Feeling sick at how much I’m spending on kids party

[Mum5432]

Can’t really talk to anyone in RL as they will think I’m really tight with money or stupid.

I’m having my first ever party for my son who is primary school age. I looked into lots of options like hiring a hall etc. but it was too much headache as I would have to source the food, entertainment etc. myself and I just don’t have time.

So I booked softplay as I don’t need to worry about anything they will provide everything. I worded the invite very carefully to explain the party will be for named child only and not siblings so that bit is sorted.

but I’m getting really worried about the spiralling costs as I didn’t factor in that my son and his younger siblings count in the list too so it’s £25 EACH just for birthday boy and his brothers and sisters! I’ve also had to invite cousins from both sides as we get invited every year. I’ve also let few close friends bring their younger children as they have no childcare so that’s another £25 for 4 siblings = £100!

I’m really worried as when I planned this with DH I budgeted 6-8 kids from school. Didn’t realise my kids would also have to pay. Plus I have to pay for the adult entry. How the hell do people afford this! The play centre is booked every weekend. There was a cancellation so I managed to grab a spot on DS actual birthday date. It’s ridiculous. Not sure what I’m looking for from this thread.

You should only have to pay for the actual children invited. Parents are welcome to drop off and collect later. I wouldn't pay for friends' siblings and they should really have offered to pay anyway! Definitely don't pay for other adults except yourself!

You should have asked for £25 for the siblings who want to play.

Is this a party package or something ? £25 per head Most people aren't paying that much for a party!! My children have been invited to expensive parties like that but it's 3 kids to Legoland sort of thing with money for the gift shop from the parent.

Oh OP (hugs) it's difficult. Don't be ashamed.

I guarantee you are not the only person who is struggling for money right now and sometimes feeling sick at unexpected costs. There is too much stigma attached to being short of money. A change is long overdue. Many of your child's classmates' parents have already been in a similar situation or will be within the next year or two.

Change the plan. If the softplay has so many bookings, maybe they will let you off the cancellation charge. Be apologetic to the invited families but don't beat yourself up. Everybody makes mistakes. They will understand.

I've just looked on one of our local softplay websites. It's £8.50 for a bronze package, including cold platter party hats bags invites. £9.50 for bronze including all that as well as hot food platter with veggie option and £13.50 for the gold. That includes the other packages and exclusive access. This is an independent buisness. As well as the softplay they have trampolines, bouncy castle and inflatable slide and those ride on bikes you put £1 in. Don't pay for adults either. Is the adult charge for food? The local wacky is cheaper but never very clean.

In the current climate, ANYONE making decisions that could negatively effect their finances in a big way on 'treats' needs to have their heads looked at.

It is easier to tell a child and their friends that something is simply unreasonably expensive than it is to deal with mortgage arrears, food shortage etc.

Not saying you are in that position, but if you feel something is too expensive then walk away from it. Lose a deposit, lose face but do not pay for something you cant afford.

I am in a comfortable position, but i would not think twice about telling my children we couldnt afford something in the past. After a little while they become very open to looking at what is and isnt expensive.

Didn’t realise my kids would also have to pay
I don't understand this. Why would you assume your kids plus the other invitee's siblings wouldn't have to pay?
There isn't a single grain of sense in this, it's nuts!

While I agree it’s a ridiculous amount to spend, not everyone has a garden or a spring/summer birthday, it’s a nonsense to suggest that’s an option for everyone. My DD’s birthday is in the winter and our garden is small. She is never going to have a birthday party in the garden. There is nothing unreasonable about hiring a hall

my point was more that it's ridiculous for any child to have 40 kids at a birthday in the 1st place and then to complain about the cost is even more absurd. Also of course not everybody has a garden but in that case take kids over and watch a film or go to mcdonalds. And if you are taking so many kids that you can't fit them into your living room then that's what you are doing wrong. How many friends can 1 child have?

Is it a very large soft play venue? I've just done a kids party at a local soft play, exclusive hire which is up to a max of 30 children, which included all the party food and drink. Adults were free, the total cost was £300, so £10 per child. Even the larger soft plays/farm parks were not as expensive as £25 per child and extra for adults.

Some venue's have the birthday child free. I've never known siblings to be free though.

That's a mad price, the thing is it is what it is now isn't it and you're at a point you can just make the best of it and do different next time. I'm sure it'll be fab as it must be an amazing package for that much :) when you're asking how people afford it, I think the average person doesn't, I deffo don't spend £1000 on my kids parties. Even unicorn riding parties are like £500 round here and thats the south.

Definitely explain to the ones with siblings it's £25 each, they would be embarrassed to know your paying that much extra for them im sure and would surely want to help are you sure it's that much each and not £12.50 each so £25 for your son and his brother? Just grasping at straws here. Can they not just drop off the older ones if they have no childcare? Does it definitely include a host?? Just most soft play parties I've been to don't but it could be different as it's more than I've seen.

