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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why this mum kepts telling us she doesn't like kids

55 replies

kiki22 · 06/07/2022 18:09

A school mum has told me and others both one on one and in groups she doesn't like kids she loves her own but doesn't like them and finds kids irritating.

The first time was at a party where we were talking about volenteering I do with some of the kids (because they knew me some of the parents didn't) at the party and how I really enjoy it. She said 'I can't stand kids my own bore me to tears' there was some polite laughs and many slide looks it was really awkward it wasn't jokey she was dead pan. Since then she continues to bring up how she doesn't like kids almost everytime I see her which is only at parties school events and the club I volenteer at.

I really am l getting sick of her telling me she doesn't like kids especially since the kids that she's around is only ever my kids and other kids I know. I'm finding it hard not to be offended.

What is the point in this can anyone shed any light? Is she looking for support? Is she looking for agreement? Is she attention seeking? She she just like the shock value?

I'm tempted to ask her why she kept telling me and ask if she want to talk about her feelings on a good say then to tell her to change the record on bad days but I don't want to fall out with her because I can't be arsed. It's honestly everytime often out of the blue like a kid comes for a drink and she'll say this is why I don't like kids you can never get through a conversation when the kid downs some water and runs off.

AIBU in finding it strange she brings it up so much?

OP posts:
Original poster
kiki22 · 06/07/2022 21:16

Forgot to change my username above I need to revert it back to my old one.

I think I will go with yes you've said and hope she shuts up.

OP posts:
spanishsummers · 06/07/2022 23:25

She's trying to tell you she considers herself above all that, and is intended for more intelligent things, as she sees it.
What a bore.

LoudingVoice · 07/07/2022 02:53

lightisnotwhite · 06/07/2022 19:51

Is your lot the type of mums that only ever talk about your kids? Is it mostly about how well they’re doing, disguised as how proud you are of “them” ( subtext - what a fab mother I am).
Perhaps she’s fed up of people only ever talking about children.

Exactly what I was thinking, do you have any other topics of conversation you bring up apart from your kids and that you volunteer with kids?

If not how’s that any different than her stating she’s not interested in other peoples kids?

Not everyone does like kids, it’s hardly attention seeking or anything else people have mentioned, it’s not obligatory.

LoudingVoice · 07/07/2022 02:55

spanishsummers · 06/07/2022 23:25

She's trying to tell you she considers herself above all that, and is intended for more intelligent things, as she sees it.
What a bore.

Maybe when she’s with other adults she’d like an adult conversation about something other than other people’s kids?

thefamilyupstairs · 07/07/2022 04:06

I used to love kids when mine were young but now I find them extremely irritating. A few of my friends/close acquaintances had dc much later in life so their dc are still quite young. I have said numerous times in conversation light heartedly that I now find dc irritating, and acknowledge that it sounds mean but I really don't mean it that way.
I'm not attention seeking at all Hmm but setting clear expectations that I'm friends with the adult and have no interest to meet up in soft play places or to engage with young Hugo in any great length. I find that this new generation think that you should be utterly fascinated by their dc and want to treat them as an equal in conversation. A friend came to my house with her dc in tow and we were talking and her ds piped up "I'm not happy with this conversation, I want to talk about something else!". She apologised to him and asked what he wanted to talk about. It's those sort of parents that I make a point of telling that I'm not very fond of dc now.

Drevere · 07/07/2022 05:34

Not everyone does like kids, it’s hardly attention seeking or anything else people have mentioned, it’s not obligatory.

Agree. I have my own and love them. Don't like kids in general. I have said so a few times in different situations that were relevant at the time. Not because I was attention seeking, couldn't cope with my own, being different or any other suggestions. Just don't like them and there has been times where it's been appropriate to admit to it.

ReneBumsWombats · 07/07/2022 06:32

She has various negative associations with parents and wants you to know she's not like other mums.

I'd say "I know, you've told me" and then just not respond to it after that.

LateAF · 07/07/2022 06:54

thefamilyupstairs · 07/07/2022 04:06

I used to love kids when mine were young but now I find them extremely irritating. A few of my friends/close acquaintances had dc much later in life so their dc are still quite young. I have said numerous times in conversation light heartedly that I now find dc irritating, and acknowledge that it sounds mean but I really don't mean it that way.
I'm not attention seeking at all Hmm but setting clear expectations that I'm friends with the adult and have no interest to meet up in soft play places or to engage with young Hugo in any great length. I find that this new generation think that you should be utterly fascinated by their dc and want to treat them as an equal in conversation. A friend came to my house with her dc in tow and we were talking and her ds piped up "I'm not happy with this conversation, I want to talk about something else!". She apologised to him and asked what he wanted to talk about. It's those sort of parents that I make a point of telling that I'm not very fond of dc now.

If your friends made the same concessions for you (meeting up at soft plays and listening to you talk about your child’s sleep routine) when they were child free, you should do the same for them.

The example you gave is just of a mother pandering to her child- there have always been mums like that and it doesn’t give you an excuse to be rude back to her because you don’t like her parenting style.

