DH making me anxious about war.

[TarasHarp55]

I just feel very very scared right now. I purposely don't watch the news, but DH has it in all the time. For months now he's telling me about Ukraine and the dangers of it all escalating. Now he's saying it's inevitable we'll get drawn in very soon. I'm literally petrified. Please talk me down. I just feel now that there's not much purpose to anything.

You’re a case in point for ‘knowledge is power’, OP.

In this case, if you were informed you would be able to form a reasoned opinion, likely that war with Russia is unlikely, imminent war with Russian unbelievably unlikely.

You wouldn’t be wallowing in wilful ignorance panicking about a situation you don’t understand.

OP, if you have never heard of "this" Max Hastings, you aren't really qualified to have any kind of meaningful opinion about the war in Ukraine.

My right to an opinion depends on whether or not I've heard of this man?

Whether or not he's right or wrong isn't the key thing here.

You're with a man who is saying things that you find upsetting and anxiety inducing, you tell him that they make you feel that way and instead of stopping he doubles down and insults you saying you stick your head in the sand.

Mate, you're married to a right prick.

Although I tend to agree your husband is being a bit of a nasty bastard upsetting you so much I do wonder if he also needs to seek help for anxiety. I would urge you too as well op. I have been you a few months back (minus the unhelpful comments from a dh). Some urgent cbt and prescription for citalopram and I can now rationalise my thoughts and don’t worry about the world ending by nuclear war or ww3. Please get some support. Presuming you’re in the uk you are so safe.

I'm copying my own post here: Anyone is entitled to an opinion. But an opinion based on complete and utter ignorance isn't really worth much

Yes I am going to ask my GP if he will prescribe me something. As for DH no chance. He's too pig headed

Nah. If we are in war it's nuclear with Russia. Will never happen . My dad tells me about the Cuban missile crisis . My grandad said to him that scary night, you can stay up late tonight son cause you might not be here in the morning. Scary times. Media hyping this one and if it did happen you wouldn't know about it so no point worrying . And I worry about everything

I believe that when we enter the 2030s, the world / Europe / the Uk will be a very different place to what it is now. Global warming, meta verse, threat of nuclear war, cost of living, none of this is looking good. Not sure about war but there will be challenges.

Your husband is drip feeding you his anxieties and it's shit behaviour.

Put some boundaries in and get him to shut up about it, or fuck off; it's clearly impacting your mental health and it's really selfish of him to do that to you.

No, the validity of your opinion, and how good a reason it is to be so worried, depends on whether you know anything about the situation.

You don't (by choice), so it's daft getting so stressed when all you're going on is your husband who clearly gets off on it. He probably likes the fact that you intentionally stay uninformed because you won't argue with him and he can feel powerful and all knowing by scaring you.

Yes your husband is not being helpful at all. We shouldn't let anxiety dominate our lives. It's very common to a greater or lesser extent but there are ways to help to deal with it. I don't think that your husband's approach is particularly helpful. There's nothing that can be gained from worrying about something that we can't control. Definitely see your GP and see what options are available - be it medication and/or CBT try not to let it restrict your life.

Is your husband a high ranking military officer, civil servant in the MoD, an academic specialising in international relations, or Mystic Meg?

@TarasHarp55

op why the fuck are you paying so much to what your DH says?!

He is not an expert

Get a grip on yourself

Sounds like he's purposely winding you up, knowing you don't like it. I'd be having strong words with him if I were you.

Dump him.

What does your DH expect you to do about it?

Where do you find these crap men? Like, yellow sticker discounted, bottom of the barrel tier.

It blows my mind women share space with these miserable, thick, wannabe-bully losers.

Yabu to ignore the news.
Nobody likes to hear it but it's a fact of life that bad things are happening.
Understanding what is actually happening will help you feel more in control to make any decisions should they be required.
Ignoring it then allowing someone to 'scare' you is a bit juvenile.

He thinks you're being soft as opposed to him who's doing what exactly other than watching the news and moaning to his DW

But it's advice given over and over again here on mumsnet, specifically for posters who come on with anxiety over such things...."Step away from the news". I do agree with this advice. When you suffer with anxiety, watching the news is the worst thing imo. I don't think it's juvenile, I think it's the right thing to do.Like some have said, my dh is the problem.....but that's another story.

That PP who mentioned inner child work is spot on. We carry a lot of trauma from our upbringing/childhood/experiences.

Yes, easy to worry but having gone through the cold war - Cuban missile crisis mentioned upthread and the Northern Irish "Troubles", to me it's just "different shit, another day". I have family in a country pretty much at war too (not Ukraine) and I refuse to let these things bring me down. I could drop down dead tomorrow anyway. Live each day to your fullest. You never know when it's over.

As for Max Hastings. He's built a life and career on "doom mongering". He's probably in his dotage now anyway.

It might all sound flippant but I refuse to let negativity rule my life.

My husband is in the military. He's not worried and I'm not worried so please don't be worried 😂

Thank you, reassurance like that means a lot. Honestly I'm not the little woman who hangs on to her husband's every word. I do tell him to fuck off with his doom and gloom. It's just that I'm a born worrier.

Honestly, he has already bitten off more than he can chew with Ukraine. He has lost 10s of thousands of men and Russias economy is struggling. Ukraine is one very formidable country for its size but it is tiny compared to Russia. If they can't even manage to take Kyiv, what makes you think he will be able to take out 30 more larger and better armed countries simultaneously? Even if he were crazy enough to try, it won't end well for Russia.