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Original poster

DH making me anxious about war.

74 replies

TarasHarp55 · 06/07/2022 17:56

I just feel very very scared right now. I purposely don't watch the news, but DH has it in all the time. For months now he's telling me about Ukraine and the dangers of it all escalating. Now he's saying it's inevitable we'll get drawn in very soon. I'm literally petrified. Please talk me down. I just feel now that there's not much purpose to anything.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 06/07/2022 17:58

Ask him why he's continuing to talk about this when he can see it's upsetting you? Hardly the action of a loving husband is it?

bluejelly · 06/07/2022 17:58

I think he's wrong. We won't go to war with Russia. It would be madness. Try not to worry

Eyesopenwideawake · 06/07/2022 17:59

Also, unless he's a high ranking member of the armed forces or a spy, he knows jack shit!

x2boys · 06/07/2022 18:04

I don't think Putin wants to go to war with NATO .

Original poster
TarasHarp55 · 06/07/2022 18:05

He thinks I bury my head under the sand. I tell him so what, that's the way I cope, there's nothing I can do but he thinks I'm being soft.

OP posts:
Fenella123 · 06/07/2022 18:06

Is your DH Ben Wallace? No? Then why do you take any more notice of his opinions on this than you would of any other random man on the street?
Honest question! If you can think through why (or why not) you would take him particularly seriously about this, you'll have a lot more peace of mind

FOJN · 06/07/2022 18:06

If worry and anxiety changed anything then COVID would have a been a 5 minute wonder and the Russia/Ukraine situation would have already been resolved. I appreciate that sounds flippant but you only have the here and now and you are wasting it worrying about something that may or may not happen. Tell your husband to stop giving you updates and do something to focus your mind on the good things in the world, that might be a bit harder at the moment but there is still good to be appreciated and celebrated.

SimonaRazowska · 06/07/2022 18:07

Your DH sounds awful and selfish

what a twat

does he feel important that he knows the future?!

Davyjones · 06/07/2022 18:08

TarasHarp55 · 06/07/2022 18:05

He thinks I bury my head under the sand. I tell him so what, that's the way I cope, there's nothing I can do but he thinks I'm being soft.

Then come back to him with

okay you’re right. So what do we do?

get pad and pan out ready to list the actions he thinks you should take

Say you’ve booked the day off work to implement them

Frazzledmummy123 · 06/07/2022 18:08

Tell him to stop it, and that you don't want to be hearing his personal predictions (which will probably never happen). Is he in the habit of being dramatic generally? I've found a lot of people have created a mass hysteria about the Ukraine war since it began. A lot of opinions such as 'this is the start of ww3', 'we'll get nuked', etc (neither of which are highly likely) are purely subjective and are beliefs of doom mongers and people who tend to catastrophise things.

Obviously nobody can 100% predict what will happen, however my personal view is, why would Putin start on anywhere else when he hasn't exactly achieved his aims in the Ukraine?

Eyesopenwideawake · 06/07/2022 18:09

Has he enlisted in the Reserves or Territorials? If not, why not?

Tentpegsandtantrums · 06/07/2022 18:10

I don’t think he’s making you anxious. I think you are an anxious person and talk of war triggers this. I agree it’s not nice for him to talk about this in your earshot as he’s aware of it, but I find it odd that a grown adult can’t hear a passing reference to war (e.g. if someone mentioned a collection for Ukraine at work) and not be triggered.

Original poster
TarasHarp55 · 06/07/2022 18:11

Yes he does this a lot about a variety of news reports. But now he's told me this I'm so worried , I just think what's the point.

OP posts:
Sundayfootball19288228282 · 06/07/2022 18:12

@TarasHarp55 if you watched the news you’d realise we aren’t anywhere near war right now….. I means boris has enough fish to fry right now without going to war.

MissCrowley · 06/07/2022 18:14

I'm pretty sure if Putin wanted a war with the west we'd have one right now.
And I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder and this is something that I'm not worried about.

ReneBumsWombats · 06/07/2022 18:16

What does he get out of winding you up like this? Does it make him feel like a man?

Notanotherwindow · 06/07/2022 18:17

He's chatting shit. Putin will not go to war with NATO. He's batshit, not stupid. They can't even cope with tiny Ukraine.

Original poster
TarasHarp55 · 06/07/2022 18:18

Davyjones · 06/07/2022 18:08

Then come back to him with

okay you’re right. So what do we do?

get pad and pan out ready to list the actions he thinks you should take

Say you’ve booked the day off work to implement them

Show quote history

If I can calm myself down I might do that

OP posts:
Debbiedoodah · 06/07/2022 18:20

What's the point of what? Your anxiety is unreasonable and your response is over the top. Your DH is being a dick but you also need to see professional help

Comtesse · 06/07/2022 18:23

Your husband is very ill informed - don’t get sucked in by his drama.

Original poster
TarasHarp55 · 06/07/2022 18:23

Debbiedoodah · 06/07/2022 18:20

What's the point of what? Your anxiety is unreasonable and your response is over the top. Your DH is being a dick but you also need to see professional help

Meaning what's the point in looking ahead and planning things for the future.

OP posts:
Kris02 · 06/07/2022 18:24

Notanotherwindow · 06/07/2022 18:17

He's chatting shit. Putin will not go to war with NATO. He's batshit, not stupid. They can't even cope with tiny Ukraine.

I'm not so sure. Max Hastings, a war historian and seasoned journalist (he was in Saigon when it fell during the Vietnam war), said recently that we'll probably have to fight Russia at some point in the next decade. Until he said that I'd dismissed all the war talk as nonsense. But Hastings is someone I respect. The man has been writing about war and international relations for fifty years. He knows his stuff.

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 06/07/2022 18:25

Your husband is being a dick. Ignore him.

However, you are not being "literally petrified".

Original poster
TarasHarp55 · 06/07/2022 18:27

Kris02 · 06/07/2022 18:24

I'm not so sure. Max Hastings, a war historian and seasoned journalist (he was in Saigon when it fell during the Vietnam war), said recently that we'll probably have to fight Russia at some point in the next decade. Until he said that I'd dismissed all the war talk as nonsense. But Hastings is someone I respect. The man has been writing about war and international relations for fifty years. He knows his stuff.

Show quote history

I was just calming down a bit till I read that.

OP posts:
TheVanguardSix · 06/07/2022 18:29

Who are you married to, Vincent Price? I think your DH is being histrionic and probably enjoys watching you squirm.
We won’t go to war with Russia, OP. I’m no expert but I do listen to every podcast going and I have an interest in geopolitics… and survival (like everyone else)! 💐

Is your DH a bit dramatic? Does he enjoy being the bearer of bad news and watching people’s responses? My exH was like this. He took pride in his role: The Oracle of Doom and Scaremongering. God, it was exhausting.

Is there any way you can slip away from DH while he’s reading tea leaves and predicting Putin’s back garden bare-chested ride-by?
Get DH out of the house… have him build an Anderson shelter. That’ll keep him busy. You have all my sympathy. Headphones are your friend. And if you have a dog, rekindle your passion for dog walks.