To cancel a date due to heatwave?

[savebuckbeak]

First date with someone on Friday in London. Just seen that it's 28C even towards the evening. I don't cope well in the heat and at its worst it makes me feel quite unwell. AIBU to cancel?

The forecast will likely be wrong.

Yesterday it was meant to be 21 degrees and it certainly was not even that warm. Today is meant to be 24 and sunny. At the moment it is overcast, not even a glimpse of the sun and looks like it is about to rain any second.

I would be properly pissed off if someone cancelled on me for this. I’d also assume they weren’t interested. If you really liked someone, you’d make the effort.

If you do cancel, at least have the decency to explain why. If your date is someone who loves foreign sunny holidays, then you're going to be rather incompatible in the future.

Is 28c a heatwave?

I'd initially think you were oddly flakey, but if you told me that you had a medical condition that made it impossible to cope with the heat, I'd know that we were incompatible. I'm not a sun worshipper but I love long haul travel and many of the places I enjoy going to/want to go to are hot.

I personally think it’s fine to cancel and to be completely honest about why.

Medical condition or not, I’d want to know as early as possible if someone hated heat because I think it really would make us incompatible in terms of holidays, hobbies etc.

And it might turn out that your date hates heat too!

Absolutely fine to cancel if you feel you won't be able to cope, but I think you do need to be prepared for the possibility that the other person might think you're incompatible as a result of that.

I'll be honest: I don't think I would start a relationship with someone who couldn't do anything in fairly normal summer weather conditions. If I was already in an established relationship with them, and they then developed a condition further down the line, that would be different - I wouldn't dump someone on those grounds, of course. But if I hadn't even had a date with them and they told me they couldn't go out in hot / cold / wet / whatever weather, I'd think 'Oh, that's a shame, but they're not for me'.

Similarly, I have a condition that means I probably won't ever be able to learn to drive, and I know there are lots of Mumsnetters who think not driving is the most offputting thing in the world, so I would accept that people might find my lack of driving annoying and not want to pursue a relationship with me.

If it makes you feel ill I guess you YANBU. But if I was on the receiving end of that excuse I would probably not really bother pursuing it any further unless I was head over heels. It comes across as either a bad excuse, or really quite high maintenance.

I am married, but I think I would feel hurt and deeply patronised if someone cancelled a date due to the weather (at least, anything short of a meteor shower, hurricane or tidal wave).

Even if the reason is genuine, (as it is here), it probably would not sound like that to the other person.

They are probably thinking "Super - its great weather, we can get a nice table outside a bar" or something.

The hottest part of the day is around noon, so I would be very surprised if the temperature was still pushing 30 degrees mid-evening!

I hate being too hot so I understand your heart sinking realising it’ll be hot (and yes 28 is hot despite what some posters are insisting 🙄). I wouldn’t cancel over it though. Id make sure I got there early enough to cool myself down with iced water or something at the bar. Enough time to reduce being hot and flustered from the tube or whatever. Once you’ve cooled down a bit there won’t be much moving around on the actual date

I think that would be very odd.

I wouldn’t fancy going into London, possibly using the underground in the heat. So quite possible I would think about postponing, but I wouldn’t say why! The trouble is that there Is going to be a week of good weather so you would have to postpone for that long which he might interpret as a brush off.

I would understand as I hate the heat too but it'll be in the 30s all next week so it wouldn't be easy to reschedule. That makes it tricky if it means you then won't meet for a couple of weeks.

I have a friend similar to you. I admit although my brain understands, my heart doesn't, as I am one of those people who will be solar powered when we all turn into robots. I couldn't date someone who can't handle heat, for whatever reason, however legitimate. Maybe just be honest and say you suffer in heat and need air con?

I'd guess you weren't interested and move on. Probably for the best as I adore the heat and bask like a little lizard. The last thing I'd want to do on a lovely summer evening is sit inside with air conditioning

I think that would be poor. Surely you can tell them now and arrange a place that has Aircon?

This is as wet as the poster who was debating taking a day off work recently because of the heat. And actually did.
What about day to day life when it is 28 degrees? You can't swerve everything.

And, like a PP said, 28 degrees is normal summertime, not a heatwave.

Well, cancel the date if you like.

I wouldn't be offering another one if I were the person on the receiving end though! I'd find it incredibly flaky to not be able to go somewhere during normal summer weather conditions, and probably wouldn't believe the excuse. Too much hassle for a first date.

@savebuckbeak Yes, because “weather preferences” are a major factor in deciding how and where you spend your time. As soon as it starts heating up I like to spend as much time as possible outside making the most of it. Guaranteed sunshine is a must on holidays, and I like to take as many holidays as I can, and even at home in summer I’d prefer to be outside, eat outside, sit out to have a drink, and so on. Doing those things with someone who wasn’t enjoying themselves, or who was constantly negotiating to go and sit somewhere cool and dark would piss all over it, we’d end up bickering and resentful and everything would be a compromise. What would be the point? Nobody’s right or wrong for having a preference one way or the other, but sometimes they make you incompatible.

I’m pissing myself laughing at the idea of someone considering 28 degrees a heatwave!

I'd cancel but probably lie as to why. Hate.

The BBC weather man last night referred to the upcoming “heatwave” so I don’t know why all the “it’s not a heatwave” people need to be so sneery. Go and tell the weather forecasters that.

So many posters questioning if it's a heatwave... Yes, 28 degrees absolutely is classed as a heatwave if it lasts for a few days. Its over 5 degrees more than the average UK July temperature, so if it lasts a few days, it meets the definition.

“Heatwave criteria is likely to be met in some locations from the weekend and into early next week. Most likely areas for these thresholds to be met is the southwest England and south Wales, although other areas with higher thresholds could also reach heatwave thresholds early next week. For an official Met Office heatwave, specific thresholds, based on the region, must be met for three days running”

from
www.metoffice.gov.uk/about-us/press-office/news/weather-and-climate/2022/how-long-will-july-warmth-last

some of you need to quit your Met Office jobs…

I understand and I hate the heat as it makes me ill, and I live somewhere were it gets much hotter than that unfortunately. However I would never cancel a date because of it. Especially if it's someone that I really like. I'd definitely make sure we stay indoors for the date and park in covered parking if possible.