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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU with my upset towards my partner

86 replies

likeadog · 05/07/2022 13:19

We don't live together but he is signed off work and cannot drive for medical reasons.
He's been staying at mine approx50% of the time. I'm a single parent with three kids.
He is generous in that he'll bring me for
Lunch or dinner at times but I've been providing all the fuel and most of the food.
He buys little treats for his siblings kids all of the time when he is away to bring back.

My issue is this.
He asked to bring me for lunch today after I dropped and collected him from an appointment an hour away.

Not only did he not bring me for
Lunch, I ended up buying us the lunch at a shitty service station and we ate in the car as he didn't want to sit in.
He then went and bought his nieces and nephews treats for when he gets home.
I got so cross.
Never anything for my kids despite living in our home half the time and not even a sandwich for lunch!
I pay majority of petrol and food costs.
AIBU.

OP posts:
lunar1 · 05/07/2022 15:21

He's in your home half the time, call it what you like but you have a blended family with him and your dc.

Original poster
likeadog · 05/07/2022 15:21

I've introduced my kids to him a couple of years ago !
They see him as a friend.
This illness and debilitation is only months old.

OP posts:
MintyGreenDreams · 05/07/2022 15:25

What illness has he got?

SpeckofDustUponMySoul · 05/07/2022 15:25

So, you allow a piss taking knob to stay with you 50% of the time; a piss taking knob, who lets you pay to ferry him everywhere and doesn't offer money for petrol etc. And, he's so wonderful with your kids, but...
I'm sorry, I can't go on. What are you doing with him? Sorry to hear he's been signed off for whatever ailment is afflicting him, but he is showing you exactly who he is by his treatment of you.

11Hawkins · 05/07/2022 15:25

Friends don't live with you 50 percent of the time. Come on op.

That said I would stick to your guns. Stop paying for him. No more driving either - if he asks for a lift "sure but I don't have much in the tank to get us there would you be able to put £30 in?" Every. Single. Time.

HollowTalk · 05/07/2022 15:27

Unanananana · 05/07/2022 13:24

He is a cocklodger.

Why are you even entertaining this shit?

^^^

This.

worriedatthistime · 05/07/2022 15:30

So its beeb fine for a few years but since he has become il its all changed ? Because the dynamics have changed now in your relationship
You either go back to how it was before ( which maybe he genuinely can't) or you split really

Aquamarine1029 · 05/07/2022 15:34

He's taking you for an absolute mug and you're allowing it. What a terrible example for your kids.

Mally100 · 05/07/2022 15:34

I'm glad you have asked him to leave. You're a single mother with 3 kids, how on earth did you get suckered into taking on another dependent? Don't add more to your plate. This entire relationship benefits him hugely, not you or your kids.

Tiani4 · 05/07/2022 15:35

When my bf stayed over he took it in turns to buy all the food for that nights meal. Or he would bring over for eg steaks or a lamb joint and check if I had chips potatoes etc to go with it. Then he would help me cook and wash up. And I would do same when I visited him. Your DP isn't even contributing towards petrol or anything else. How lovely to go through life having other people support you financially half the time and shout and get angry at them when they point it out?!

Your DP is a user. Eating all your food and supplies 50% of the week without contributing a penny. He is a cocklodger, he is taking money from your DCs but you don't realise it.

My bff dumped her DP after two years when she finally realise he was costing her a fortune always staying at hers so much and never financially contributing. He went exactly 50% on every meal out or calculated his share (whatever was cheaper). He told her what to buy for his DCs (£40 each ) and rarely bought more than a £5 gift for her DCs birthdays. The final straw was when she asked him to pick up some milk and bread one night (he having eaten meals all weekend and two nights in midweek for years and then breakfast stuff and made packed lunches for himself next morning without ever getting his wallet out) and he left her THE RECEIPT on the side. For a loaf of bread and a £1 4 pint bottle of milk. Bloody celebration from all her friends and family when she dumped him. 💥

Original poster
likeadog · 05/07/2022 15:35

A life limiting illness.
I feel like such a mug now but he's getting ready to go home.
Sad it all ended like this.
Yes he's shown me who he is and I am angry with myself but feel guilty also.

OP posts:
11Hawkins · 05/07/2022 15:43

likeadog · 05/07/2022 15:35

A life limiting illness.
I feel like such a mug now but he's getting ready to go home.
Sad it all ended like this.
Yes he's shown me who he is and I am angry with myself but feel guilty also.

Don't feel guilty he's using you for your money and your car. If he had treated you fairly this would never of happened.

Therealjudgejudy · 05/07/2022 15:45

Don't feel guilty. Feel proud for getting this sponger out of you and your kids life.

bumpytrumpy · 05/07/2022 15:51

likeadog · 05/07/2022 13:29

I am doing a lot of the running as he is signed off sick and will be indefinitely.

So this is going to be your life FOREVER?!

Are you happy with that?

bumpytrumpy · 05/07/2022 15:51

likeadog · 05/07/2022 14:23

My kids are always number one with me. That's not the issue here

No they're not.

And yes that is the issue.

bumpytrumpy · 05/07/2022 15:52

likeadog · 05/07/2022 15:16

Also I have no interest in us being a unit with my children and him . I won't be blending. I don't believe in it being in the best interests of the kids, regardless of who the partner is.

This is the most sensible thing you have said

DrManhattan · 05/07/2022 15:54

All on you is this. Get rid.

2bazookas · 05/07/2022 16:22

All I can say is, more fool you to put up with his greedy rude demands.

GabriellaMontez · 05/07/2022 16:26

Just ditch him. He'd using you. Unless this is how you want to live.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/07/2022 16:44

likeadog · 05/07/2022 15:35

A life limiting illness.
I feel like such a mug now but he's getting ready to go home.
Sad it all ended like this.
Yes he's shown me who he is and I am angry with myself but feel guilty also.

Enough with the absurd misplaced guilt already. Why would you feel guilt when you haven't done anything wrong? This twat feels no guilt having taken you for a mug, I assure you.

BackToTheTop · 05/07/2022 16:59

If he's with you 50% if the time and you are doing all the driving you need to have a chat with him about contributing to the household bills, such as food and fuel

BritWifeInUSA · 05/07/2022 17:21

Why is he deciding where and when you go if you’re the one who does the driving?

ChampagneLassie · 05/07/2022 17:27

likeadog · 05/07/2022 14:23

My kids are always number one with me. That's not the issue here

Except unless you're super wealthy your spending money on him. And certainly time and he doesn't value them or you a ls much as his nicese or nephews. Wake up, some indulging and apologising for his behaviour, you asked on here as you clearly feel uncomfortable. Get rid, I don't think he'll step up and change

ChampagneLassie · 05/07/2022 17:28

likeadog · 05/07/2022 15:35

A life limiting illness.
I feel like such a mug now but he's getting ready to go home.
Sad it all ended like this.
Yes he's shown me who he is and I am angry with myself but feel guilty also.

Sorry just saw this. Well done, stay strong, you deserve a man who is meeting you at least on a equal footing x

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 05/07/2022 17:35

Just remember not to drive him and his stuff home. He can call a taxi and work out just how much you have been giving him for free.

He's insulted? Arse!

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