Boyish girl

[HowdoIphrasethis]

Dd, almost 4, is very into Spider-Man, Sonic, Garfield etc, she’s not at all interested in princesses and so on.
My parents yesterday called her a ‘Boyish girl’ and said for her birthday instead of buying her Sonic toys and a couple of Spider-Man ones (I’ve also got her a doll. Frozen bike etc) that I should be buying more doll things and *Girly things.
Its true she often prefers to play with the boys as their play is more exciting, she says. She’s very bright with a great sense of humour and v imaginative. She plays with girls sometimes, is fine wearing dresses and likes animals and pretty things…god, I feel ridiculous saying all that 🙄think my parents have got in my head!

What is/was your girl like at that age? Should I be encouraging *Girlier interests and pursuits?

@girlfriend44 Why wouldn’t it be true 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Just let her choose, have a mixture of toys.
I only have a sister, in our childhood we had dolls, art and crafts stuff, Lego, train books, bikes, all kinds of things. Now I'm an engineer with a side hustle in sewing and she works in hospitality and is a classic car nut. Nobody has to identify into one box.

Encourage your daughter to pursue her own interests and be her own person and please don't let anyone make her believe there is anything "wrong" with her for having those interests. Make sure your parents know your feelings on this.

Perhaps her preference for male company is because other girls her age don't share her interests.

There are no such things as boys and girls toys, there are only only toys.

I think girls are so conditioned to conform that it would be awful to guide her towards things other people think she should be interested in. She is currently confident in the choices she is making independently and that is the thing to encourage.

Haha, you sound like me as a kid. My mum got me all these wonderful frilly dresses and I would kick the F off and only wear my dungarees or my brother's old denim shorts. 😆 I was never into dolls or pink things and it never bothered anyone. Sometimes in my adult life people have called me blokey but I tend to challenge and say that I'm just being me and I'm also a woman. 🤷🏻‍♀️

My son is a little bit "girly" and plays with girls a lot and I think it's great that the children all play together nicely. Some of the girls are really quite "boyish" actually, although none of this matters because they're all individuals with their own personalities and tastes. I don't think their biology is important here. Let kids be kids. 😊

Get her what she wants, loves, and will use - toys are for fun, and it's HER birthday. If someone in the family thinks she's missing out by not having a certain type of toy - for example, if your MIL loved dolls as a child and wants to share the memories - it's fine to say these look nice/fun or I used to love these at your age and ask if she'd like one. But because she might enjoy it, not because it fits some idea of what a girl should have/do/be.

I was this child too. Just let her do what she likes regardless of gender stereotypes surely? Sounds like this is what you are doing anyway.

Just ridiculous! I've raised my kids knowing interests are interests and their sex has nothing to do with it. This outdated gender stereotypes are harmful and I honestly can't believe that in 2022, we're still dealing with this shit and appear to be going backwards!

Let your daughter like what she likes! Ignore your parents and don't let anyone make her feel bad, just because she's not conforming to some made up bullshit ideas of what she is "supposed" to like

When I was that age I dragged my dolls around by their hair, my parents thought it was funny. Stop stressing.

DD 4 is extremely girly - loves anything pink and sparkly/unicorns/dolls etc. But if she preferred toys more typically aimed at boys I'd buy her those instead. I buy her the girly stuff cause she likes it. Although her obsession atm is Paw Patrol.

Also apologies if that came across as harsh to you. You're not being ridiculous, it's just the fact that we still have to field nonsense like this that annoys me so much! I feel like I've been fighting against it since my kids were little and we seem to be going backwards. Ignore your parents and keep supporting your daughter to be her awesome little self

My DS is the opposite- almost 6, loves dolls and princesses and crafts and dressing up, writing in his secret diary. Most of his friends are girls, and always have been. He does occasionally like more traditionally "boy" things; it's up to him really. He chooses what to spend his pocket money on each week; sometimes it's a barbie and sometimes it's a monster truck.

Who cares!

I echo the others, I wouldn't worry. I remember being more fascinated with my cousin's toy garage when I was that age than anything else. So much so my parents bought me one for the next Christmas.

By the time I was 10 years old I'd discovered Daisy (similar to Sindy and Barbie but dressed by Mary Quant) and it was Daisy outfits all the way after that!

