of my grandma today who sadly passed away etc etc” which does get that sympathy than you’re talking about, vs “dear grandma, I miss you so much, you were the best granny ever etc etc” which is quite an odd open letter to someone who won’t be reading it

You’re the normal one op

Don’t worry about it

But there is a huge difference between “thinking of my grandma today who sadly passed away etc etc” which does get that sympathy than you’re talking about, vs “dear grandma, I miss you so much, you were the best granny ever etc etc” which is quite an odd open letter to someone who won’t be reading it*
*
Yes and I'm not keen on those posts either but quite happy to mute the people or scroll on by on those days, as it doesn't actually hurt me in any way, even if it's not my style. They could still be hurting and needing attention in some way, even if there are more appropriate ways of getting it. I won't change them by responding or not, so I just leave them be.

But there are quite a lot of people who do seem to feel not using social media or posting about personal things on it makes them morally superior, and it's those people that I think could sometimes think more about others who don't have a real life network, and to remember that people really don't all use social media in the same way. There are a lot of disparaging comments at times.

I had the same thing on the anniversary of someone dying. My response was “they didn’t have Facebook when they were alive so I doubt they will have started checking it now”

Just tell them you don't share personal details or feeling on social media and whether you do so or not is not an indicator of how upset a person is.

I can see why this would piss you off but it's not the time to argue. Just say your piece and step away from the crazy.

It's so hard losing granbdparents, you don't need this.x.

😮

but why be sarcastically horrible to them? Ok, it's a bit stupid to post like that and you (like most of us) don't like that style. But they're clearly wanting a bit of sympathy for whatever reason. So you could just not post anything rather than actively trying to hurt them. You're not going to change them by being sarcastic towards them, and it's not really anyone else's job to change them anyway, unless maybe they're a young relative that you are responsible for (and even then, there are nicer more private ways of encouraging them to change). It just seems like be horrible for the sake of it, because something irritates you.

I think you are showing dignity OP.I am so sorry for your loss.

You’re all heart.
If it makes a difficult day easier for someone who are we to say that they shouldn’t write a post. Just keep scrolling rather than being horrible to a supposed friend.

A relative of mine was on FB a lot and we all posted tributes to him when he died. It seemed fitting and genuinely comforted a lot of people to read the messages, particularly those closest to him.

When my Dad died, I posted a picture and that's all. He didn't do Facebook so it didn't seem the right thing to do.

What I am saying is, these posts are really personal and it is really nothing to do with anyone not involved. It is very easy to judge but these are real.people who have lostsomeone

Ps FWIW it would never have occurred to me to post about my grandmothers dying and it is totally your call OP. It is your call alone and not the law.

Empty vessels make the most noise. I assume social media grievers have quite shallow emotions as they are so happy to spraff them all over the place. My deepest losses are too profound for the shallow world of social media 'likes'.

From the experience of my BIL who I posted about earlier I can tell you that some social media grievers are just trying to get through the day.

Agree @DashOfMilkNoSugar