RoseGoldEagle · 07/07/2022 06:55

Saying pointedly ‘ I know. You’ve said.’ in a pointed way is pretty rude. She’s not actually being rude about your particular children. I would honestly find this annoying too, but you don’t have to like everyone, just make some polite small talk and then move to talk to someone else.

PizzaEater54 · 07/07/2022 07:05

Play deaf, the next time she moans about it don't say anything. I do this with my MIL who tends to moan. The first couple of times I actually listen, after that I play deaf and ignore and it seems to work. Fed up of hearing the same thing it's boring.

I

Mrsmch123 · 07/07/2022 07:34

Love my own child but don't like other peoples🤷🏻‍♀️

MsTSwift · 07/07/2022 07:44

Sorry find it really weird and quite horrible to say you don’t like kids other than your own. Don’t get it. With the odd exception I feel real
affection for lots of my dds friends. Are you surrounded by dreadfully raised spoilt children?

if it’s your kids she’s seeing and she repeatedly says this then yes it’s aimed at them! If she’s keeps saying it I might be tempted to say jokily something like “well better keep mine away from you then you sound like the flipping wicked witch of the west “

FunDragon · 07/07/2022 07:46

Mmmmdanone · 06/07/2022 18:15

I think people with kids who say that are trying to be cool. "Look at me, being different to other mums".

Yes, I think it’s this. ‘I’m not like the other mums.’

I’m also very suspicious of people who say ‘I love my own children but hate other people’s kids’ because I think they mean ‘other people’s children are just toys for my perfect angels to bully.’

MsTSwift · 07/07/2022 07:53

It’s not socially acceptable to proclaim to “hate” any other group grouped by a characteristic they can’t help but it’s ok to say this about kids as this thread attests….

thefamilyupstairs · 07/07/2022 07:57

@LateAF no none of them met up with me at soft play (that wouldn't even occur to me that a childless person would want to do that) or bothered much with my dc. Nor would I have expected them too. I find the majority of parents really pander to their dc now in a way that 10-20 years ago did not happen. Hence I'm clear about setting my expectations.

Vikinga · 07/07/2022 08:07

I don't understand how you can blanket dislike kids. I have spent a lot of time with kids (have 4 of my own so had their friends round a lot) and kids are great. They're funny, they're interesting, they often have such a pure heart that it is warming to see. Some kids can be a pain at some points in their lives but for the most part, kids are great.

ReneBumsWombats · 07/07/2022 08:09

I find the majority of parents really pander to their dc now in a way that 10-20 years ago did not happen.

I definitely remember people saying this in 2012 and 2002.

CrispieCake · 07/07/2022 08:10

FunDragon · 07/07/2022 07:46

Yes, I think it’s this. ‘I’m not like the other mums.’

I’m also very suspicious of people who say ‘I love my own children but hate other people’s kids’ because I think they mean ‘other people’s children are just toys for my perfect angels to bully.’

Show quote history

I agree. Other people seem to have perfectly nice, if not nicer, children than mine, who can be a little terror sometimes. I love my child obviously - he has a great sense of humour and long periods of being the sweetest most helpful little boy, but interspersed with absolute devilry, stubborness, not listening and wanting his own way (actually very like his father 😂!). All children are individuals and have their moments, but often my friends' children seem easier to deal with.

aletterfromseneca · 07/07/2022 08:13

Maybe it’s a cry for help and a desire for some child free socialisation?

ReneBumsWombats · 07/07/2022 08:14

Your friends' kids probably behave better for you, plus they haven't got that direct line straight to the AAAAARGG part of your brain.

I like kids. Always have, even before I wanted them. I know why they have tantrums etc, they're very small and learning emotional development. It's tantrumming, whingey adults I can't stand.

Wafflehouse · 07/07/2022 08:17

I do wonder what people are trying to achieve when they say this as it just makes them look like a dick. Even if it’s true, and I don’t see how you can dislike EVERY child that is not your own, you don’t need to tell people. There was a mum at our primary school used to say this very loudly when waiting for her dcs at pick up. She turned up the following year as a TA in one of my dcs classes and is now going on to be a teacher. 🤷‍♀️

butterflied · 07/07/2022 08:17

She apologised to him and asked what he wanted to talk about

That would have been the end of the visit for me.

"Better get on with things, thanks for stopping by."

thefamilyupstairs · 07/07/2022 08:30

@Vikinga I generally like dc more when they are away from their parents. I agree they are funny, can be sweet, see things that adults don't etc but do I want them included every time I see my friends? No. For me that's when they become irritating, and their parents become irritating to me too.

MsTSwift · 07/07/2022 08:34

Agree re socialising with others younger kids when yours older tedious but this scenario is mums all looking after their own similar age kids

DiamanteDelia · 07/07/2022 08:35

My guess would be that she’s trying to signal that she may be a mum but she’s actually a lot more interesting than the rest of you mums who spend all day thinking of nothing but CBeebies and Daz washing powder.

It’s the next stage on from being the sort of woman who makes a point of saying that she doesn’t have many female friends and gets on much better with men, in a tone which implies that she thinks women are only interested in shoes and diets while her own mind is on higher things.

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