Boyish girl

[HowdoIphrasethis]

Dd, almost 4, is very into Spider-Man, Sonic, Garfield etc, she’s not at all interested in princesses and so on.
My parents yesterday called her a ‘Boyish girl’ and said for her birthday instead of buying her Sonic toys and a couple of Spider-Man ones (I’ve also got her a doll. Frozen bike etc) that I should be buying more doll things and *Girly things.
Its true she often prefers to play with the boys as their play is more exciting, she says. She’s very bright with a great sense of humour and v imaginative. She plays with girls sometimes, is fine wearing dresses and likes animals and pretty things…god, I feel ridiculous saying all that 🙄think my parents have got in my head!

What is/was your girl like at that age? Should I be encouraging *Girlier interests and pursuits?

ignore your parents. Let your girl carry on girling her way.

In your position I would primarily be buying your daughter the things she wants... but I would also want to try to ensure that she has access to stereotypically girlie things too. In other words maybe your parents have a bit of a point, but mainly I'd be getting her the boyish things she wants.

I've never had daughters but I was like your dd. While my sister was at ballet lessons I was outside climbing trees! I had a go kart and a train set and kept my hair short. I was never 'girlie'. My folks let me be me and play with/do what made me happy, like you're doing with your dd. It's never had an adverse affect on me. I'm still not terrifically girlie (can't do make up at all!) but have recently (mud 40s) developed a love for a pretty frock!
What are your parents worried about?

My youngest gravitates to all things "boy" because it's cooler stuff in our opinion, DD1 disagrees and far more practical.

MIL is concerned I'm not encouraging the feminine part of my daughter, but it doesn't need encouraging. My daughter knows she's a girl, is perfectly happy being a girl, she would just rather play in the mud and wear boy clothes than prance around in dresses and playing with dolls.

When she was smaller, she wore a Thor Tshirt to school. In the yard one of the boys came up to her and said "You can't wear stuff like that, it's a boy top" her response at the grand old age of 4 was "It's not a boy top, it's my top" and sauntered off in a Thor-like fashion.

Just keep encouraging your daughter to be herself and keep a clear message that she's an awesome girl who likes awesome stuff...this should keep the rabid genderites in their boxes.

It’s total normal. My DD -9 - peers are prob 50/50 on ‘girls’ stuff versus ‘boys’ stuff though she is sporty so her closest friends are the girls who play on her football and cricket teams. My DD likes to dress up but I would say she’s a total Tomboy, just one who occasionally sticks a dress in.
let her be. You can’t change her anyway, and why would you want to?

if this is true then tell your parents to butt out and stop being so silly.

Even as an adult i always think toys for boys look more fun. All girls toys are centred around dressing up, doing barbies hair, doing their make up - YAWN.

I wanted to run around with hulk hands and pretend to smash down tree's because it was FUN. I wouldnt worry at all, your parents have out dated thinking and its nothing more than that.

Tell them she is who she is, she likes what she likes and you will not be trying to force her into anything she doesn't choose

My DD was very into dinosaurs at that age, and her favourite toy (that had to go everywhere with her) was a large plastic crocodile. She also loved hunting for mini beasts and making nature collages with whatever she found on walks and in the garden. She is now doing A levels, gets her hair and nails done regularly and wears make up every day. She also takes shit from no-one and has little time for social stereotypes.

Your DD sounds like great fun OP, though your parents sound like they are stuck in the last century. Ignore them and keep reinforcing to your DD that if she is happy you are happy and nobody else matters.

Maybe she will always play with boys. Maybe she'll study a traditionally "masculine" subject at university, and form a career she loves. Why would any of that be a thing to be avoided?

I was very much a "tom boy" from early on, my mum tried sticking me in frilly dresses and all hell would break loose until I was put back in my dungarees! How could I climb trees, play in the mud, the river, football, mini boglins (anyone remember those) in a frilly dress!? I wasn't keen on dolls, much preferred getting out old scraps of wallpaper and drawing roads on them for my micro machines, firing spud guns whilst playing army and building dens with my male friends. I've never felt like I should've been born a boy (if that's a worry you have) or that I shouldn't be playing with those things. I've never been "girly" but I don't think it's had any impact on my life in a negative way whatsoever, in some instances I'd say it's worked in my favour in fact.

OP have you found Spidey and his Amazing Friends on Disney+? Completely unrelated to the question you’ve asked, just think it’s a good show that your DD might enjoy if she’s into SpiderMan.

In an ideal world kids get to like what they like, we were as a generation making steps with this. Girls were able to like ‘boys toys’ and football so much so that things were becoming less labelled.
Then bam your girl likes ‘boys toys’, it’s because she is a boy in the wrong body! Sending the whole movement back to the start.
The term boyish girl is probably the best we can hope for now generation backwards has got a foothold.

