Boyish girl

[HowdoIphrasethis]

Dd, almost 4, is very into Spider-Man, Sonic, Garfield etc, she’s not at all interested in princesses and so on.
My parents yesterday called her a ‘Boyish girl’ and said for her birthday instead of buying her Sonic toys and a couple of Spider-Man ones (I’ve also got her a doll. Frozen bike etc) that I should be buying more doll things and *Girly things.
Its true she often prefers to play with the boys as their play is more exciting, she says. She’s very bright with a great sense of humour and v imaginative. She plays with girls sometimes, is fine wearing dresses and likes animals and pretty things…god, I feel ridiculous saying all that 🙄think my parents have got in my head!

What is/was your girl like at that age? Should I be encouraging *Girlier interests and pursuits?

What is the problem, exactly? She is a child, playing with the things she likes. Why on earth shouldn't girls like action and superheroes?! Why would you make her play games that don't interest her?

My DD is 4, she frequently walks around in a Spiderman or Darth Vader costume. She won't touch dolls (apart from one at her grandma's that is often forced on her and thrown to one side), her favourite film is Jurassic park, she can name most dinosaurs.
It really bugs my in-laws that's she's not girly, but I just let her like what she likes. She absolutely loves a twirly dress with pockets though!

Your parents are stuck in the 50s. Believe me, any attempt to start nagging your daughter to be a different sort of girl will be deeply upsetting and long remembered.

My mother never missed a chance to tell me how disappointed she was that I wasn't a floofy pink princess.

Don't let them vocalise their dismal attitudes around her, either.

I was like this as a child. Hated anything too girly. Played with barbies but I gave them haircuts so short I practically scalped them because I hated having to untangle their hair.

Massive preference for male teachers, all my friends were boys. I'm still like that even now. Most of my friends are male and I tend to prefer male doctors, dentists, therapists, managers. I don't bond easily with other women. I'm decidedly female myself, happily wear dresses, like pink, can even do sparkles and glitter in small doses. I don't think it really means anything, it's just how she is.

Useful guide:

Can people just be people with their own likes and dislikes without gender/gender stereotypes coming into the equation. She is simply a person that likes Marvel. It's no big deal that she just so happens to be a female too.

I feel bad as she liked the Frozen songs when she was teeny, thinks it’s ok now, but isn’t massively fussed. I wanted to get her a new bike for her birthday, the choices were a purple Frozen one or pink unicorn ones (o personally don’t like these but would get if she asked)
I got the Frozen one and it’s stashed away.
Walking around the shops the other day, she saw a Spider-Man one and was desperate for it…too late now, but I can just imagine my parents if I had got it her 🙈
It’s weird as they are so modern and forward thinking in things really

My daughter is 10 and still like this. I wouldn't worry at all.

My dd has never liked typical "girly" things. She had a pirate party for her 3rd birthday. She played with hot wheels, pirates, footballs. She has never been interested in dolls, princesses or unicorns.

She is 11 now and going to high school in September. She plays for the local football team and wears boy's trousers and shorts for school. She will never wear skirts or dresses and has no interest in make up or having her nails done.
In the past a teeny tiny part of me might have wished she'd like a few more girly things but not anymore. I'm really proud of her and the fact she knows her own mind and she's never been afraid to be herself. Take no notice of your parents.

What's wrong with liking all the things she does? Your family is just perpetuating sexist stereotypes. They'd be happy if she was a boy into these things.

It is possible to buy a bike that’s just blue, or red, or yellow… it doesn’t have to be Frozen or Spider-Man or whatever. Also much handier for when you’re handing it down to the next kid… and as for Frozen, my little boy was obsessed with it as it came out when he was little. Loved it. The girl - not so fussed.
these phases pass.

I am a woman who never wears make up or dresses and I live a good Marvel movie. I used to get comments when I was a child but as an adult nobody blinks an eyelid if I watch Spider-Man at the the cinema or play a Sonic video game.

Go with what makes your dd happy. She probably already gets comments about her choices and it's a matter of time before you're asked about her gender identity Respecting her likes and dislikes is the way to a happy and confident child imo.