I don't think I was ever interested in other 'girly' stuff to be honest. I liked craft stuff more than other dolls. I got into make up when I was about 14 years old but that's about all.

We're all different - DS used to help me do make up when he was that age. And he was blooming good at it!

I cannot believe this - my parents would be nearly 100 now, my grandparents 120+. None of them ever thought I shouldn't play with tractors/go fishing/have chemistry sets/go on to have a challenging career.

I really would leave her be. My 9 year old was very much like that. Yet her little sister loved dolls and dress up.

Now she is 9, she LOVES fashion, skirts, hairstyles etc. She has girly interests, but even still would far rather play NERF than dollies. I wouldn't worry. It's so silly really.

I hated dolls. They're boring. Why inflict something she doesn't want. She can play with whatever she want to.

I was like this as a child.. and still remember the disapointment when i got bought a doll..... and a shopper type bike rather than a racer/bmx i would have preferred books ..or craft/making/drawing stuff or skateboard etc

I never was and never became girly just not my thing...

I know a woman who has memories of being bribed to wear dresses and other girly things when she was a child. It's not nice when she tells these stories. Your daughter is fine as she is, and you don't want to feel like she's not accepted, if she does she'll remember that.

33 year old "boyish" girl here!! haha I was exactly the same - never had a dolls, or girly toys! had toy cars, lego, dinosaurs, mechano etc as toys - refused to wear dresses or anything pink.

My parents always just got me what I was interested in and didn't push dolls or more "girly" toys

I hate all this crap thought tbh as I don't really think there is such thing as girls and boys toys - they are toys for everyone to play with

I'm still the same tbh in my fashion sense and interests - most of my friends are male

I have a husband and a daughter now - i will 100% be allowing her chose to be into whatever she likes and not push anything on her

Your parents are wrong

I had this problem with my MIL, she was aghast when I bought DD spider man pjyamas and a chelsea football kit. She thought I should force her into 'girlie' stuff. Ridiculous. Ignore your parents and crack on doing what you're doing.

I think the best thing you can do as a parent is let her be totally herself!

I think grandparents can be quite old fashioned with their thinking, my mum would be horrified if I brought another woman home but I don't care if my dd brings an alien home as long as she is happy!

She has always been the same as your dd, always played with the boys etc, she's 10 now and still prefers boys company, she is hilarious and has the most wicked sense of humour and is as much into make up and 'boyfriends' as her mates are

Tails is a boy.

I never liked dolls either and liked toys that were aimed towards boys. I turned out fine. It always annoyed me that just because I was a girl people assumed I liked to dress up, wear pink and play with dolls. Forcing gender stereotypes on me.

I had a toy pram when I was a child. I used to use it to carry around my toy cars in! I only liked it because it had wheels and I could race round corners pushing it, pretending I was driving it!

You could buy your DD all the dolls in the world, but if she doesn't like playing with them, she won't.

I had some but they were never played with. Cuddly toys, yes, dolls, no. Meanwhile, I played with the aforementioned toy cars, lego and scalextric! I know I had other things like flower fairies and Cindy dolls, but those aren't what I remember playing with.

I'm still not in to massively "girlie" things as I'm older, but hardly any of my close female friends are. Give me a driving day over a spa day any day.

Being a bit of a "tomboy" never held me back in any way whatsoever. Be the type of parent who wants to see their child happy, not conform to stereotypical nonsense!

My girl is the same. Also 4. She likes superheroes and Thomas and her best friends are all boys. I think it’s cool and I’m glad she’s not interested in unicorns.

This is what os what's wrong with the world.
There aren't boy toys or girl toys. There are just toys. Your kid like to play with the boys. Cool. Let her. Don't buy her things she doesn't like just because society says that just because she is born with a vagina she must love frozen and pink and other nonsense. Let her choose who and what she is/plays with. She is not less of a girl if she doesn't play with dollies.

She is not more a girl if she likes pink and nailpolish etc.

Just let her be her.

"There are no such things as boys and girls toys, there are only only toys."

Are you sure?

IMHO it is vital to acknowledge truth (eg girls are more likely than boys to like playing with dolls) whilst also acknowledging that the truth doesn't mean that a partiular girl has to like dolls or a particular boy has to hate them.