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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School Awards Assembly

58 replies

blueswans · 04/07/2022 18:34

Today DD11 in Year 7 had her end of year awards assembly (private school so last week of term this week). All of Y7, maybe 100 kids and 100 parents in the hall. They started with Maths, English, Science awards, No DD. Then History, Geography, Languages, PE, Technology, Arts, Drama etc. then Attendance, Charity Fundraiser, Sportsperson, Overall Achievement etc.

No DD.

The kids all walk out of the hall across the stage. DD is the only kid without a certificate or an award.

I'm not the type of person that thinks everybody should win and get a participation trophy, but I feel so bad for DD. It was obvious that she was the only kid without something, she's had a hard year (lost her dad, my DH in January) and I just think more care should have been taken to ensure that there wasn't just one child without something. If ten kids or even two wouldn't have had something, I wouldn't be upset but she was the only one!

She's not a super high achiever, or a future Olympian but she is a genuinely good, nice person. And I'm upset for her, she says she's fine about it and not bothered by a laminated bit of paper but I can't help but feel bad for her.

I'm not going to do anything but I guess AIBU for finding this unfair?

OP posts:
SnowyPetals · 04/07/2022 18:37

I am really struggling with the concept of them handing out 99 prizes. Are you sure it wasn't fewer than that and there were other children without?

Needmorelego · 04/07/2022 18:37

If she really was the only one then I expect it was an error.
Talk to her teacher.

tiredanddangerous · 04/07/2022 18:38

If she really was the only one I would complain to the school

Yodaisawally · 04/07/2022 18:38

That's really shitty for your daughter, if it's all of them it's all of them, not all bar one.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 04/07/2022 18:40

They can't possibly have given out 99 awards, can they?!

Your hands would fall off from weary clapping!

FlissyPaps · 04/07/2022 18:40

It’s only unfair if every single child in the year received an award apart from your DD. I find that very hard to believe.

Threetulips · 04/07/2022 18:40

Offer to buy an annual kindness trophy for next years co-Hirt in memory of her dad.

Then kick up a drink how dare they treat a child in this manner - they should be ashamed of themselves!!

redskyatnight · 04/07/2022 18:42

I think this is a private school "thing" tbh - they seem to set clear definitions for who wins what prize and don't really consider who is most deserving (e.g. the prize goes to the child who gets the highest mark in the exam even if this is because they are naturally gifted and they make minimal effort) or whether this means the same children win everything and some win nothing.

VariationsonaTheme · 04/07/2022 18:43

Out of 100 kids, she was the only one? If that’s genuinely the case and not an over exaggeration then yes, say something.

ElizaJones · 04/07/2022 18:44

Do you literally mean the only child without an award?

SherbertLemonDrop · 04/07/2022 18:44

That is cruel.

DuarPorte · 04/07/2022 18:45

Sorry - 99 kids got something and 1 kid did not?

SherbertLemonDrop · 04/07/2022 18:46

If she was genuinely the only one without something they had probably made it so every child wins something and missed her out. I hope so anyway... hopefully it's a mistake.

Mumteedum · 04/07/2022 18:50

It's a fuck up. My son was the only kid at sports day not to get a race and then they made out it was his mistake because of his ASD for not understanding how they 'organised' it. They clearly did not do it right.

Say something 👍

WifeMotherWorkRepeat · 04/07/2022 18:50

Your DD was the only child not to receive a prize?!?!? That is abysmal and cruel. I would go ballistic at the school for singling her out like that after such an awful year.
You must be both furious and devastated.

MagpiePi · 04/07/2022 18:53

redskyatnight · 04/07/2022 18:42

I think this is a private school "thing" tbh - they seem to set clear definitions for who wins what prize and don't really consider who is most deserving (e.g. the prize goes to the child who gets the highest mark in the exam even if this is because they are naturally gifted and they make minimal effort) or whether this means the same children win everything and some win nothing.

What an odd POV. Why should you not get an award if you got the best marks in an exam? How do you know they haven't worked really hard? Or should naturally gifted children be automatically passed over in favour of a child who is 'kinder' or is deemed more deserving in some arbitrary way?

kimfox · 04/07/2022 18:59

Y7 would have seen an effort prize and an achievement prize per class at 2 of my DCs prep school (y4-7 the same) Prizes for academic stuff mainly for y8s - I think all Y8 got something. DC3 has only been at his school for 2 yrs and last year Covid meant no speech day so we will see how they handle it when they break up this week and do have prize giving. It's horrible if your DD was really the only Y7 not to receive anything :(

XelaM · 04/07/2022 19:09

At my daughter's primary Year 6 prize giving ceremony the same people used to receive a huge number of awards and the school didn't care how disappointed some kids were to get nothing.

My daughter actually received two trophies 🏆 but one was for equivalent of LAMDA performance arts. My daughter used to be really good at performing arts, but in Year 6 she was too lazy to take the final exam and opted out of doing it. Her best friend, on the other hand, was forced by her mum to take the exam, but it was my daughter who received the trophy at the ceremony and her best friend got nothing. I felt really bad for her friend whose mum was also visibly upset. It's not a fair system at all.

Veryverycalmnow · 04/07/2022 19:20

That sounds really unfair! X

stayingpositiveifpossible · 04/07/2022 19:20

At our primary school (school very good) - they kind of rotated the kids who got awards. All were not for achieving high marks but actually putting the effort in and we also had awards like 'Best Friend of the Week'. 'Solving a maths problem' etc. 'Showing compassion to others etc'.

Or 'Award for excellent new start to school - i.e socialising etc' - the kind of things where over a period of time, say a month every child had something in a weekly assembly. Then there were attendance awards in there as well.

Sometimes there were 100 odd awards but we clapped for all of them. It was a lot of kids. No matter what field it was in. Kids have different abilities and challenges don't they?

This made sense and is an inclusive approach - what you have described doesn't make sense and actually as you said it is upsetting given the year you have both had.

I would raise it straightaway - to the head and copied to class teacher - headed feedback sounds like someone made a mistake. If they have - then the award which your child should have received can be made next week, but they will need to get a move on as it is end of term!

I suggest 'Bravery in the face of Adversity award' phrased in primary school language...

Well done both of you for making it through a difficult year and sorry for your loss.

user1474315215 · 04/07/2022 19:22

If she really was the only one then you really need to speak to the school - they surely can't have meant to do that.

ChateauMargaux · 04/07/2022 19:23

Shocking!! Complain to the school and see how they try to explain how 99 prizes were meaningfully awarded and no one thought that might devalue the prizes or that it could potentially have a negative impact on the single excluded child.

Happened in a small prep my kids went to.. it was a particularly small cohort and there were 12 prizes awarded and one child who received nothing.. the poor boy sobbed through the rest of the end of year ceremony as the whole class sat together facing the rest of the school and the parent body. It was excruciatingly painful to watch.

Pleaseletmeconfirm · 04/07/2022 19:32

At my kids school (not in the UK) the kid who had to be restrained by the police on two,separate occasions got an award but I'm sure it was nothing to do with the fact his (alumni) patents paid for a new science room 🤣🤣
There was a 100% correlation between alumni patents and kids getting awards. I found it annoying but luckily my kids just found it funny.

ChiselandBits · 04/07/2022 19:43

Its ok for not everyone to get something, especially at a private school, but if she really was the only one then that is cruel and badly done. The same thing happened to my DD when she was younger - it was an oversight but she was really upset

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 04/07/2022 20:01

If you're right and 99 children got something and she didn't then I'd assume it was an oversight. There's no way that would happen other wise surely??

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