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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU with my upset towards my partner

86 replies

likeadog · 05/07/2022 13:19

We don't live together but he is signed off work and cannot drive for medical reasons.
He's been staying at mine approx50% of the time. I'm a single parent with three kids.
He is generous in that he'll bring me for
Lunch or dinner at times but I've been providing all the fuel and most of the food.
He buys little treats for his siblings kids all of the time when he is away to bring back.

My issue is this.
He asked to bring me for lunch today after I dropped and collected him from an appointment an hour away.

Not only did he not bring me for
Lunch, I ended up buying us the lunch at a shitty service station and we ate in the car as he didn't want to sit in.
He then went and bought his nieces and nephews treats for when he gets home.
I got so cross.
Never anything for my kids despite living in our home half the time and not even a sandwich for lunch!
I pay majority of petrol and food costs.
AIBU.

OP posts:
waveyourpompoms · 05/07/2022 13:23

If you haven’t said anything then yes, YABU. How did you end up in the service station?

Also it’s take, not bring.

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 05/07/2022 13:23

Sounds like you need rid of him to be honest as if this is happening at only 50% of the time good luck with 100%! Good luck

Bunty55 · 05/07/2022 13:24

How can he bring you anywhere if you have to drive

Unanananana · 05/07/2022 13:24

He is a cocklodger.

Why are you even entertaining this shit?

Cantbeliveyoufakeit · 05/07/2022 13:24

Nope, he's taking the piss and well on the way to cocklodger territory, I would be reconsidering this relationship OP.

Mally100 · 05/07/2022 13:24

Please use this as a good big red flag. He just wants to be in a relationship with you, use your place to home himself and sees your kids as your issue to deal with. He has no intentions of thinking of you all as a unit. You really, really need to see this clearly for what it is. Dump him, you can do better.

3luckystars · 05/07/2022 13:26

I’m probably misunderstanding you here but how can he bring you for lunch if he can’t drive? Do you mean he is stingy?
You seem to be doing a lot of the running here, I’d back off.
If he is mean with money I would end the relationship.

Bananalanacake · 05/07/2022 13:26

Is he going back to work?

Original poster
likeadog · 05/07/2022 13:28

By taking me for lunch , I mean treating me to lunch.
He has great interest in my kids but would never think to treat them only throw them an odd tenner now and again.

OP posts:
tomatopsste · 05/07/2022 13:29

likeadog · 05/07/2022 13:28

By taking me for lunch , I mean treating me to lunch.
He has great interest in my kids but would never think to treat them only throw them an odd tenner now and again.

Throw them an old tenner?

You don't like him, finish with him!

Original poster
likeadog · 05/07/2022 13:29

I am doing a lot of the running as he is signed off sick and will be indefinitely.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 05/07/2022 13:29

The money you’re spending on him is money you’re taking away from your children. Is he worth it?

Original poster
likeadog · 05/07/2022 13:30

@tomatopsste I do like him

OP posts:
Footbal · 05/07/2022 13:31

Get rid

Itwasntmeright · 05/07/2022 13:32

Why are you subsidizing a grown man at the expense of yourself and your DC? He’s only doing it because you’re allowing him to. Nobody is forcing you, so why are you doing it?

RatherBeRiding · 05/07/2022 13:32

No he is not generous by buying you lunch and dinner now and again when you are using your fuel and providing free board and lodgings for 50% of the time.

Either agree with him a fair contribution to living/fuel costs or tell him it's not working.

LittleOwl153 · 05/07/2022 13:34

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/07/2022 13:29

The money you’re spending on him is money you’re taking away from your children. Is he worth it?

This!! 👆👆

Stop spending on him. See if he still wants to spend time with you then. If you're driving him to hospital - tell him you'll only do it if he gives you petrol money. Don't buy him food.

steviewiththecankles · 05/07/2022 13:35

Speak to him about it. Tell him he has to pay his way. If he objects then you need to decide if you want to continue spending your money on him and not on you or your children.

Mally100 · 05/07/2022 13:37

You're clearly going to stay with him so not sure what you're looking for. You think someone off work indefinitely, got you running around after him, not contributing fairly to your household, doesn't treat your kids as part of a long term unit is a good choice to bring home? You are a single mother with 3 kids, make better choices.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 05/07/2022 13:37

Get rid of this fool. You haven't got enough money to pay for an adult toddler as well as your own three kids.
This is a typical cocklodger who preys on single mums because they know everything will be free.
Never date a man who doesn't pay his own way again.

HintofVintagePink · 05/07/2022 13:38

Your children deserve much better than this. It sounds like you’d save yourself time and money by being single.

Mally100 · 05/07/2022 13:39

It's pathetic that women bring men like this into their home when they have children depending on them to set a good example. You funding him is taking away from your kids, how does that sit right with you?

Unanananana · 05/07/2022 13:44

God, your poor kids. You are putting a bit of dick above them.

What exactly is the point of him otherwise? Doesn't work, doesn't drive, expects you to foot his bills. He saw you coming.

bloodyunicorns · 05/07/2022 13:59

Sounds like he's taking the piss. But you will have to say something to him clearly about what you expect and what's fair in terms of money. Does he give you money for lifts?

Original poster
likeadog · 05/07/2022 14:03

Sometimes

OP posts: