School Awards Assembly

[blueswans]

Today DD11 in Year 7 had her end of year awards assembly (private school so last week of term this week). All of Y7, maybe 100 kids and 100 parents in the hall. They started with Maths, English, Science awards, No DD. Then History, Geography, Languages, PE, Technology, Arts, Drama etc. then Attendance, Charity Fundraiser, Sportsperson, Overall Achievement etc.

No DD.

The kids all walk out of the hall across the stage. DD is the only kid without a certificate or an award.

I'm not the type of person that thinks everybody should win and get a participation trophy, but I feel so bad for DD. It was obvious that she was the only kid without something, she's had a hard year (lost her dad, my DH in January) and I just think more care should have been taken to ensure that there wasn't just one child without something. If ten kids or even two wouldn't have had something, I wouldn't be upset but she was the only one!

She's not a super high achiever, or a future Olympian but she is a genuinely good, nice person. And I'm upset for her, she says she's fine about it and not bothered by a laminated bit of paper but I can't help but feel bad for her.

I'm not going to do anything but I guess AIBU for finding this unfair?

If they genuinely awarded every other child except your daughter, I’d complain. But first I’d establish (if I wasn’t sure already) that she was the only one not recognised.

Thank you all.

No, it wasn’t 99 exact awards, core subjects had five students each, others one or two. There must have been 150-175 total awards, some kids had a few, others one. Obviously I can’t be 100% sure that DD was the only one without one, but from the looks of it at the end and the talk of the other parents everybody else did appear to have one.
It was a bloody long assembly, and a lot of clapping!!! 😂😂

I do hope it was a mistake and she should have received something. I know it’s meaningless at the end of the day but it’s still nice to be recognised for something when you’re 11!
I’m going to try and phrase an email to her head of year.

I could ask on a parents WhatsApp group if any other 7’s didn’t get anything but I don’t want to draw more attention to the fact that mine didn’t…

Awards that can not have much value if there is 150 of them.

I'm simply pointing out that if the school award rules say that you get a prize for x reason, then OP's child won't get a prize if she doesn't meet whatever criterion. And being the only child without a prize won't come into it.
I'm not a fan of this sort of prize - I know several children who've got prizes year after year in private schools despite doing minimal work (yes, they boast about it) but they get a prize because they meet the criterion. And no, I don't think you should get a prize essentially just for turning up (also not a fan of attendance awards for this reason!), but because you've actually put some effort in or achieved something. If OP's DC goes to a school like this, then she will have to get used to that being the ethos and that her DC might not meet the grade.

IMO Kids who get prizes either come top in the year or they (or their parents) suck up to senior staff.

For years I sat through these (incl ones where my kids got prizes). At one the girl who had basically been a deranged bully for years got "best influence on the lower school" prize. I got up from my seat mid prize giving and left. Was Ana abolîtes joke. She only got bec her parents were se far up the heads arse she had 4 legs and the girl (year 8) only played with the year 3s because no one in her year would have anything to do with her. Never been to another prize giving again

I would definitely have to say something about this. I don't agree with awards ceremonies anyway, and if they are going to happen, then only students who are going to receive a certificate/prize should be invited.

Dd2's old, failing, state school briefly had a prize giving evening (for a couple of years before it was forced to convert into an academy). Only those receiving a prize were invited, but it was a waste of time as prizes were given for meaningless things and even academic awards were not for the best, just seemingly randomly allocated. (After thinking about it, not that the best at the subject should necessarily receive prizes either).

Basically, I think the whole thing should be scrapped in all schools and achievements should be celebrated as they occur naturally throughout the year. Eg a sports team winning their tournament, get sent up on stage in assembly and applauded the next day, or next week. A drama group or music group get applauded on the night of the show, etc.

Hmmm I'd probably say something, this would really have upset me especially since she lost her dad this year. You'd think they'd want to mark her resilience in doing well despite such a difficult time. for you both.

That's rubbish, OP. Your DD lost her dad this year. And sat there while aware after award was dished out. Have a word with her head of year (or her new one for Y8).

I find kids are fairly accepting of awards going to the top academic and top sporting/singing/chess or whatever students but that they are not accepting of unfairness or favouritism.

Our school has a resilience through adversity award that I suspect your daughter might have gotten if she went to our school (although it's one for all of secondary not one per year). I agree this is terrible and I would be complaining. The majority of people don't get an award at all.

But maybe she WAS a good influence on them and needed some sort of recognition for her good behaviour/attitude as part of her behaviour management plan?

Most kids that are bullies have some sort of shit going on in their lives.

To begrudge a 13yo a relatively meaningless school prize that might have just helped tip her behaviour to that if the better and boycott the ceremony seems a little over the top...

A similar thing happened at one of my kids' awards day. Thankfully not to one of my DC, but to two of their friends, who I knew well. They were/are lovely, kind, children and my heart absolutely broke for them. It must have been humiliating for them.

The new-to-the-school principal decided to mess with the long standing method whereby only the recipients were called on stage, to one where every class stood on stage and the recipients were called forward to received their award. This worked reasonably well in 99% of the classes where only about 50% received something (but still awkward for the remaining 50%).