As a girl I enjoyed climbing trees, catching slow worms, bringing mice home and putting them in my doll’s house, playing with dolls, building with Lego, prodding around in the mud, curling my hair, midnight feasts, ballet, karate, catching fish and crabs in the estuary, adventures on my bike, traipsing around fields and making a den, wildlife, foraging, mothering my cat…

I never thought about whether I was being girly enough

I have a 4 year old DD who is all about Spiderman, I couldn't care less about the comments, she is who she is, she will not put a stitch of pink on her and I don't care. When asked about clothes I just say "she is who she is, I couldn't care less" (I could when i have no black leggings dry, then I wish she would work with me a bit more 🤣) My sister wanted to change her wardrobe and wouldn't listen to me when I said she will not wear colour. Sister came shopping, my DD said No a lot my sister now accepts my child is who she is.

I know other kids who were like this and who are now all about the fashion. She will turn out how she does, once she laughs and sings every day and is happy that is my job done. Feck everyone else, if you don't care soon they won't.

I did everything I could to pass as a boy between the ages of about 4 and 7.
I hated all 'Girl' things including dolls, dresses and long hair...
It didn't do me any harm, my mum did great looking back as she just let me get on with it and funded my dungarees and Tonka habit.

She is not a boyish girl. She is a girl with varied interests, some of those which are liked by boys more than girls (but plenty of girls like them as well).

If it's any consolation, I was not a typical girl in any way whatsoever. I flat refused to wear a dress, ever (remember going to a wedding in white jeans). I never played with a doll, or dress up, in my life. I thought princesses were deadly dull and the only disney film I liked was lady and the tramp (I liked tramp, obviously). When I grew up I wanted to be in the a team or be a footballer. I never owned anything pink. I mostly played with boys. My favourite colour was and is blue

Now I'm an adult, I do work in a male dominated industry. My hobbies are neutral I think (snowboarding, cycling, cooking, reading, art, roller blading). Half my friends are men and half women. But I'm fine wearing a dress and makeup when I feel like it. And I have children, after thinking I had no maternal bones in my body...including a girl who loves pink glittery vacant princesses (aaarrrggghhh!).

and this is why we have all the gender ideology clap trap!

Your friends daughters are dressing up as princesses and playing with dolls because that's the toys their parents have bought for them since they were tiny. I'm willing to bet they've always been dressed in pink too?

I was like your daughter.

I loved my Barbies but I also had an Action Man. I loved playing video games like sonic and watching thunder cats and he-man but I also loved she-ra. I HATED wearing dresses!

As an adult I still favour things like cars and motorbikes and I'd rather be out cycling or swimming in a lake than getting my hair and nails done.

I live in Lycra and sliders or trainers.

BUT when the occasion calls such as a family wedding or special night out I love booking in for my nails and makeup professionally done and I usually wear a dress and high heels.

A girl can be and like whatever she wants - we don't have to buy into the gender stereotype shite.

She sounds like fun, I'm confused as to where the problem is here.

I was not really into "girl" toys as a child. I liked lego and remote control cars and skateboards, playing outdoors and much preferred stereotype "boy" toys.

I'm a happy mother of 2 kids. I still don't really see the appeal of dolls, toy prams or dolls houses. I didn't even like real prams much come to think of it.

This is so true and it is very frustrating that we are in this place in 2022.

I am in spitting distance of being 60 and your parents attitudes remind me of my parents back in the 1960s, which is depressing given that there is a fair chance I am older than your parents.

I didn't like "girly" toys or pink things, I wasn't interested in dresses or make up. I preferred climbing trees and cars. I thought boys had more fun so I wanted to be a boy. At least until I got to 11 or 12 when I realised I did want to be a girl but could still do all the interesting things as well. Pink dresses and make up were not compulsory.

Get your DD the things she wants to play with and is interested in, not what your parents think she should play with.

My daughter has never been into dolls and much prefers marvel etc.

But what has that got to do with being boyish or girlish?

Your parents are being ridiculous and trying to impose their adult gender stereotypes onto your daughter.

Why would you want to buy a toy she is not interested in? Encourage her to be herself and explore her own interests.

Also my rising 3 yr old girl loves dressing a superhero, doesn't really like dresses (they get in the way balance biking...) but sometimes likes pink (she changes her mind a lot) and quite regularly carts a baby doll around the place. She's a real mix & that's the point, children are individuals , we don't need to impose our stupid boxes on them

Leave her alone ffs. Why on earth are you trying to force gender stereotypes on a small child?

She's not "boyish". She's just expressing her individual preferences.

Why does anyone like dolls, and "girly things" anyway? Things described as "girly" are usually just practice for a lifetime of image issues, people pleasing, drudge work and arse wiping. Never had any interest in them.