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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why this mum kepts telling us she doesn't like kids

55 replies

kiki22 · 06/07/2022 18:09

A school mum has told me and others both one on one and in groups she doesn't like kids she loves her own but doesn't like them and finds kids irritating.

The first time was at a party where we were talking about volenteering I do with some of the kids (because they knew me some of the parents didn't) at the party and how I really enjoy it. She said 'I can't stand kids my own bore me to tears' there was some polite laughs and many slide looks it was really awkward it wasn't jokey she was dead pan. Since then she continues to bring up how she doesn't like kids almost everytime I see her which is only at parties school events and the club I volenteer at.

I really am l getting sick of her telling me she doesn't like kids especially since the kids that she's around is only ever my kids and other kids I know. I'm finding it hard not to be offended.

What is the point in this can anyone shed any light? Is she looking for support? Is she looking for agreement? Is she attention seeking? She she just like the shock value?

I'm tempted to ask her why she kept telling me and ask if she want to talk about her feelings on a good say then to tell her to change the record on bad days but I don't want to fall out with her because I can't be arsed. It's honestly everytime often out of the blue like a kid comes for a drink and she'll say this is why I don't like kids you can never get through a conversation when the kid downs some water and runs off.

AIBU in finding it strange she brings it up so much?

OP posts:
Cocacolacazza · 06/07/2022 18:12

Given that you are happy to volunteer at child related activities, she is probably setting your expectations that she will not be volunteering. In case you ever feel the need to ask her to volunteer in the future.

Mmmmdanone · 06/07/2022 18:15

I think people with kids who say that are trying to be cool. "Look at me, being different to other mums".

Summerslam · 06/07/2022 18:18

I love my kids but I don't particularly like other peoples, other than my nephews and nieces. She's definitely saying 'count me out of any childcare/playdates' but voicing it in a rather bizarre way.

trollopolis · 06/07/2022 18:19

She sees the way you speak as proselytising for new volunteers (and indeed if you talk about it often, you may well come across that way) and is setting out her boundaries

Some people can really be pests about getting more volunteers, and perhaps you haven't had enough interactions for her to know whether that's the case with you.

Soubriquet · 06/07/2022 18:20

i don’t tend to like other peoples kids but I sure as hell wouldn’t be saying it to other parents faces.

That’s just rude

Solongtoshort · 06/07/2022 18:21

I work with someone who openly says she comes to work early to get away from her kids, sometimes she has been sat in the staff room for an hour……….she has 3, l could think of better places to be personally.

XmasElf10 · 06/07/2022 18:23

I have ASD and tend to speak my mind even when I shouldn’t. I don’t like other people’s kids or kids generally. I love my own. I might well say this to other parents as people make me uncomfortable and that tends to cause me to act “weird”. I don’t mean to be offensive and upset folks and wouldn’t be able to read faces well enough to know I was doing so.

Original poster
kiki22 · 06/07/2022 18:27

I did think about her not wanting to be huckled into volenteering but I've known her almost a year and never asked her we don't actually need anyone else anyway. I don't take anything to do with that side if things because I'm also a mum and have made it clear to the other parents club talk needs to go to the leader of the group.

Maybe it is that but surely after a year she would cool off on it?

OP posts:
Goldenbear · 06/07/2022 18:35

It is blatant attention seeking, I'd be tempted to state that you don't like attention seekers!

pumpkinpie01 · 06/07/2022 18:44

Bit weird and rude , next time say ' ah right ' and look very disinterested or just ignore. I know someone who would outright ignore children and not engage at all and has gone on to have 3 and be a good mum . Some people just don't like other kids , no need to be so vocal about it thou

CrispieCake · 06/07/2022 18:59

I'd be tempted to say something like "I know the feeling. I'm not particularly fond of adults but I've managed to find one or two I like over the years. Though personally I like most kids better than their parents. Kids have to put up with so much, don't they? Ah well, can't choose your parents" (staring pointedly at her children).