I hope you can get the cost down a little and lean into it and have fun as it's booked now, lovely memories and all that :)

Flippin h**k there's a community centre near us that charge £10 an hour for the hall. You can hire a bouncy castle and use they're music equipment for a little disco. If you do your own food it will only be about £200. Kids don't tend to eat much at parties they're more bothered about playing.

I think that's what she ment when she said siblings so that's another £25. One of our local one's does everything included plus exclusive use for £13.50. If open to the public it's cheaper. I've never known to have to pay for adults though. Unless that's for food/drink. But you usually just purchase your own if you want it.

Most people don’t do private hire, they just have a party session within usual opening times. That’s about £10 per child with food and a free adult. And then siblings can be charged to the family.
private hire is usually a set amount though for a large number- is it def £25 for each? I’d think about cancelling and just booking a normal session?
bouncy castle in a hall is ok but they need something else happening too otherwise it’s a bit boring especially if you have large numbers as only a few can realistically go on at a time. You’d have plenty of money to hire someone for a bit of entertainment/ games if you don’t want to do it yourself though

The other thing is do parents and siblings actually need to stay if they are primary age?

Never thought I'd ever write this but I went to the best kids party a couple of months ago ! My niece hired a social club room and a kids entertainer for £160 and he was bloody brilliant ! He got all the kids up doing games, dances, handed sweets out as prizes, sometimes the mums and dads got up and joined in too - it really was loads of fun. For food she prepared paper plates with a sandwich, cake, biscuits - usual party food. I don't think she did a goody bag, I can't remember, but they each got some cake at the end. It was great value for what she paid, I thought. My great-niece was 6 and she had her whole class there.
OP, I'd cancel, seriously. I know it's a PITA but everyone will understand.

If you do your own food it will only be about £200. Kids don't tend to eat much at parties they're more bothered about playing

wouldn't even be this if you shopped sensibly and kids won't know the difference between lidl pizza ans m and s pizza.

We did exclusive hire of a softplay for 90mins for £150, up to 30 kids allowed. Some other centres wanted to charge £200-£300 odd, normally its just a price to hire the venue, not pay per person as normal entry fee.

Yeah this confused me too, unless all the brothers and sisters are babies in arms of course you would have to pay for them. Even if the birthday boy is free, otherwise people could claim they had multiple siblings to get out of paying. It does sound expensive though, what are they getting for £25 a head?

If you haven't invited anyone else and can cancel then just cancel it. When my twins turned 5 we just had everyone form both their school classes to our house and did some games and had some food and it did not cost very much and was just as much fun.

That sounds really expensive. I live in London and most round here are £20 per child for non-exclusive or a flat rate for exclusive. I've gone non-exclusive and anyone who wants to bring siblings can just pay the entry for them.

She says she's in Ireland so that would be €25 not £. But still works out at £21.41 British pounds. But it's still expensive. Some things are in Ireland.

OP. I have 3 children and held loads of parties over the years. That price is insane. You have my sympathies. Birthdays are so expensive - it’s not just the party, it’s the cake, party bags/gifts, decorations and present. 😥

it’s ridiculous isn’t it ?

We will be throwing my son his first birthday part next year when he turns 4. I’ve already started looking at prices and it’s going to cost £400 for an all inclusive soft play package for 20 kids . £8 for every extra kid . that includes burger , fries , icecream , soft play entry , decorations, a helium balloons for each kid and party bags . Doesn’t include the cake . 1 hour and 45 minutes .

It’s shocking but maybe that’s just standard ? I’m in London.

I would rather rent a hall and deal with the stress of planning but my husband would rather pay the £400 to have it done for us .

We had a party last year for our one year old at our house (with family) and after food and drinks decorations etc it wasn’t cheap either .

That's bonkers! Are there any other soft plays nearby you could compare costs with? Also trampolines be places, rock up, bowling, etc all do party packages. And I'd hazard a guess that most would be hugely cheaper.

I'm assuming the high cost per head is because you've opted for exclusive hire of the place. Personally I'd not opt for that due to the costs. The kids don't care, they're used to other people being at soft play?!

Look at options and see what else there is. If it's too late to change you'll know for future.

Also I agree with others. All big families I know just do the birthday child and a few friends once they're at school. Not cousins, not friends siblings, etc.

A birthday party doesn't have to be a cost of £25 per child. That's just ridiculous. If people can afford it fair play, but no one in my world would pay that.

my point was more that it's ridiculous for any child to have 40 kids at a birthday in the 1st place and then to complain about the cost is even more absurd.

It is crazy however it seems to be the culture and expectation in some parts of the UK.

There's no such thing as a whole class invite expectation in Ireland.

I suspect the pressure of not doing it excludes your DC from receiving invitations from others in the classroom.

I invite the DC my DC play with from school.

Siblings are not invited unless it is a hall which only happened once for DD years ago.