I've said YABU for even thinking of listening to your idiotic parents.

My DD loved Thomas the Tank Engine as a small child. She had a full die cast set of them and not a single doll. She and DD2 played with Lego, climbed trees, and made themselves a pirate ship on a fallen tree in the stream behind our house.
They lived in jeans or leggings, loathed dresses, and both preferred maths to
english at school. They are now in their 30s, happily settled with long term male partners, and are graduates with a maths and business degree respectively.
Please let your DD follow her own interests. Trying to force 1950s sexist stereotypes on to her is at best counterproductive and at worst may set her up as cannon fodder for the transactivists.

I think kids don't know or care what is aimed at girls or boys and just play with whatever interests them.
I have a niece and nephew that are a year apart in age so dsis has a mix of toys in her house. They both regularly swap from cars to dolls to footballs to the toy kitchen to dinosaurs.
They both also enjoy peppa pig, moana, Spider-Man, paw patrol and something called Cry Babies ().

Let her play with whatever she wants.

Also, once you really start looking it amazing how much more exciting a lot of 'boys' toys are (niece gets princess dresses, unicorns, toy sweeping brush while nephew gets ride-on dinosaurs, a pet inspection kit and action figures that do stuff).

I was your daughter. Let her cut her own path as a girl it really doesn't matter.

My DD13 is also like this. No dresses, pink, shops in the boys sections a lot and likes computers.

I ended up in STEM. My view is that not caring about stereotypes, and the limiting implications, allowed me to pursue that.

This was/is my daughter. She never ever played with a doll. She adored teddies. She liked cars and trains and got a blue ride on tractor for her second birthday. She liked things that moved like marble runs and car tracks. She loved Lego and still does but only to build and display.
She has never liked dressing up or pink. She had female friends for the first years at primary but preferred playing with their brothers. One of them stopped inviting her over because she would ultimately be found gaming with her big brother.
Just embrace who is she and what she likes.

Mother of a 13yo girl who never liked typically girly toys as a small child. We gave her a mixture of toys, she just never played with the dolls house or the babies. She once had a strop on a school Santa visit when she was given a barbie rather than a car. My parents used to try to give her girly presents but soon gave up and bought her stuff she liked. Which was anything to do with animals and lego!

She still doesn't conform to gender stereotypes.. wears baggy skater clothes, no dresses, no makeup or doing her hair. She does jujitsu and rugby and cliff jumping. I just go with the flow now. Although I do worry in this day and age age that someone is going to tell her she must be a boy.

I was like this, everyone called me a tomboy at the time. I think it's weirder having a super girly dd at 4 - I honestly don't know where it's come from but she loves everything pink, sparkly, unicorns etc and always says - that's a boy thing/ that's a girl thing. Probably preschool. My ds on the other hand still says his favourite colour is pink and doesn't care what others think at 6. I think just let them be themselves as much as possible.

I was a ‘boyish girl’, always short hair and trousers, not that into dolls, did Cubs instead of Brownies in the 90s. Played with boys, into sports and history. I was really into gaming and science fiction during my teenage years.

I’m in my late 20s now, my hair is to my hips and I’ve only worn dresses for the past 5 years, I don’t own any trousers. I do work in farming though which I suppose isn’t your stereotypical female job. Interests evolve, it doesn’t mean anything at all!

I just let it all happen. As it was DD had phases but her favourite toys at 4-8 were playmobil (pirates in particular, followed by Egyptians) then lego.

This helped me as DS came along and loved those things just as much.

She had a phase of sylvanians 8-10 but it was collecting rather than role play.

@ResentfulLemon 😅Love that

Yes, my parents were acting a bit like this…quite surprising in this day and age tho! 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think that’s it ridiculous that we still have people who want to ‘gender’ kids play in some way. Pretty sure if you had a boy they wouldn’t be worrying that he didn’t want to play with dolls …

Just let her be herself and provide her with a range of toys/books/dressing up clothes, but don't feel like you have to force particular things on her (when she's at nursery or school she'll encounter a wide range of things too). Children's tastes and interests can change tremendously as they develop, and there's no problem anyway with a child not being interested in traditionally "girl" or "boy" things (I was never really keen on dolls or princesses and I'm a perfectly functional adult woman ;-)).

If anyone is making "helpful" suggestions to you, just tell them that she has plenty of variety of toys to choose from and what she's choosing is not a problem.

Well done on being a great mum and letting your daughter be herself!

This is where gender ideology is taking us. Back to the 50s where girls have to like princesses, dolls and glitter otherwise people assume there's either something "wrong" with them or they are in fact a boy born in the "wrong" body. We need yo resist gender stereotyping for our children.