DarkShade · 06/07/2022 19:03

Maybe she feels insecure at all the volunteering you're doing and it's a really weird way of showing she is not in competition. It's weird to keep repeating it. To me kids are like adults. Love my own, love my family ones, love (or at least really really like!) my friends' kids and the friends of my kids. The rest I'm not bothered about, or they irritate me. I would never go on about to though it's weird.

stayingpositiveifpossible · 06/07/2022 19:32

I don't particularly like other peoples kids either. Not really because of who they are as such, just because looking after my own is draining enough and I'd rather either do things on my own or talk to adults when I do get some time off.

In that sense i can understand where this person is coming from. Looking after a teen and volunteering with kids as well would be way too much time with kids for me.

FloodTheBathroom · 06/07/2022 19:40

I'd ask her, really seriously if she's coping, there are people she can speak to if she needs help etc. Really heartfelt concern but laying it on thick that you think she needs help and no one would blame her. she won't say it again.

drpet49 · 06/07/2022 19:42

She sounds like a right weirdo.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 06/07/2022 19:43

Next time shout at her, ‘Oh for heaven’s sake, must we be subjected to this constant wittering?! I can’t stand to hear your stupid little voice anymore! No one cares that you hate children, or about anything you have to say, so for Christ’s sake put a bloody sock in it!!!’

That should do it.

collieresponder88 · 06/07/2022 19:44

I think she's just saying it to try and sound different to other mums and people think she's not boring or dull or has another life outside of her kids ! She's showing off in reality she's probably just the same as most mums

Summeriscomin1 · 06/07/2022 19:46

I absolutely cannot stand other peoples kids but I wouldn't keep on about it to others lol

lightisnotwhite · 06/07/2022 19:51

Is your lot the type of mums that only ever talk about your kids? Is it mostly about how well they’re doing, disguised as how proud you are of “them” ( subtext - what a fab mother I am).
Perhaps she’s fed up of people only ever talking about children.

Sally872 · 06/07/2022 19:53

She is being rude. I would just say "yeah, you said" next time and hope it highlights how repetitive she is.

LittlestBaoBun · 06/07/2022 19:53

Next time she mentions it, either cut her off with, or immediately follow the comment with, "yes, we know, heard you loud and clear the first time", or something along those lines. Maybe more, or less, polite than what I've suggested.

Outside of my volunteer job I genuinely don't enjoy the company of most kids, sometimes even my own - but then they're exhausting and don't shut up and it would be nice to get through a conversation with another adult.

But I can't imagine ever being rude enough to speak (repeatedly, too) like this mum does, specially when she's effectively insulting your children (I'm imagining when yours come for a drink).

She needs cutting down a peg or two. It's just rude.

Sunnytwobridges · 06/07/2022 20:02

I don't like kids either, and I have a DC, but only a few people who know me know this. I would never say it to someone's face, especially someone I'm not close to.

Pyewhacket · 06/07/2022 20:37

I work with ppl who see kids as hard work, expensive and limiting. A close friend and colleague even regretted having them in the first place and would rather be at work, taking a weekend bank shift whenever she can.

My mother showed very little enthusiasm for family life and saw it purely in terms of responsibility. And one she freely divulged herself of when I came back to the UK to live with my grandparents.

MaxOverTheMoon · 06/07/2022 20:42

What @Mmmmdanone said. Definitely trying to be cool.

helpwithncmum · 06/07/2022 21:14

lightisnotwhite · 06/07/2022 19:51

Is your lot the type of mums that only ever talk about your kids? Is it mostly about how well they’re doing, disguised as how proud you are of “them” ( subtext - what a fab mother I am).
Perhaps she’s fed up of people only ever talking about children.

This lot are not really my lot just other mums with kids in the same class. We probably do talk about the kids a good bit mainly because we aren't friends and only see each other for school events and partys. My youngest is struggling a lot at school so I don't talk about how well he's doing none of the other mums seem braggy to me.