DH making me anxious about war.

[TarasHarp55]

I just feel very very scared right now. I purposely don't watch the news, but DH has it in all the time. For months now he's telling me about Ukraine and the dangers of it all escalating. Now he's saying it's inevitable we'll get drawn in very soon. I'm literally petrified. Please talk me down. I just feel now that there's not much purpose to anything.

I hope this Max Hastings is wrong. I was calming down till I read that.

NOBODY, not even one man no matter how clued up and knowledgable he is, can say what will happen. Note the word 'probably' was in there too.

If Putin took on Nato he couldn't do it alone and he isn't working alone so nobody, not even those in his circle would give him back up to take on Nato or fire nukes, etc. He has threatened 'consequences' for those who went against Russia ages ago. Why hasn't he done it then? Because he wouldn't when already struggling in the Ukraine.

As the pp said “this” Max Hastings is a well established respected writer on things military and military history, though he can be a somewhat controversial character to say the least.

As for thoughts of war between Russia and the UK, probably not any time soon because Russia are quickly degrading the capabilities of their armed forces in Ukraine - I wouldn’t be losing sleep about it.

OP, if you have never heard of "this" Max Hastings, you aren't really qualified to have any kind of meaningful opinion about the war in Ukraine.

I was thinking that.

And this is why it is important to know what’s going on in the world…

Your husband, is he normally a bit of a catastrophiser, who possibly reads about conspiracy theories?

Interesting that you are not accused of being a tory bot, this is basically the premise around why BJ should stay in office.

Fwiw I think if Wallace was PM war would be more likely

Ok, you can’t change anything. So why waste your life worrying?

You are willingly ignorant, so how can you possibly form any kind of opinion, good or bad? Happy or sad?

Putin hasn't managed to successfully take over one country (Ukraine) yet, why is your DH so sure he is about to take on another 30 countries simultaneously?

Good you don't watch the news. Ignorance is bliss orwell was right

Very unlikely we will go to war with Russia.... our government can't even agree on anything let alone war!

I think that maybe not watching the news at all probably isn't helpful. As a pp said, it's quite clear from watching the news that a war with Russia won't happen anytime soon.

I sympathise with you, I really do, but watching some news will probably be helpful to you to get an idea of the current situation.

Also, your husband sounds like the sort of person that gets off on the idea of some sort of massive drama happening in an otherwise mundane life. Look on the 'terrified!!! building a bomb shelter!!' and 'Prepping for War!! how many tins of Waitrose specially marinated beans to buy?' threads on here from a few months ago, some people really do get off on it.

You both sound anxious but in different ways.

I don't understand why instead of working yourself up into a froth you don't just watch/read the news yourself? It's pretty weird that you would choose to think your dh is some kind of oracle and be 'literally pertrified' rather than just spend 20mins educating yourself. Do you have problems forming your own opinion on everything or just 'the news'?

Hi, I imagine you are probably suffering from anxiety. I get this sometimes and get so worried about global events.

I would contact your GP. The way you are feeling is no joke.

Ps I think we’re unlikely to go to war

Much as this Max Hasting guy may be well respected (I don't know, I've never heard of him), if he said 'War is unlikely' they wouldn't be quoting him, they'd be quoting someone else who said 'War is likely/probably/possible' because that is the click bait that gets people reading.

Also the 'News' has a habit of quoting things out of context so what may have been said is 'if x or y happens followed by z then war is probable' and the only bit that gets picked up is the catastrophic version.

Nuclear war on a grand scale is more unlikely now than it has ever been since the option became available as there is enough out there to destroy the human race (not the planet, that will survive, it won't be the same but it will still be there and will recover). No one (barring possibly Trump) would be stupid enough, definitely not Putin.

I'd tell him I'm not interested and don't talk to me about it. I also wouldn't have the news on

Yes I do admit, because of my anxiety and not watching the news I am ignorant of a lot of things going on in the world....but not all. . That's probably why I hadn't heard of Max Hastings. I can't help being anxious but I do have an opinion on Ukraine. My post isn't about whether I have the rights to an opinion, but my huge anxiety and wanting reassurance.

I'm not oblivious to the suffering going on over there. I have a phobia about war. But when experts (not my DH) say war is likely my anxiety goes into overdrive. That's why I mentioned this "Max Hastings" . I was calming down till then. For all the reassurance from so many of you I'm really grateful but posts like that don't help. It undid all the reassurance itms.

Meaning what's the point in looking ahead and planning things for the future.

What if you're (or more to the point, your DH) wrong? Think of all the things you are missing out on while you're worrying (which achieves absolutely nothing).

I have anxiety and fear of war. Of course I can have opinions. Just because I don't watch the news doesn't make me stupid or not entitled to an opinion. My post isn't about that.

A single, out of touch war expert does not influence the tide of war.

We will not go to war with Russia. If we do and that is a massive IF - how much did the Afghanistan or Iraq war impact us? It didn't really. It's a very long way away on a different continent. We do not border any country. We will not see any invasion or any direct war effort.

As my Nana used to say of WW2, 'they have to get across the sea.' We have not had war on British soil for hundreds of years. It will be hundreds of years more before we see it again. Russia is a very long way away and Putin is far more isolated in his allies. We have NATO, the biggest war giants in the world. If NATO got involved Russia would crumble in weeks - long before it reached the UK. But again, that won't happen.

The only thing we have to worry about at the moment is BOJO and his muppets.

I promise you, you are safe. Your husband is an ejit and he is scare mongering you.

Nobody said you are not entitled to an opinion.

But if you don't watch the news, haven't heard of Max Hastings and your sole source of information on this is your somewhat knobbish husband, your opinion is almost entirely devoid of any reasoning, objectivity or substance.

That being the case, why would it justify such worry?

To my mind this isnt really about Russia/Ukraine and war. This is about your DH controlling you and making you upset. Honestly you've got far.more to deal with than worry about war.- you should be looking at how you get out of that relationship. I bet you'd have less anxiety and more confidence for starters.

You are willingly ignorant; you have admitted that.

If someone’s going to drop a bomb on your house in a months time wouldn’t you have rather spent that month happy and enjoying life rather than being fucking miserable and bringing everyone else around you down too?

OP, have you ever done any Inner Child work with a therapist. Helped me no end.

Basically when we have a hugely strong emotion on anything there's a chance it's our Inner Child speaking up - in this case the little girl you once used to be is terrified. You need to step up and be there for her now, talk her down, keep her safe and calm.

Do some reading around it online and work on listening to her, the work you do will last you a lifetime and living in fear is just shit.

Bootothegoose nobody said Max Hastings was right, either. The problem is that the OP has chosen to detach herself from world events while listening to her husband (who's clearly a drama queen). If she were to read up a bit, she would a) know who Max Hastings is; and b) know whether he's talking shite or not.

Anyone is entitled to an opinion. But an opinion based on complete and utter ignorance isn't really worth much.

My post isn't about whether I have the rights to an opinion, but my huge anxiety and wanting reassurance

OP, it would definitely be beneficial for you to speak to your GP.