The worst part was, apparently they were supposed to get an award each, but at literally the very last minute the new principal decided not to present them for some convoluted reason. Their class teacher (a lovely, very 'motherly' woman) only found out herself moments before this debacle, and was seen standing off to the side in tears. Needless to say, hell was raised and the old system was reinstasted the following year.

This was over 15 years ago and I can still remebmer it clear as day, and the disbelief and sadness I felt for these two children.

“Obviously I can’t be 100% sure that DD was the only one without one“

Well that’s fairly important

I wouldn’t even be posting this. You’re a paying customer - why haven’t you spoken to the school? If she was literally the only child without a certificate, I think there’s an admin fuck up that you should raise. If they’ve set it up so that a really small minority don’t get something, I’d challenge that.

If it’s awards based on hard facts (e.g. everyone over 90% in exam gets maths) and that overall leaves only a few kids without - then it’s not wrong, but you need to think about why you’ve chosen a very academic and very competitive school. If it’s more subjective, then leaving a small number out is wrong.

What a bizarre post. Firstly, it's not a "private school thing". Awarding the prize to the recipient with the highest score is the most normal thing in the (school) world, regardless of type of school.

Secondly, of the course the person with the highest marks deserves the prize - regardless of whether they're the smartest kid on the planet, or one who had to dedicate hours and hours each day to their studies to get the top mark. Any decent school will also present other awards - such as most improved (even if they're still bottom of the class); best effort (perhaps they always come second or third for instance), etc. But if I had got the top mark in a subject, then damn right I'd expect to receive the award for it.

My DCs schools usually had a range of prize levels - 95-100%= gold level/certificate; 90-95%= silver etc, with one student being named Dux overall. So they could have come second in everything, but still had higher marks than someone who came first in two subjects, but third/tenth in everything else.

Really sorry to hear you lost your dh. We lost my dh/kids' dad when my dds were 11 and 13. I think the school were quite thoughtless to leave your dd out after what she's been through. Our school gives effort prizes which are good as kids of any ability can earn them if they are making a good effort. Is the school offering support? One of my dds meets with a TA trained in bereavement support fortnightly.

@knockyknees I was calling it a "private school thing" because in my experience (of many children in many schools, granted I don't know every school in the country!) private schools tend to often give prizes for simply achieving the highest score in a school exam (where of course it's also dependent on perfromance on the day. State schools tend to look more at all round effort, application, enthusiasm for the subject, going over and above simply doing what is required ... And they quite often don't have formal exams that they can simply look at who got the highest score! Plus they generally have progress prizes as well - whereas private schools tend to be more focused on results.

I don't see any great value in giving a child a prize simply because they have natural ability and ignoring the child who worked incredibly hard all year and made exceptional progress but got a few marks less than the top in the exam. Although I must admit my perspective is possibly skewed by listening to my naturally gifted at maths niece show off about how she keeps getting the maths prize when she freely admits she doesn't really have to work at it. This is not sour grapes by the way - I also went to a private school and regularly got a prize for a subject I didn't try at but had natural ability. I found it totally meaningless - the school prize I most valued was when I got "service to the school", because I felt that was rewarding me for something I'd actually devoted time, energy and effort into.

This is definitely a private school thing. DS10 has never had a prize. He came top in his year in the reading comprehension exam this time and still didn’t. Trying not to be bitter 😂
I told DS that the speaker (amazing high flying career but started off doing design at a Poly) probably never won any awards at school either! And he’s done fantastically in life.
It is fairly meaningless. I won the Geography prize at A level and haven’t done geography since. I won the student research prize at Uni and haven’t researched since.
I guess it instills resilience? DS himself said it showed him that life’s not fair after the prize giving!

No it really isn't a 'private school thing'.

It happens in many state schools.

Obviously I can’t be 100% sure that DD was the only one without one,

Quite different from your original post, then.

It really isn't hard at a leavers achievement assembly to give a little something to every child, even just as a keepsake. When so many were on offer it seems unfair to leave on child out, even without the awful trauma she has experienced.

God! If your daughter was the only one out of 100 kids I’d definitely say something. That’s not fair. My son just left primary school this a few weeks ago. Scotland. For years I have watched the same kids getting the awards right through the years, son got bugger all. . I sat and cried for him getting an award for outstanding effort the other week. I was so happy for him. Sorry I had to tell everyone this. He’s so quiet, timid and shy. Not really a high achiever, he does try though. He does play the bagpipes Beautifully.

I agree that this may have been quite reasonable (although obviously we don't know the detail). If she had been ostracised by the year group, then probably the bullying was in the past, and she might have seen the error of her ways. It's hard to turn around behaviour like that, because everyone still sees you as "the bully", which means your self-esteem stays at rock-bottom. If she was forging some positive relationships with the younger children, that's progress (education, even), and some encouragement will have been entirely appropriate.

Yes 99 kids out of 100 getting prizes is incredibly unfair.